I don't know how to be a woman anymore...
  • Tranquil
    Posts: 616Member
    Apparently I've completely lost 'me' since dS3 was born. I know this, friends & family im sure have noticed. All I do is work then I'm straight home. I used to do all sorts of things after work, I don't even shop anymore. Nothing.
    How do I get my head around the fact that I NEED to go out & do things for MYSELF and that I actually have supportive family that will 'allow' me to do so. Why do I always feel guilty for having some'me' time?
    I just need a little motivation I guess, hoping someone has solid advice.
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    I'm in the same boat. As a matter of fact, DH has even noticed that I'm a little off my game lately. He suggested I take some time for myself to do something I really like to do. Alone.

    I have no idea what that is, though. How bad is that?? I'm thinking I'm going to start with a day at the salon. New hair always helps...I'll be stalking this thread for ideas, though.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • Ladybug84
    Posts: 454Member
    I was the same way up until DD9 was about 3. Start off small, just going out for an hour or so to reconnect with a friend or to get your nails done. It will get easier to break away a little once you're used to it. I find that when I give myself a break I appreciate my family a lot more when I am home with them. Hope this helps a little.
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    Yes , baby steps so to speak , library wander Wallyworld or some such your fav drink at a coffee shop , yes sit relax sip do not look at ur watch , take an hour class exercise again library's have free stuff to do ceramics sewing anything just start :x
  • Im_not_AbbyIm_not_Abby
    Posts: 288Member
    And this is another reason I'm here. DH keeps telling me to go have me time but I hate shopping, can never coordinate no kid time with friends, or am too tired to care. I did get bored over Christmas break and dye my hair blue but right now me time means a drink and a nap. I'm a lot of fun...
  • pinksockspinksocks
    Posts: 35Member
    You definitely need time for yourself girl! I always feel better when I treat myself to something. Every Friday afternoon I get a manicure, I go to the gym and take yoga classes during the week. Those few things make a really, really big difference in my attitude and overall happiness each week. Sometime something as small as buying a new cute t-shirt or a nail polish keeps me going ;)
    Don't Forget To Smile!!!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,652Member
    I'm in the same boat. I feel guilty leaving DS3 bc it seems like we never get enough time with him bc of work :(. He stayed with my mom last Saturday night so DH and I could have a date for his birthday and I felt guilty. I can probably count the number if times he's spent the night away from us on my fingers. No advice, you're not alone. Going to stalk this for ideas too. :|
  • Tranquil
    Posts: 616Member
    Thanks ladies, at least I'm not alone :(. Exactly @anonymommy I have my mom looking after ds3 this sat so we can go out, I feel guilt already. @pinksocks wow that's awesome! I wish I could rid this guilt and just DO IT! Lol. How old are your kiddos? And what's your secret?
    @grits DH keeps asking me also what I want to do if i had a day to myself and I have no idea. It's sad. I had no idea that I would become 'that mom'. You know the one who forgets about herself and only focuses in her children. That's me!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,652Member
    Try to enjoy your date night.  I know our DS has a blast when he's at grandma's, I'm sure yours does too.  I think we just get in our own heads too much.
  • Tranquil
    Posts: 616Member
    you're right @anonymommy once I'm out I'll have fun, and DS doesn't even notice lol he loves grandma and grandpa they spoil him rotten. It's all in my head for sure lol
  • GPAMomGPAMom
    Posts: 562Member
    I stay at home with four kids. Schedules don't always work out with date nights with my husband or friends. And adding the cost of a babysitter to date night sometimes makes it not happen at all. So, over the years- I've occasionally gone to dinner and a movie by myself, while my husband stays with the kids. Sometimes I don't want to deal with anyone else- so dinner someplace I don't generally go to with my husband or kids and then a movie that I want to see. (With popcorn and soda and candy that I don't have to compromise on what kind to get with anyone.)

    Dinner by yourself may seem odd at first. A prop such as your phone or a book can make it easier to eat alone. When I was a teenager I used to fret that other people would think I didn't have any friends- now I don't care and savor meals where I don't have to talk to anyone.

    I'm an introvert at heart- the things that make you happy may vary! :-)

  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    The more you go out and spend some me time the less guilty you will feel. Im with the other ladies, start small. A walk around the block, window shopping downtown, or coffee out somewhere. You dont have to give yourself a time limit or curfew that way you wont be watching the clock. It doesnt even have to be once a week, hell once a month will renew your soul. work your way up to spa day or movie night or dinner/lunch out. Before you know it you'll be taking a girls weekend retreat!!!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    I am totally in the same boat as you. I was a SAHM for almost 2 years, been back to work for almost 4 months now and I feel lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, besides a wife and a mom (which I love, but I need to be me too). I just started talking to DH about feeling this way recently. He doesn't really understand, but I told him I am going to start doing stuff for me. To make me feel better, which will in tun make me a better wife and mom. I am getting braces tomorrow (it has been put on the backburner for over 2 years) because I am tired of feeling self-conscious. I am also getting a haircut and highlights to also give me a boost. I don't enjoy mani/pedis, but I did just buy a new nail polish and did my own toenails. :) I plan to start having dinner with my girl friends more often and just trying to enjoy myself more. I feel guilty when I leave dh and ds2 at home and that feeling needs to stop. Just becaue we are the "moms" shouldn't mean that we are required to be with our lo's 24/7, ya know? We deserve fun! Hell, if I run to the store by myself I am always in a hurry because I feel like I need to get home...that needs to stop too. So yeah, what I'm saying is that I feel you completely. Just make a mental list of things that you enjoy or have been wanting to do and start working on that list!! It will make you feel so much better!! I even bought lipstick last week...I don't even remember the last time I wore lipstick, much less bought some!! Little steps...WE CAN DO IT!
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    DW seems to be going through something similar.  I always suggest that she just do something small like go to Barnes and Noble or meet up with a friend for coffee.  She does enjoy a mani and pedi as often as she can.  But I do worry that she's not getting enough "me" time. 
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    @episcopal you are doing the right thing, just keep suggesting different things to get her out and enjoying herself! I wish my dh would suggest it more...that would alleviate some guilt when I do go somewhere.  
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    Thanks, @SaraMommy.  DW, DD and I will be taking a cruise during the middle of February and it will be good for all of us considering how hard the last five years have been.  Hopefully we'll all come back a lot more refreshed, especially DW. 

    I don't mean this in any negative way, but I think getting into an exercise routine will help her get her energy levels back.  She's talked about doing that.  I've encouraged her and hope she follows through.  Maybe we'll go together... 
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    @episcopal hopefully the cruise helps everyone feel nice and refreshed!!! And I agree about getting into an exercise routine. My dh has been bugging me about that for a while and I know it would help with energy, but I just can't get the energy to get motivated in the first place! So yeah...I need to work on my will power skills too...
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    @SaraMommy, even though I've been a pretty good roll for the past month going to the Y, I still have those days when changing into sweats and driving there seems like the most horrendous chore.  I'm just too tired!  But once I force myself to get going and after I get into a routine with the weights or on the treadmill, those endorphins start pumping.  If I can keep that happening, my energy level and mood can stay up there on at least a somewhat consistent level.  I both think and hope this will be the case with DW too.

    It's true what they say about that first step being the hardest!  And, yes, the willpower!  Buying two containers of Edy's this morning didn't help me in that department!  But that Thin Mint Cookie ice cream is absolutely irresistible!
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    @episcopal lol your ice cream addiction sounds eerily familiar to my chocolate addiction. As much as I tell myself that I will start to workout, eat better, etc...I still can't avoid the chocolate at the grocery...sigh. One step at a time! :)
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    @SaraMommy, I just read your post from this morning.  Having some "me" time will give your DH and DS some "daddy and little man" time (only phrase I could think of).  My DW reminded me that the time I spent with DD when she was little was all about creating memories.  This would be a great time for the two of them to connect just by themselves.
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    @episcopal Very good point and I know dh enjoys that time with ds...I guess I just wish he would encourage me more to go so I wouldn't feel as guilty doing so, if that makes sense :)
  • Zooy
    Posts: 167Member
    It's hard finding time for yourself. I'm struggling with it as well. Tonight I'm going to a play by myself (none of my 3 friends wanted to go) but I know I'll enjoy it!
  • Dixie
    Posts: 6Member
    I've found a nice way to get time off home by taking turns with a befriended couple with kids who live next door. The other mum and I will go together for some kind of activity (movie, coffee or drinks) in the evening - and the guys will take their turn another time, like watch a game or go to the movies too. Even if neither of us get to do things as a couple it's been great to get out and vent a little to another female. She and I would also go for runs together with the smallest ones in a jogger - our standing appointment was Sunday mornings at 0730, whatever weather. Just some ideas......
  • mama2boys
    Posts: 45Member
    This sounds trivial, but on the weekends, I insist on walking our dog all alone!  My DH used to do most of the weekend dog walking (we live in a condo), but I have figured out how nice it is to go.  I don't take the kids (like I have to do during the week) and they all know that I get to walk Shaggy at least one time to get out of the house and have some me time on the weekend.  This is one of my simple tricks!  
  • Tranquil
    Posts: 616Member
    I went shopping and an had an amazing adult night out and it was great! Getting rid of the guilt little by little.
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,652Member
    Yay!
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member

    i joined a chior. its free. before i leave i feed the kids dinner and put them in pjs so all dh has to do is change the baby once before bed and put them down.

    when i drop ds at preschool and dd falls alseep in the car, i will run in the house and get a cup of coffee and a book/mag/whatnot and let her sleep while listening to the radio.

    i do not watch the clock whn i grocery shop. i go 2 times a month for 'big' shopping and 2 other timesamonth for 'quick' shopping.

    ****it took me MONTHS to do this. i did not happen overnight. to use my fav quote 'greatness takes time, but i can give you shitty right now'. it takes time to get into a new habbit but you can do it!****

    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    What is time alone? seriously even at night with df at work and the kids in bed i have animals following me and climbing on me. and they pick on each other like little kids. When the kids are at school df is constantly with me.. im trying to coinside a night that my bff and i can go out to coffee.. Shes having major marital problems and has quite a few kids.. So even shes stuck. At least we have phones and we see each other a once a week cause i watch her two youngest so we get a few minutes of face time.. but we both have busy hectic lives. id kill for a morning to get my hair done!!
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • Luna523Luna523
    Posts: 867Member
    Anyone have any ideas for a mommy that literally has like $5 til March 3rd..?
    I'm so broke, I can't buy anything frivolous. Sometimes I take a walk but it's winter I'm in KC Missouri soooo I do what I can lol. I'd really appreciate any ideas. Besides detailing my house like a meth head and laundry. Fuck cleaning I swear...
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,887Member
    @Luna523 I am married to a KC native and he has told me that the worst part of growing up /living there til 2007 was the insane cabin fever the winter causes!! I would suggest going to the KC website (can't remember it offhand) but its an arts and entertainment site that I believe the KC Star runs that lists freebie stuff around town and I know Kaleidoscope @ Crown center is free for a good kiddo outing
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    @stinkersmommy, even Chicago with all it has to offer can't seem to break cabin fever this year.  Everyone just seems more blah than in winters past.  Sunshine today, though, is really lifting my spirits.
  • Tranquil
    Posts: 616Member
    We have the winter blahs here in Southern Ontario as well. But the sun is shining here too today @episcopal and just being around people makes a difference in the winter even if its walking around the mall. @luna523 what about your local library they sometimes have activities or a local art gallery. We have some small galleries that are free and I find that rejuvenating.
  • Luna523Luna523
    Posts: 867Member
    Thanks for the tips guys. I appreciate it!