Motherhood Comes Naturally (and other vicious lies) is available in stores, and online, NOW. Do you have it yet? Have you told all your friends and family about it?
**Get it, share it, and spread the joy!**
Kids and the crazy/cute stuff they do
-
So I got 3 kids of my own. They're good kids for the most part but sometimes they do some really crazy and/or cute things!
For example, yesterday we were at BIL's ranch, hubs had ds 1 1/2 y.o and they were supposed to petting the horses and out of no where the kid pokes the horses eye! I couldn't help but lol, BIL, not so happy, but hey what'd u expect from a baby! The other 2 are just as crazy, but I want to here from you all, (c'mon it's my first thread, aside from me introducing myself)
:\"> -
My daughter collected used bandaids because the blood on them looked like pictures. I didn't know this until she took her collection to Kindergarten show and tell. Gross.
-
My DD20mos recently started getting REALLY interested in our cat. She'll squat down next to him and giggle, then start smacking him or screeching in his face. She's doing it out of sheer excitement, but takes it too far lol. Or she'll grab his tail as he walks by and laughs her ass off as he "tows" her around. Thank god he is such a good cat, he'll just dart off if he doesn't like it. But I feel bad for him because he's 8 years old, showing signs of old age, and NOW she decides "momo" (Milo) is the best thing ever. I can't wait til she is picking him up and dangling him by his armpits, classic toddler style lol
-
Mine sings. Like ALL the time, awake, asleep, in the tub, on the toilet. She makes up these epically long songs.Bite me, cupcake!
-
my dd3 talks nonstop even in her sleep lol
-
My kids like to carry our kitten around.. she on the other hand would rather kiss the dog... in other words she hates it but she will go limp and play dead til the put her down.. then shes gone..mom of wild children
going to the chapel 7/5/2014 -
My two make this screaming banshee noise at each other. They constantly have conversations like this...“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings -
My now-15 feline would lay next to baby DD and allow her to chew his ears, his tail, grab his fur in fists, tow her by his tail...he WOULD NOT LEAVE. He just layed and purred. Of course I made her stop these things, try to teach her to pet the kitty nice (SLAPSLAPSLAP poor cat) pet the kitty gentle (slapslapslap still poor cat). Just for the record, he also allowed this behavior from the puppies.DD may have been about 6, DS 2. They had one of those wagons with sides. We had a steep driveway they liked to barrel down in this wagon. (Nervewracking).. We lived on the side of a hill, cut in to it, so imagine the drive went behind the house (for water delivery) higher on the hill, then came down to where the house was, and continued down to the bottom of the hill. Anyway, I caught her getting set to load up her and her brother and go down off the practically vertical side slope of the drive, into the parking area next to the house. There were two cinderbrick steps on that slope, and MY SUV WAS PARKED THERE!!! So, had the kids avoided the bricks somehow, they still would have had an unrestrained low speed collision with my SUV. Know what she told me?? "Mom. I would never put my little brother in danger. I already know it's safe to do, because I tried it by myself!" HOLY CRAP....
-
Some asshole decided to teach my kids how to play the punchbuggy/isee a Volkswagen bug game the wrong way. One of them would see a Volkswagen and scream "punchbuggy!!" and they would start punching the crap out of each other in the backseat. They are 18 and 21, now, but when I find that fucker, I am going to yell punchbuggy!! And knock the shit out of them, and show a pic of my kids when they were little and ask"remember me?" gave me a fucking heart attack twice a week until the little one was in third grade.i'm nekkid.
-
DS 18 months is obsessed with eating paper. No matter how clean the house is he manages to find some, and gets all animated about it, like "MMMM!" evety time he shoves it in his mouth, thn runs so you can't dig it out.
Whatever, just eat it then.
More fiber in his diet. -
I wonder if handmade paper would be be considered "whole grain"? my son did that, too.i'm nekkid.
-
Wow!! And I thought my kids did crazy stuff! :D Well here's a cute/weird one for y'all, ds 1.5 has a toy doggy it's a hand me down from my dd8 so it's old and was missing his ears. Well he found its openings and started un-stuffing it, I started find stuffing inside of his shirt in the am and didn't know where it was coming from till I saw the poor dog with a droopy head, he's done this since he was about 8 mths and when ever he's extra fussy and having a hard time falling asleep I give him a hand full of 'stuff' he puts it in his shirt and off to sleep he goes! #:-S
-
I once came come to a babysitter chatting on the phone....did not even notice me...and my dd was butt ass naked in the kitchen with the fridge door open and using ranch dressing as lotion. Boyo was burning toy soldiers heads and crotches with a magnifying glass in the bedroom......my bedroom. On my carpet.....it wasn't pretty....i'm nekkid.
-
@undercoverbanana, I hope you fired her!! Lol!
-
Yep. She didn't get paid for that night, either.i'm nekkid.
-
my ds11mo eats fliers and homework. no.other paper. ONLY fliers and homework. he also does this strange thing where he kinda bounces his head between his hands then.starts clapping.. crazy kiddont mistake my kindness for weakness
-
I know my DS8 is taking a shit because every time he does, without fail, he sings. He's done this ever since he started pooping on the potty. Well tonight we went to IHOP as per my son's request. About halfway through our meal he tells me he gas to go potty so I send him in. (Yea he goes to the bathroom by himself depending on where we are and how busy it is.) He ended up being in there for a while so I sent in DF to check on him. He cones out laughing to himself. Apparently Adrian was doing a good job of entertaining himself on the toilet. So I asked DF if he was singing and he said yes. I told him he must be shitting. He does it every time. DF thought this was very funny.
-
My ds5 eats his war wax! Yuck!! My dd8 screams bloody murder when I have to clip her toe nails! Ds5 EATS ANYTHING!! He was pooping and told me to check poop, I saw a long peice of thread was holding his poop together!! Ewwww!! Gross!!
-
When DS3 was 2, he used a broom handle to knock my purse down off of a high shelf. That was so that he could get my car keys out of it. In the seconds it took me to track the noise and find him, he was sitting in the front seat of my van- with the seat belt on- and trying to jam various keys into the ignition.
-
@GPAMom LMAO "Screw this shit. I'm outta here!"
-
@GPAmom at least he buckled the seatbelt lol"Be the change you wish to see in the world"
"Don't Panic" -
My little guy hums the entire time he pees - every time. Even in public restrooms.
-
DS used to sing while he pooped, that's how you could tell what was going on. I'm not sure when he quit, but he doesn't do it anymore.
-
When DS was 8mo he had this toy at Grandma and Grandpa's that had the table in the center, with a seat attached that he could move in circles around the table. They have a 2yo pitbull who thinks he is still a baby, and the dog would run in circles around the table with DS chasing him. Then they would both freeze for a second, then turn around in unison and the dog would then chase DS around the table.
@123 - my 11mo does the same thing with his head!
My beach is still Sandy.... -
DD 20 mo spends an odd amount of time soothing all her toys. She'll wander around the house gathering them up, and then line them up on her floor and go to each one (she usually ends up with about 5 stuffed animals, a baby, and 3 or 4 random plastic fish that came from nowhere) and pat them all on the head, give it a big hug, and say "You alright? Don't cry. Shh." It takes quite awhile since she's soothing like 10 victims. Then she flaps her arms all over the place, scattering them across the floor. I guess she's just getting them all ready for the tornado attack she's about to impart upon them.
-
Well this is pretty weird.....I'm warning you........my DS18 shaves his junk. It is disturbing to me that I even know this! How do I know you ask? I have to buy different razors, disposable ones for his junk and refill cartridges for his face. :-S
-
Lol!! @Kitty69, at least he's being clean! A hairy guy is a total turnoff IMO
-
For two years now, DS4 will turn into a cat when he doesn't want to talk to somebody. He just starts saying "Meow!" or some other variation in a high-pitched, almost squealing, voice. Doesn't matter if he's getting in trouble, has to stop playing to do something else, or just doesn't like what I'm saying (usually when discussing what's for dinner), he will drop to the ground and start "meowing.""I will hold on hope, and I won't let you choke on the noose around your neck. And I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways. I'll know my name as it's called again."
-"The Cave" Mumford & Sons -
My DD17 months sings all the time, dances whenever she hears any music, the ah-ohs when something falls, the ti-toos (thank yous), and the daily kisses (pluckered lips and smacking noises) and hugs for the whole family, most of the stuffed animals and especially for the cat....
She's a ham."Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins -
When my youngest ds was in preschool & his teacher told him to do something he didn't want to do he barked at her. He never bit her, though, so it was all good.
-
My ds2 this week said "l'm trouble Mom".... Not sure where he got that from! And when I ask him to put on his listening ears he says "it's hard sometimes Mom". Lmfao too funny!I'm going to the zoo zoo zoo. You can come too too too....
-
When Ds5 yawns, farts, sneezes or any other body noise, he says its his power, you know like his superhero power! Lol!
Dd8 squirms like a lil worm when it comes to clean her ears, she produces more wax from one than the other so it can get rally bad! She's disgusting!! -
DD2 is a drama queen, when she's in trouble I always ask "do you got me?" when I've finished telling her why she's in trouble. I mostly do it because she pouts, nods and says, "yes momma i got me" (i find it ridiculously adorable, probably why I haven't killed her yet)DD8 still crys when you blowdry her hair. It makes me super angry. I don't understand why she cries, every freakin' time.
-
My daughter tried to pluck her eyebrows like mommy when she was 5. She had huge bald spots. It took forever to grow back.
-
Dd8 was 7 and I caught her shaving her legs and arms!
-
Dd4 is a saint, so much so that I had dd2. Dd2 is BAD. Her family calls her Molicote
(Molly-coat) it means mischievous in Filipino. She is bad bad bad. If I catch her she mediately says I sorry mommy. If I don't catch her her sister says it was Tay! Not matter what.
Flour angels on the kitchen floor?
Raw meat all over the house?
Crayon and marker drawings on the new tv?
Ah shit, too much to list! But they do make me laugh.
Today I was on the phone with the IRS and dd2 was bouncing around me shouting Hi Grandma! It's Me! Over and over bc the agent didn't say hi sweetie or the like. Lol! The agent did get the point that I was busy though, haha.Searching for my lost shaker of salt. -
@beachy contemplating calling dd "Molly" for short - no one would be the wiser LoL it definitely fits her@laughlinlzr (pre me) when DH was single dad my SDD was about 7 she decided to try shaving her eyebrows - ended up cutting herself and has a perma baldspot on her left brow from the scar
-
I was in the living room, I heard dsd screaming, which wasn't unusual. She was 6 and had down syndrome. Screaming was how she communicated, and played lol. I asked dss "what's your sister doing?" " yelling. Cause j is sitting on her." J was 1 and a half yrs old. I go to the bedroom, j is sitting on his 6 yr old sister who wasn't moving to get him off, just yelling. It was hilarious.
-
DD2 hasn't mastered the use of pronouns yet. She'll come to me after she's fallen off something and say "I hurt your leg," or when she wants picked up, she'll say, "Let me hold you," instead of "I want you to hold me." She'll also say, "Sheldon's a pretty cat, doesn't he?"
She also lectures the cat and tries to put him to bed. "Now listen what I say me, Sheldon. I say me it's bedtime, and you go to sleep, okay? Don't be a naughty girl and stay up. You lay down." Then she sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to him while sitting on him. Then, inevitably, "MAMA SHELDON DOESN'T LISTENIN' TO ME! I GONNA TELL HIM WHAT-FOR!" I don't even know where she got that. And God help us, the other day, when she was telling DH on the cat, DH suggested that she give him titty to go to sleep, because she still nurses to sleep. And she tried.
-
"Her family calls her Molicote"
@Beachy my mother tells me my dd5 is masiyadong malikot and makolit."Fantastic!" 9th Doctor -
I used to have a very sweet but incredibly stupid kitty. He would jump on the table, and if he was facing the wall the thought he was stuck. I actually saw him panic in a paper bag. Once I had a really bad case of strep, and still had to work, and I came home, and my dd had him stuffed in her babydoll bed with his tail and back feet sticking out. He was wearing a baby bib she had taken off one of her teddy bears, and she was spoonfeeding him the last can of chicken soup straight from the can. She thought he was sick.i'm nekkid.
-
@Beachy my kids used to blame things on the cats all the time, specifically the gray tabbies (because they were ROTTEN!!). They would say "the tabbies did it" or "It was Angel", even if it was shit cats can't do (not even tabbies).
-
I used to babysit a lil girl, I was having a convo with someone in the living room when we heard a somewhat loud ppfrrrrrr!!! We both turned around surprised and and started laughing....we asked her who it was and she said the table did it! Lol!! She was only 2
-
Brianna would fart and then giggle and say. " that was my butt talking ! It said I Love you !!!" then more giggles ! Se would laugh and snort and laugh and snort. =)) When she got really laughing she would actually roll on the ground ! Laughing and kicking and snorting." Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
" I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
" Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
yea I am geek !! -
The little guy loves to sing. He even made up a new song and sang it for the first time in the line at Target. It's called Nipple and the lyrics are , of course, "nipple nipple nipple". It's a follow up to his first hit "Peepee Poopoo Puppy Wow".
-
My DD2 will only listen to, and dance to, songs by Ke$ha.
Epitome of weird lol"I wish I could squirrel, but alas, I cannot" -
When my 10 year old was like 18 mos. my in laws took her to the beach. Apparently she like the pebbles on the beach, but didn't have a bucket... So she put the pebbles up her cooch. Later, at home my MIL put my daughter in the tub & pebbles fell out. My MIL called me laughing hysterically... Your daughter gives to meaning to getting your rocks off....




















