Bedtime for a teenager??
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    Opinons needed:  10 oclock Bedtime for a 17 year old on school nights.... too strict??  (school bus comes at 6:46).  too early??  too late??  or 17 yr old is too old to have a bedtime on school nights.
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    I think 10pm sounds perfectly acceptable. What will a 17 year old be doing after that time?! texting, talking, playing games, twitter, etc. I would say 10:30 would be absolute latest without any electronics unless they are needed for homework!
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    I went to boarding school for high school, so this is kind of a funny question to me. Bedtime...what? Lol. But truthfully speaking, I was always in bed by midnight to be up at 7 for school or work. I'd say in their room by 10 without electronics, and whatever they do with themselves after that is up to them.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    she has been staying up late talking and skyping with her boyfriend... . then when she comes home from school she sleeps for 2 to 3 hours. in the past 2 weeks she has overslept and missed her bus twice. she of course, thinks we are thinks being too strict with a 10 o'clock bedtime.... And she has gotten her mom on her side. her dad is strict... but they are saying he is going overboard ... same 10 o'clock is too early for 17 year old.
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    Well maybe not bedtime for her, but definitely bedtime for her computer. Turn off the router at 10 pm, that'll do it.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    Curious said:

    Well maybe not bedtime for her, but definitely bedtime for her computer. Turn off the router at 10 pm, that'll do it.



    good suggestion... I'll mention that to my husband. or tell him to take the laptop completely at 10. I found this morning... that she had her laptop table, laptop and webcam setup in the closet. she was definitely being sneaky about it
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    Well, if she's not getting up in time......enforced cut offs are perfectly reasonable!! I don't have a set bedtime for my oldest still at home......as long as he is getting what he needs to get done, I don't bug him. He's a good kid so I count my self lucky.......but sleeping in, missing school, not getting homework/chores done would greatly impact my thoughts on enforced bedtime........
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    oh hellthefuckno.......set up in her closet?????? Fuck that, no more lap top/cam/anything in her room after fucking 5 pm!!!!!!!!
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • KatDragonKatDragon
    Posts: 370Member
    I agree with @SchweddyBalls and@ curious. Turn off the router and take away the computer.
    "Fantastic!" 9th Doctor
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member

    oh hellthefuckno.......set up in her closet?????? Fuck that, no more lap top/cam/anything in her room after fucking 5 pm!!!!!!!!



    My feelings exactly. I feel like it's blatant "fuck you" disrespect.
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager
    Hahah @schweddyballs you crack me up - but seriously - set up in the closet? That reeks of doing something she's not supposed to. I think you guys are perfectly in the right for imposing some more rules. She would likely not need a 2-3 hour nap after school if she was getting enough sleep at night. I would agree with the other moms here...you can't necessarily force her to sleep, but I am totally down for no electronics (as much as possible) until homework is done. And then no electronics after 9 or 10 at night so that she can wind down and get tired and get some sleep. 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    She has gotten her mom on her side ... And says he is being too hard on her.
  • Well I would say that if she's getting herself up on time for school and doesn't seem to be struggling through the day then a set bedtime would be unnecessary.

    But since you say she seems overly tired, yeah I think a little more structure might be needed. She might feel like since she's 17, she's all grown up but if she can't act like an adult and go to bed at a decent hour when she knows she has to get up early then she then it sounds like she needs her parents to set a time for her.
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    she definitely throws the " I'm 17, and in 8 months I will be an adult" into her argument all the time. She says she feels embarrassed having a bedtime. I think she gives up that right to her argument based on her behavior. we have had other problems also. she had requested to do her Spanish class online because the teacher in class wasn't any good. well we get a call from her online teacher saying she hasn't turned in any work in the past month and a half. all she said was that she hates it when the teacher calls us because all we do is yell... and that "she's got this". so she hasn't been doing her work either.
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    The closet set up seems shady but is her room small? I know for me I HATE cramped rooms so it would be logical to me to set up in the closet so it feels like the room is bigger. As for bedtime what about a modified " grounding". Anytime she misses the bus or wakes up late she can't have use of electronics after 10:00 till she can go a week per late day on time? Rather then flat out say no let her learn to manage her time and make good choices? She is throwing the ill be an adult card say hey even as an adult you face consequences. You go to work late u lose pay. Your late to school you lose electronic time??

    Now I never had a bed time in HS. But I also got myself up dressed and off to school alone if I missed the bus I was SOL I either had to ask the elementary school bus driver to drop me off at the bottom of the HS hill or walk the 2.5 miles. and got no excuse from my mom to the school.
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    No. Her room is large. And her laptop table is like a breakfast table for the bed. Her dad told her that going forward her phone and laptop goes on the counter at 9pm. She said she was up late doing homework. I call BS.
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    big steamy pile of bullshit........she can finish her homework where ever said counter is.......
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    or heres a thought.....lil miss starts her homework when her ass gets home. My skids.....they get a snack and 15 minutes to decompress then homefuckinwork......it has to be done BEFORE dinner. The only exceptions are sports shit and with the oldest, he gets extra time after dinner because of the amount of homework in high school. But.......and this is a big BUT, the skids puter is in the dining room.......so theres no chance of fuckery going on.
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    he doesn't buy it either. And she had the whole weekend to do her homework. And ... Her homework doesn't require a webcam. I think it's at the point right now that he's more upset that she is deliberately defying him.
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    yeah.......that whole "wellI will be 18" thing is a huge button pushing for me......i wish a mother fucker would say that!!!!!! Actually, I take that back.......it will be ugly when that one is tossed out!!!!!!! Of course I'm not a "normal" mom........i reminded Josh (just turned 18) that chores still needed to be done *hinthinttakeoutthefuckingtrash* and said "Don't think cuz you can legally buy smokes and porn now your too good to scrub the toilet......I can toss your grown ass out now and not have cps fuck with me"
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    Stand ur ground , don't back down.....she is a button pusher , when she gets it she is 18 and smart till then mom and dad join forces and she child u parents .....Blessings Love Hugs 
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 2,839Member
    If she can't get up, she needs a bedtime. Sneaking around? She knows she's doing something wrong.
    She's not acting like an adult, and she's still living under your roof. I'm glad you and your dh aren't falling for it. Hang in there!
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,621Member
    Ours (17 and 15) are good about getting up in the morning so we are not really hard on that - usually 11:00 means lights out and computers off. If they do miss the bus because they overslept, they have to walk to school. They don't miss the bus anymore.
  • Manders15Manders15
    Posts: 3,423Member
    How does she expect you to treat her like an adult if she isn't acting like one? Also re the Spanish class, if she "had it" she'd be turning in her homework.
  • StarsStars
    Posts: 1,145Member
    My son is 18 but still in high school and he has a 10 pm bedtime because he can't get up in the am otherwise. Plus we've had a rule of no electronics after 930. Stand your ground. Your house your rules.
    apsycho

  • sojo
    Posts: 874Member
    I've enforced bedtimes for teenagers before more than once and 10:00 is typical (and some of them have been 17).  If they're not getting up on time, then they obviously aren't mature enough to figure out to go to bed on time on their own, hence, it's my "job" as the parent to fix that problem.  Same with computer and webcam in the closet.  That's sneaky and devious and if she can't respect the house rules, the privilege is gone.  Not doing your homework, you don't get to go out with friends / boyfriends/ to parties etc until all the assignments are done and handed in.  Age has nothing to do with it.  Maturity and responsibility is what dictates how you get treated and how many privileges you get to enjoy.  Definitely not being too strict in my world.  Unfortunate that mom is undermining the consequence by supporting the daughter. 
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    My kids are little (12 & 8) and it's wifi off at 8, electronics off at 8:30, lights out/eyes closed at 9!!!! And I really don't anticipate that changing much!!!! later, perhaps...but if you can't ACT like a responsible adult, then guess the fuck what, you don't get TREATED like one, missy!!!!
  • mommyof2_76
    Posts: 494Member
    My son is 14 and his bedtime is 10:30 but he gets up on time and I don't allow computers in the bedroom. On the rare occasion that he isn't ready on time his bedtime is 9:00 that night.
  • MomaFive
    Posts: 1,539Member
    My DD8 has a 8pm bedtime (because she will crash right away and get up at 7 for her 7:45 bus) on school nights, but can be up until 10pm on only 1 weekend night.
    My DD16 has a 9pm bedtime for school nights. She has a hard time getting up at 7am, she also is involved in 85thousand fucking extracurricular activities so she's always run off her feet. No set bedtimes on wkends, as long as she doesn't stay in bed past 10am the next day. 
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    I'm going to be the different opinion here and I realize our parenting is different.....

    We don't have an official bedtime for our DD (18 in a few weeks). When she began HS we encouraged her to get to bed. But the IB curriculum is *intense* (she'll start college as a sophomore). By the time she gets home from school, does homework, extra-curricular activities, judo, volunteering....we TRY to get her to go to bed at 11. Especially now that she is driving.

    If you micromanage a teen--esp a 17 yo, how will they learn to become an adult--esp if they are going off to college? In my book--as long as her grades are hanging in there, she's driving safely, acting responsibly, doing chores--then we try not to nag. Now after 11, we start reminding her. Weekends she tends to be up late then sleep in.

    I feel she has earned certain rights AND needs to learn to schedule herself. The only time we get very strict is if her grades are falling or if she's ill. Reality--she will be away from us in 6 months. They have to learn to be responsible AND face consequences of their actions.

    Of course I hear her alarm go off in the morning 5 thousand times and I've warned her that her roommate will probably hurt her if she doesn't learn to stop hitting snooze lol.

    But that's my take. She's a good girl. She's responsible. She's been accepted to her 2nd choice college and we're waiting to hear from her 1st choice. She's not perfect but I think we've done a good job of raising her--and now we need to show her we trust her.
  • StarsStars
    Posts: 1,145Member
    @theHeadacheslayer, I couldn't agree more with you IF my son was doing all that was expected of him. In the beginning of the school year he was told it was ok for him to determine his bedtime within reason as long as everything was staying on track. But after several months of warnings and missed days and driving him to school, enough was enough. It drives me insane he can't or won't follow the guidelines I've set for him in the past. It's been better after I showed him I meant everything I said when I issued his bedtime. He's been attempting to be more responsible and looking for a job. I think sometimes boys mature slower than girls and I blame myself for part of it...DH says I'm too soft and baby them. Ugh! Oh we'll! I keep trying to get it right :D
    apsycho

  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    @Stars oh I get it....and I haven't raised a teenage boy YET. So all this is on a girl who's always been very independent, self-driven, perfectionist and is very mature (for the most part).

    My son is a WHOLE nother ballgame. And I'm really not keen on those years quickly approaching!
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    See my ex & I are more like @SchweddyBalls
    You get home from school, get a drink, snack whatever... then do your homework. We don't want to hear at bedtime, "I didn't finish my homework." This goes for seniors in high school or 1st grade. It doesn't matter whose house they come to after school. Mine or his.

    You are going to be 18 in 2 months? Yay. You can move out & do your homework & miss the bus at your own apartment.... until then, it's bedtime. Night night.



    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member


    You are going to be 18 in 2 months? Yay. You can move out & do your homework & miss the bus at your own apartment.... until then, it's bedtime. Night night.





    ^^^applause
  • AceofSpades
    Posts: 1,515Member
    @Discombobulated 

    I agree with what others have said, set up a "bedtime" for electronics as an alternative. It's reasonable and within appropriate bounds for a 17 y/o. 

    The closet set up is VERY shady. All the more reason to take things away at 10pm

    Keep in mind that some cellphones can be Wi-Fi 'hotspots" and can be their own internet router without the need of a wireless signal from a home modem. Make sure her cell phone won't circumnavigate your limits. My Verizon Droid could do this for example. I didn't need anyone's wireless signal to get online.


    "Tough times pass, but tough bitches last"

    "I wish I could squirrel, but alas, I cannot"
  • BettyboBettybo
    Posts: 588Member
    wow. to be honest, I had moved out on my own at sixteen, I had no idea that 17 year olds still had a bedtime!!
    Harry Ray - 10th June 2013 <3<br />
    We all got old at breakneck speed, slow it down - go easy on me...
  • SecretLife
    Posts: 7Member
    sojo said:

    I've enforced bedtimes for teenagers before more than once and 10:00 is typical (and some of them have been 17).  If they're not getting up on time, then they obviously aren't mature enough to figure out to go to bed on time on their own, hence, it's my "job" as the parent to fix that problem.  Same with computer and webcam in the closet.  That's sneaky and devious and if she can't respect the house rules, the privilege is gone.  Not doing your homework, you don't get to go out with friends / boyfriends/ to parties etc until all the assignments are done and handed in.  Age has nothing to do with it.  Maturity and responsibility is what dictates how you get treated and how many privileges you get to enjoy.  Definitely not being too strict in my world.  Unfortunate that mom is undermining the consequence by supporting the daughter. 



    Well said! {Says strict mom of 3, age 14-19}
    I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.
    ~John Lennon~
  • goldie
    Posts: 109Member
    At 10PM I tell my 17 yr old "time for bed", otherwise he'd be on his computer all night.  By the time he's done dicking around and really in bed it's 10:30.  I have to tell him 3-4 times to get up so he can get his ass in his car by 7AM to be to school on time.  My kid is always honor roll, but if I had a teacher call me and inform me that he hadn't turned in work in over a month, he would wish a 10PM bedtime was his biggest problem.
  • ABCABC
    Posts: 4,100Member
    I think at 17, micromanaging will only bring resentment. I have not lived at home since 16, married at 18. But, to each their own :-) I just believe in choosing your battles.
    Be in control of your own happiness.
  • LittleTalksLittleTalks
    Posts: 1,376Member
    I agree with @abc. I was a total shit of a teenager, most nights of my last year of school I'd stay up til 6am then get up at 7.30 for school. If my parents tried to tell me to go to bed I'd pull the whole "you can't force me to go to sleep". I was working proper jobs since I was 15 and bought all my phones and stuff so they couldn't take them off me. But you know what? I had to get up for school/work regardless of what time I went to bed. Life kicks you in the ass at some stage and your kid might be one of those people who needs to figure it out for themselves. The best way to realise you're being a douche is to fail at things. I'm very thankful I failed because I never would have learned how to achieve.

    Eta: I was also suffering with pretty severe depression at this time which contributed a lot to the way I behaved. Just make sure there's nothing psychological going on there that you could be helping with.
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    I have a prefered bedtime of 930 for DD15, but thats just a get your ass in the bed and no electronics, If you want to read fine, think fine, draw or write fine just do it in your damn bed!! DD15 will put herself to bed between 730 and 10pm depending on how her day went. sometimes she naps for a couple hours and is still in bed at 930pm. She manages her time I dont have a set homework time, sometimes she gets up at 4am and does her homework, others its done at school. But bedtime is bedtime and she knows I will not relent on it. she values her sleep, she knows how many hours she needs to be able to function and be happy. I let her go on her instinct. It works for us. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    I had a bedtime until I moved out on my own. Of course, cell phones and laptops were still a bit of a luxury when I was in school. And forget about wifi. My children will have bedtimes then just as they do now. I think it's essential to keep rules in place for teens. They need to realize that just because they become adults does not mean that all the rules go out the window. Certain things will always be expected of them. Bedtime is easy compared to the things you have to deal with once you're on your own. And based on her recent behavior, I would say it's about time to not only enforce some existing rules, but implement some new ones. A laptop and webcam in the closet would set my bullshit radar off in a hurry!
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • Discombobulated
    Posts: 57Member
    Grits said:

    IThey need to realize that just because they become adults does not mean that all the rules go things will always be expected of them.

    I would say it's about time to not only enforce some existing rules, but implement some new ones. A laptop and webcam in the closet would set my bullshit radar off in a hurry!




    I agree. And new rules are jn place. Bedtime is 10:00 and laptop and phone are brought to the counter at 9:00.

  • rubydoorubydoo
    Posts: 328Member
    I think it all depends on the kid. I was working till 2am every morning when I was that age, with school the next day at 7:45 - I had to take naps after school to keep up with work and school.

    If your teen wants to stay up late/do shady things with her laptop at night, she will find a way to do it, rules or no rules ...
    Telling the truth, and making someone cry, is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    Why does a teen need a webcam? Shady shady
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    Beachy said:

    Why does a teen need a webcam? Shady shady



    Some computers come with them....I can't remember if my DD's has one or not....but we'll get her one so she can skype with us and her aunt who is moving.

    I really feel out of the loop here. If you raise your kid the right way, most of the time, they are just fine. You have to trust them sometime. I *completely* agree with punishments for poor grades, missing school, behaviour, etc. I just don't think that I'm "lucky" to have a good kid.

    I'm not some hippy kind of mom--you could ask my DD. We ARE strict. But she's earned our trust and she does need to make the little mistakes with us to avoid making big mistakes on her own.