RestRoom Mishaps
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Confession #98581

    When I gotta go, I gotta go - don't care where. A restroom is a restroom.

    community-manager


  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    I've never had an 'offical' diagnosis, but I think I have IBS or something similar. Let's just say mildly that I have "digestive issues" LOL

    I can laugh about it now, because I'm used to it. But there is no counting the times I've had to use a nasty restroom, or a men's restroom, the side of the road, behind a tree---you name it, and I've probably used it !

    Sympathy? Humor? Share some "Dammit, I gotta go NOW !" stories....

    community-manager


  • Since my last surgery I didnt go for awhile meaning 14 days. So now when I have to go I can NOT hold it.  I will throw up of I try too.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    How does that work when you try to eat out? (out to lunch, out to dinner, etc.. NOT related to your sex life LMAO sorry, it's late and I'm loopy)

    My DH LOVES Mexican food. It does NOT love me. And it's a long fucking way from our local restaurant back to our house, with no public restrooms in between...

    community-manager


  • haha well half the time I am constipated ha and my body doesnt react too foods but the other day I walking the dog and I had to go so I ran home. Im sure one of these days I will not make it because on Monday it was super close.
  • InsanityandChaosInsanityandChaos
    Posts: 1,924Member
    I can't eat McDonald's. DH knows this. I'm not exaggerating here. If I eat anything from there, within 20 minutes it's coming back out of me, no matter where I am! So we drove into the city, this was a few years ago. DS was pretty little, still in the infant seat, so maybe we are talking about 4 years ago now. He insisted on McD's because otherwise we would have to exit the highway, instead of just going to the Oasis off ramp. So I give in because arguing with him while driving is worse than shitting yourself right? 20 minutes later we are stuck on the Kennedy with traffic barely moving and.... I have to go now. He starts yelling What the fuck is he sposed to do?!! He's freaking out, the baby starts screaming because he is screaming, so what do I do? I get out of the car and drop my pants. Right freakin' there. Yes. I shit in the middle of a 4 lane highway coming onto the loop in downtown Chicago. I haven't ever admitted to that story before, lol! What the hell was I sposed to do though??!!

    When I was pregnant with DD I couldn't hold it when I had to pee AT ALL. I actually started wearing pads to catch the leaks. I'm in Walmart one day, and I had to go. Well if you are familiar with the typical walmart store layout, there is a bathroom at the front, and one at the back of the store, but both are kind of in the middle of the store. Usually. I was no where near either, lol. So I chose the back one, get there and they had it closed off for cleaning. Sooo I try to make it to the front of the store. Couldn't get there in time. Peed my pants totally. Soaked through my jeans and down my leg. Even left a little puddle, lol. So I went to the womens section, grabbed a pair of hanes sweats and put them on in the dressing room, then just gave the cashier the tag and asked for a bag for my wet jeans and underwear. She didn't say a word, lol!
  • @InsanityandChaos Your story about peeing pants just mad me literally laugh out loud. "So I went to the womens section, grabbed a pair of hanes sweats and put
    them on in the dressing room, then just gave the cashier the tag and
    asked for a bag for my wet jeans and underwear. She didn't say a word,
    lol!"
    Best thing I have read in a long time

  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    arguing with him while driving is worse than shitting yourself right? <----LMFAO !

    I keep a pack of babywipes in my truck AND in my purse AT ALL TIMES. I am the queen of dropping my drawers on the side of the road LOL Thankfully, though, we live in a rural area with lots and lots of trees and very few houses. 

    I have stopped at a stranger's house and asked to use their restroom. Sure, it's embarrassing at that moment , but really. It'd be a lot MORE embarrassing to soil yourself, I would think.

    Come to think of it, I think this is one reason I don't eat like I should-- I don't want to stay on the damn pot all day.  And if I know I'm going to have to leave the house--nevermind! I'll eat later !

    community-manager


  • InsanityandChaosInsanityandChaos
    Posts: 1,924Member
    Oh god, I know! My sister and I hang out a lot. She says there isn't a restroom I am not personally affectionate with anywhere for miles around, lol!

    I saw a movie once. Can't remember what it's called or even who's in it, but some chick gets out of a car on the freeway and runs to someone's rv and asks to use their toilet. Then proceeds to vomit out her ass for what seems like hours. Everytime we travel anywhere I think of that movie and am on the lookout for rv's....
  • @love SOIL YOURSELF now thats hilarious. Well the way you worded it.
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    I'm totally picturing that scene from bridesmaids where everyone gets hit with food poisoning at the fancy bridal shop. If you haven't seen this movie, you must!!!

    community-manager


  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    @InsanityandChaos - Two Weeks Notice with Sandra Bullock. How well I know that scenario LOL

    @Sammie ohhhh you're shitting in the street aren't you? LMFAO ! That was hilarious ! And the shop owner --Don't you DARE ruin that dress Hahahhahahhahhaaha !

    community-manager


  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    Yes!!! LMAO!!!

    Shitting in the sink, shitting in the street in a designer gown, oh my lord soooo hilarious!!

    community-manager


  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Since I had my gall bladder removed, certain foods DO NOT agree with me. If someone gets between me and the toilet, they deserve whatever happens to them.

    But I also had twins four months ago and ever since then, I have no ability to hold in my farts. So far I've been lucky at work, but one of these days I am gonna "Let loose the dragon" right in front of someone.
  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,270Guest
    OMG Bridesmaids was the best movie ever!! The woman shitting in the sink yelling "Look Away!!!!"
    @InsanityandChaos you poor thing!!
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    I still haven't seen bridesmaids! I've gotten mixed reviews of it though.

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • OnmylastnerveOnmylastnerve
    Posts: 1,648Member
    I had the flu for about two weeks I was unable to keep any food in me for more than an hour. It was April 10 the day before my birthday and my husband purposes to me. On the way home I let a innocent toot out and turns out it wasn't so innocent :( it was one of best and worse days of my life. I threw everything out while driving (thank god for baby wipes) and had to run in my house with no pants on in the middle of town :( I hate the flu! Ruined a perfect day :(
    not my chair, not my problem
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    @Anon with the gall bladder removed - THAT is exactly when mine started. I had thought that everything would eventually settle back into place---like eventually. My surgery was April 2001.

    How long is 'eventually' anyway ? (Stay away from stuff high in fat content and greasy foods, if you haven't figured that out yet. Those are the worse culprits!)

    @unforgiven - You HAVE to watch it ! It is hilarious ! And like a train wreck LOL You can't look away !

    @Onmylastnerve Oh NO !!! That's horrible ! Did the upholstery survive? (That's probably what I worry about most...)


    community-manager


  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    Worst bug I ever caught was probably from the hospital. Fever and diarrhea for a couple of days, then needing to be near a washroom for another week or so, and three weeks total before everything went back to normal. No mishaps, but plenty of near misses.
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,210Member

    i did it on the side of the road once. i was driving me and dh home from red lobster one winter night and we were about 5 minutes from home. i turned off the road we were on and dh is like where the heck are you going? i couldn't even talk at this point. i just pulled over, parked and ran into a little woody area and dropped my pants. dh was laughing his ass off, stunned. i felt so relieved after i didn't even care. everytime we drive past where i marked my territory, dh and i laugh.

  • OnmylastnerveOnmylastnerve
    Posts: 1,648Member
    @serentiynow I just got done eating at red lobster!!! Lol
    @love I was wearing a long skirt so it didn't even touch the seat. But damn it to hell the fiancé wanted sex that night I was thinking to myself hey stupid, I'm not feeling the greatest if I shit my pants!!!
    All the women in my family had there gallbladders removed at one point or another. Mine was 4 weeks after my baby was born oh left me tell you I gotta go I gotta go. Pancakes and syrup do it to me my mom and sister.
    not my chair, not my problem
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    That's odd. I had my gallbladder out several years back, and the only thing that gives me the runs is excessive amounts of alcohol. 
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Excessive amounts of alcohol give me only a headache and a need to replace whatever clothes I lost...

    :D

    community-manager


  • A couple months ago, I had a horrible stomache virus. The kind where you don't want to be more than 2 feet away from a bathroom at all times. But, before I knew it was THAT bad, I made the mistake of leaving the house after taking some meds. I had a bill that was due, they weren't going to give me any longer to pay it, so I loaded the kids up, drove across town and took care of it. Started driving home when I got that "Ohnoohnoohno" feeling. Pulled into the first gas station I saw, and I was quickly approaching the critical moment! I got out of the car, without turning it off, and started sprinting inside. Well, there was an officer filling up his patrol car, and he yelled after me that my kids were in the car and I needed to get them. To which I responded, without stopping, "I'm sorry sir, but if I stop I am going to shit myself!" Made it to the bathroom, came out, and the officer was standing by my car with a, shall we say bemused, expression on his face. I apolgized for leaving my kids in the car (which I had NEVER done before, but in the time it would have taken me to get them unbuckled and drag them in there with me I would have been literally been in a shitstorm), and explained the situation. He kind of laughed, and said anyone who would yell out what I did while running inside must have been in a fix. He just told me to go home, and not to leave the house--especially with kids--until it cleared up.

    Definitely not my finest moment!

    "There's nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time."
  • MorticianMomMorticianMom
    Posts: 27Member
    I also suffer from IBS. It's like having a stomach virus ALL THE TIME. Anything high in saturated fats, fried foods and dairy set my IBS off. The abdominal cramps get so bad I feel like I'm going to pass out at times.

    I have and will go anywhere, too. It was SO embarassing when DH and I were first dating, though, and we'd have dinner together and 30 minutes later I'd be a sweaty, cramping hot mess begging him to rush home. It's funny now, especially to my kids, who know that Mommy knows every semi-clean restroom within a 100 mile radius. I've just flat out shit myself on numerous occations.

    I've tried several medications to correct it, but they usually only severely constipate me.

    Wow. Never thought I'd be "talkin' shit" on a MB. ha ha
  • AKimiBAKimiB
    Posts: 1,809Member
    Oh god...
    I was stupid and started a sea-salt water cleanse, then surprise! Had to run to the store real quick.... Well, it *generally* takes 30 minutes to an hour to start working.
    Let's just say, checkout lines were not going fast enough... And, NEVER try to release a fart after starting a cleanse.
    I had to sit in the restroom and wait for my grandmother to bring me pants... And wait for the cleanse to complete... Cause, once you start, you aren't going ANYWHERE until you're done.... You can't hold the ninja-like liquid shits from an alien dimension. No way.
    No matter how much you clinch.
    SMSM_s_5 photo SMSM_s_5_zps5d122d86.jpg
  • @morticicanmom tours what happens to me horrible cramps then sweaty then I feel like I will pass out if I hold it but even if I could hold it I wouldn't be able too.
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    I have super weird bathroom issues, I can only poop in my house, and if I have to pee in a public washroom I have to stick my fingers in my ears and will myself to do it. I won't go at my in-laws because they only have the one washroom and my brain just doesn't compute that pooping isnt' a big deal. Last Christmas my stomach was really upset because of it, and my silly BIL kept on telling my FIL that it was his cooking that did it, I felt horrible!!! 

    community-manager


  • OnmylastnerveOnmylastnerve
    Posts: 1,648Member
    Ninja-like liquid shits @TheofficialAnonymyous!!! I've been there!!!

    Has anyone ever taken Dia-beta? It's a medication usually for diabetics or off label for women who suffer from pcos? If you do take it be sure you have a whole month to just sit on the toilet. Also you might need
    To use a whole tube of destin to just sit normally...
    not my chair, not my problem
  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,465Member
    I will admit that I have sharted... I haven't "gone all the way" but it is seriously unpleasant!
  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,465Member
    P.s. these stories are cracking me up!

    Oh yeah, I do sleep walk and have pee'd in the laundry hamper before.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    I've wet the bed before.. seriously was having a dream that I was on the toilet. CRAZY embarrassing especially with husband in the bed sleeping peacefully next to me. 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • SterlingC
    Posts: 4Member
    My first experience with Indian food was almost my last...I loved it and thought it was absolutely delicious. An hour later I'm in Target picking up some household items when my stomach starts gurgling. I'm on the other side of Target opposite of the rest room. I start to sweat and fighting with every thing I got not to crap myself in Target. I am shuffling with my butt cheeks clenched all the way to the rest room. I have a little leakage, but manage to make it to the restroom where the shit is like a fountain pouring out of my ass. After finding some comfort in handling my business guess what no damn toilet paper! FML
  • junebugjunebug
    Posts: 255Member
    I got the rumbly tummy shits once at a BF's house. I went Dumb and Dummer style trying to squeak it out a little at a time. Finally just had to let it go, it was awful, it smelled horrible and I was more than embarassed!!!
  • For six years my niece suffered and always had to poo. It was awful. When she was a baby, she pooped so much that she always had diaper rashes. Diapers rashes were so bad her butt bled and her little legs would shake as you tried to change her. (My brother is a bit of an idiot and didn't change her right away, which didnt help...but hey thats tweakers for ya!)
    Anyways, my poor little six year old niece coughs a lot; she would cough so much, she would poop her pants a little bit. It was a daily thing, she was always changing her undies. Her butt was always raw.

    Over the summer, my mom (who has custody) took her to a GI doc and come to find out, poor little kid has a gluten intolerance. She is allergic to gluten and when she eats it...she gets the runs. 
    It is not normal to poop all the time. A lot of the problem for my niece was diet. She was eating a ton of fast food, microwave pizza, chicken nuggets etc. Since my niece is on Elisabeth Hassellbeck's G Free diet, she has lost weight and she says she feels better. Her tummy doesn't "turn to stones anymore"

    Maybe if you have pooping problems you should see a doc tor, it could be a gluten allergy. 
  • OMG @unforgiven I did that too!!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074

     I, too, have the bubbley guts. Since having my two kids nothing has been the same. I have shit myself before, more times than I care to try and count. Once the feeling hits me it is go NOW or shit yourself Im not kidding. I wish I was. Once I was on the computer editing pics from a session I just did and I was on a roll when it hit me and I thought I could do just one more step but nope..I shit myself...I had to clean the chair it was so bad.


     My brother is the same way. Somewhere on a PA turnpike is his nasty underwear and pants from a long drive home to Ohio.

  • SingleMomAgainSingleMomAgain
    Posts: 114Member
    OK, I wet my pants a little laughing at this thread.  :">  I've had more bathroom incidents in my 40 years than I care to recount but the wetting myself thing....I've become REALLY good at that one in the last 5 years.  I can't trust a sneeze. 
  • OnmylastnerveOnmylastnerve
    Posts: 1,648Member
    I've got pee right now but the baby is trying to fall asleep and I have to walk by her bedroom. I have a feeling I'm going to pee my pants before she falls asleep
    not my chair, not my problem
  • canadamom
    Posts: 880Member
    I just want to say to all those who seem to have terminal diarhea- go get checked out by a Gasteroenterologist for a Gluten intolerance or Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitits(if a lot of blood with D)

    Crohn's Disease is one of the most underdiagnosed conditions out there - usually sloughed of into Irritable Bowel Disorder - but is treatable.  I know, I've got it.
  • SingleMomAgainSingleMomAgain
    Posts: 114Member
    @Soupermom  "misjudging my farts" just made me laugh so hard a co-worker came to see what what so funny.  
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    I bet the menfolk who lurk around here find this thread to be super sexy! ;)

    community-manager


  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    I know! I just think it would be hilarious to see their faces. :)

    community-manager


  • DemandaDemanda
    Posts: 5,920Member
    I used to take medication that made my gas & poo really really stinky.  I was thrilled to find a private, locking bathroom on the 8th floor of one of the buildings at school.  It's for wheelchairs, actually, so I'd always fret about getting busted coming out of there, but so far no issues.  Yeah, I still use it even the need isn't really there anymore...
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." ~ Gloria SteinemPhotobucket
  • CrazyLady
    Posts: 18Member
    When I was very pregnant with dd, we decided to go riding in the country to see what we could find. My dh saw a jeep for sale on the side of the road and stopped to talk to the man for HOURS, or so it seemed, I had to pee really really bad, so I got one of ds's diapers hunched over in the back of the car and let it rip, OMG, I ended up using two and still peeing on myself, not one of my greater moments, but I so couldn't pop a squat behind a tree, they would have totally known what I was doing. :-D And no there were no bathrooms at this mans barn.:( I asked.
  • InsanityandChaosInsanityandChaos
    Posts: 1,924Member
    My husband works in the construction industry. I could tell some poop stories of his that would seriously have you rolling on the damn floor, lol! Lets just begin by saying he made his own toilet seat for a 5 gallon bucket and takes it with him to every job site, and keeps toilet paper and walmart bags in the truck, lol!
  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,270Guest
    My dh would KILL me if he knew I was telling y'all but I haven't got any good poop stories of my own :( One day at work (Navy) he had to poop really bad but he was topside on his submarine. He had a really bad stomach ache and would not have made it all the way down there so he ran over to where some port-o-potties were but it was too late..he had so many layers on from his uniform and all. Worst part was there was not enough room for him to take off his boots (not to mention his pants are tucked into them with those thingies they have to use) so luckily the poor guy had one of those all  in one tools with him and used the knife to cut his shitty boxers off of himself. He came home and told me the story, he thought I was going to laugh but I felt so AWFUL for him. I love a good laugh but shitting your pants at work is no laughing matter :(
  • darknscarymommy
    Posts: 103Member
    This whole thread is just about the most awesome thing ever!  I have such huge potty issues!  I hate going in a public restroom. It took me about 2 years to be able to poop at work.  But I also have mild IBS, which complicates the whole pooping at work issue!  I have a small air freshener I sneak in with me.  I have to make sure no one else is in there.  Rules, rules, rules.  Then when I am in there, I have more rules.  And the thought of going in a store or gas station is almost more than I can bear!  Then I get all freaked out about not getting clean enough after I poop.  And that leads to separate issues!  
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    I have no good poop stories of my own thank god!  When DH first moved in with me he didn't tell me he was missing his gallbladder and had some bathroom issues.  He figured it would gross me out and i would ask him to leave or something.   Any way one day after some pretty heavy drinking we went out for pizza then were gonna go get paint for the living room or something.  He got in MY car to drive to the store after we ate and let one rip.  He got this horrified look on his face  and was like uhhh we need to stop home real fast.  He totally sharted himself i felt so bad but i couldn't help laughing the whole way home. 
  • PuffalumpPuffalump
    Posts: 219Member
    @OxiMOM I got my gallbladder out when I was 17.  And let me tell ya, there's nothing more humbling to a conceited, full of herself teen than having to shit at all times haha.  I can totally relate to your DH.  My DH is used to it now.  I ate Taco Bell last night and clogged the toilet!  Poor guy lol.
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    @ItsMyParty  my mom had hers removed when i was about 13 so I know all about the issues. I have plunged more clogged toilets since he has moved in then I ever have in my life.  there was another incident where he  sharted on my white bead spread down near the foot of the bed. this was before the car starting issue. I came home from work right as it happened and there were two small spots on the blanket.  I was like oh whats that and he was like Um i dunno  but looked super guilty.  I was like whatever and went and  washed it  he finally fessed up to that 6 months later.  We had a good laugh over it and i told him i had suspected it was him but didn't wanna put him on the spot.  I love my hubby even with his nasty sharts.