Mom Adds Her Own Breast Milk To School Bake Sale Brownies So There's That

Mom uses her own breast milk to make bake sale brownies. NBD

We’ve all been in a pinch when it comes to the school bake sale. Either we don’t know what to bake, don’t actually know how to bake, or don’t remember there is an actual school bake sale until we get to school and see other moms who don’t have their heads up their asses carrying various baked goods. We aren’t sure what category this next mom falls into, but we are relieved her kids don’t go to our school.

One mother apparently didn’t have time to run to the store to buy milk so she improvised and used her own. And by “own” we obviously mean her breastmilk. According to the anonymous mom, she was in a pinch and thought to herself “Hell, I have my own little milk factory right here, who needs the store?” and supplemented her recipe. When other moms found out, shit hit the fan and she did what anyone does when they have a problem that needs honest, unbiased advice – turned to Facebook.

“I made brownies for my school bake sale that had breast milk in them. I didn’t have time to run to the store, and didn’t think it was a big deal (some of those kids could use the nutrition to be honest),” the post says. “One of the other moms found out and are blowing it way out of proportion. Idk what to do!” the post read.

The original post drew 246 comments in just 34 minutes according to Fox News and was picked up by the Facebook page Sanctimommy, which took a screenshot of the post and reposted it to their page. Now we will be suspicious of all bake sale brownies forever.

It isn’t the breast milk that bothers us the most or the assumption that “some of those kids could use the nutrition” or even that this mom believes other moms are “blowing it way out of proportion” when learning their children are ingesting her breast milk. What is most concerning is that we had no idea you make brownies with milk in the first place. Our whole lives have been a lie.

Reactions, as one could imagine, ranged from sarcastic to outraged:

“It’s like that one time I made lemonade with my urine because I ran out of water and didn’t feel like going to the store to get more. I only drink Perrier so they were getting, like, the best urine ever. I don’t know why everyone was so mad about it.”

“Oh my gosh, YES, the only way I can get my kids to drink breast milk is by slipping it into baked goods, breakfast cereal, etc. They’re in their 20s, so they’re not as receptive to latching on anymore, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to deprive them of Mommy’s precious nutrients.”

“She waisted [sic] all that gold on nasty evil sugar filled brownies?!? I’m ashamed just reading that! She should have made kale and coconut oil smoothies if she truly cared about their nutrition! Slacker!”

“Honestly this is actually a damn near criminal offense! Breast milk, like blood or semen, can carry diseases, which is why legit donation services screen the milk before passing it along to moms and their babies. Secretly feeding children that aren’t yours baked goods with your bodily fluids in them in gross, shady and borderline psychotic. Wait, not borderline, it’s full-blown psychotic.”

According to the Food and Drug Administration, “If you are considering feeding a baby with human milk from a source other than the baby’s mother, you should know that there are possible health and safety risks for the baby. Risks for the baby include exposure to infectious diseases, including HIV, to chemical contaminants, such as some illegal drugs, and to a limited number of prescription drugs that might be in the human milk, if the donor has not been adequately screened. In addition, if human milk is not handled and stored properly, it could, like any type of milk, become contaminated and unsafe to drink,” though we don’t know why we are quoting the FDA because please for the love of god don’t sneakily slip your breast milk to unknowing recipients.

Perhaps we should file this one under: Oh, hell no.