Amicable divorce advice
  • frehleyfrehley
    Posts: 11Member
    I'm looking for some scaries who might be / have been in the same situation I am in now and can provide some good insight and a few do's / don'ts.

    My (ex) husband and I have been separated for 3 years and I have expressed to him that I would like to get this divorce business finished so we can all just proceed with our respective lives. We have no assets or property together anymore. The only thing left to do is complete a parenting plan then we can file our paperwork and get this shit over with.

    What kind of snags did you experience? What were the hardest decisions to agree on? What things needed to be included that you maybe didn't even know needed to be included?

    I want to be as informed as possible and try to work out some of it between the two of us to cut down on legal costs.

    Thanks!!
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Car
    Orthodontics
    Medical copays and prescriptions
    Alternate plan for scheduled days
    Filing dependents for tax purposes
    School fees and supplies
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Car insurance
    College tuition
    College books and dorm
    Dermatologist
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,887Member
    Creepy as it sounds agreeable guardianship should one or both of you fail to see the kiddo make 18 , also who is an agreeable mediator (stand in) for drop offs / pick ups in case of delays and school approved people
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    My ex and i its the holidays... and summer vaca... i hate that ds is subjected to his stoned out to good to work or support his child in any way douchecano father.. he was a great dad til i left him... he says that since ds lives with my df and i df is finacially responsible for our ds... fucktard... sorry i had to let ds talk to him today and the ex promised chuck e cheese for ds birthday in a few weeks... he isnt visiting... i cant afford it at all..
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    Ive had one of the most amicable divorces/separations and we still didnt see eye to eye about stuff. One of the things being what @beerwench said, tax deductions and parenting time. Good luck
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Oh and both need to have life insurance with kids as benificiary as well as a will with alternates if both of you were to die.
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    My ex & I have what people have been known to call the the most amicable divorce they have ever seen.
    We'll be out in public together with the kids even, and people ask, "Didn't you guys get divorced?"
    (I'm remarried)

    BeerWench said:

    Oh and both need to have life insurance with kids as benificiary as well as a will with alternates if both of you were to die.



    YES ^^^^ YES YES!!!

    Don't assume he wants the same living situation for your child that you do if something were to happen to both of you.
    You might want your mom & he might want his crazy Aunt Lucy.

    Custody & divorce are two separate things. Do you already have that in writing through the courts?
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    I packed up what he came into the marriage with and drove it to his new apt, unpacked for him and dropped off paper work. He screwed it up 3 times, dragged it out, but finally after 3 years he just signed. We both had our seperate lives and everything kinda sorted itself out. then he dropped off the face of the earth so no need to worry about anything related to DD15, she wasnt his to begin with. Good luck, it can be cheaper to do it on your own, but the emotional toll is the same. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • regpregp
    Posts: 1,445Member
    We had what our attorney described as "the most amicable divorce I've seen in over 30 years of practice" and offered more than once if we wanted to just remarry later that we could. "Nothing is permanent". LOL no way man!

    The only snag we had was that the court insists that one of the parents be named "primary". We share custody 50/50. They are at my house from 5pm Sunday to 5pm the following Sunday and then they are at their Dad's until 5Pm the next Sunday. They have a room, clothes, everything they need at both places so the only thing they actually have to make sure and carry back and forth is their school backpack and books.
    Anyway, the court requires a primary and we didn't find that out until we were actually in the courtroom so we had to pow wow very quickly to resolve it. It was the one thing that I said I wouldn't budge on me being the primary. He never made decisions regarding them when we were married, always leaving the final decision to me "so if anything happens to them it will be your fault". So I wanted to have the final say after. The court is afraid that if no one is named primary and you come to a stalemate on a decision you will be back in court trying to fight it out.

    The only thing saving you from me is Jesus.
  • UnrestMomUnrestMom
    Posts: 92Member
    Everything above and
    clothing allowence
    Cell phone
    School fees and lunches
    who will make and take to dr appts

    Dont just assume if you agree to.split things 50/50 you will be on the same page about what expenses are necessary. My ex assumes his 10%(had him pay less than allowed bc I assumed he would pay expenses) CS should cover everything. Well it barely covers food and shelter and he refuses to share expenses like sporting fees and equipment bc he feels they are not necessary. Look through your checkbook and such and list EVERYTHING you can think of and how to split it...court is expensive and judges are not amused when you are sqabbling over cell phone bills and football fees...but that shit adds up quick!
  • UnrestMomUnrestMom
    Posts: 92Member

    Right of first refusal

    Make sure they are required to make your children the beneficiaries(at least partial) on retirement plans as well as life insurance. A friend recently had to bury her father and his "new" wife of 5 years didn't offer a dime of $$ she recieved from his death benefits, nothing like haveing to pay for a funeral with a loan for 5+ years.

     

    Sorry, I could write a book on this subject as we just finished round 3 of court and divorced for 4 years.

    Things can be amicable now, as in my case we got along fairly well, but when a new GF/BF enters the picture things can go south quickly. It is best to make your agreement as tight as possible so if future problems arise your child is protected and provided for.

  • frehleyfrehley
    Posts: 11Member
    Currently the ones I am concerned.about are primary and guardianship. We have already had a short discussion re guardianship and it looks like that is one of the topics we need legal assistance to mediate so that it does not turn into something long and nasty.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member

    And we had a great relationship with XW - family vacations together, kids functions together, Seven years of happy co-parenting... then DSS turned 16 and she wanted a brand new BMW for him and he was failing out of school.  In short, we refused and the fall out has been going on for 6 years now. Three more years to go with DSD. 

    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • frehleyfrehley
    Posts: 11Member
    Well shit scaries, just spoke with a lawyer, and although I think she wants me to get more out of him than I do, and I've no doubt she can get it, shit be spensive! AND is required upfront. 

    That's a lot of mc'dollars for this currently not working chiquita who starts school in September!
  • frehleyfrehley
    Posts: 11Member
    @BeerWench- nice moves putting your foot down!

    When my kid is 16, he can save up his stockboy/dish pit/whatever DS16 does for work 11 years from now and get his own damn shit!
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    @frehley stick to your guns about what YOU want, not the attorney.

    Also, don't share an attorney and pay for a good one. It's painful to write the retainer check, but worth every penny.

    Good luck!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    If you can't come to an agreement about guardianship & primary custody etc... than you may have to deal with more than a mediator. That sucks though, if he is not going to be easy about it. Just sitting with a mediator would have been a snap.

    If the lawyer can help... great. But, I agree with @BeerWench, don't let them push you into more than you are trying to do. It's just going to cause you more stress than you need.


    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • just_mejust_me
    Posts: 1,035Member
    Kudos to you for being amicable...its sooo nice to see people act like adults. Its so good for your kids to see that! My ds13 dad and I are like that. We both love our son and equally support him. Its so nice and calm. I wish more people were adults.
    I can't be perfect all the time...so give it up already!
  • frehleyfrehley
    Posts: 11Member
    I just wish someone would hire my ass so I could really get the ball rolling!