husband and I fight over everything
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    My husband has been nagging me to get a job for 2 yrs now. My daughter is finally old enough to go to preschool and I feel I'm able to find work. I went for a working interview today and they said to go ahead and assume the job is mine, they would call me tomorrow to confirm that I was officially hired. I technically not hired yet. The down side is they are open on sat 8-12. I thought it could be something that could be worked out. When I discuss the situation with my husband he goes
    off, ranting about how could I be so careless and not think about our daughter. I'm never gonna see her. I'll only have one full day with her. I'll miss all of her dance recitals. Now he says I need to find a part time. Which I would have to look for a job in a whole new industry, getting paid squat. In t. Position I'm applying for now I can make $16- $18 an hour. I feel very frustrated. Then he got mad bc I can home and ate lunch. I got off at 1pm and was starving so I ate. He says now I'm taking away from our quality time that we have when we all eat dinner together. This is ridiculous. Bc one day I don't feel like eating dinner bc I just ate .....I just can't take this arguing anymore!
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Maybe he should outline all his expectations - said sarcastically. Sounds like you are doing great to me!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 7,953Member
    I didn't know nagging was considered quality time. 8-|

    "I don't poop. I create magic."- ABC

    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

    For every loser there's one that has to win. So bite your tongue, grit your teeth and grin...
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    @marysunshine: exactly! We fight over everything. We have major trust issues, all his BS. Now I'm thinking maybe it finally hit him that I might leave. Ive threatened before if only I had money I would move out. Which is
    Why maybe he is now insisting in "part time".
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    Mind you all this arguing, and I haven't even got the job.
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    I really liked this office too. The staff was really nice. The manger has a sweet caring demeanor. They were really impressed with my work. She didn't flinch when I said my expected salary was $18. Now I have to pass this up before I even get the job offer.
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 7,953Member
    Don't pass up the job if you really want it. What about his relationship with your daughter? He's not looking forward to a little more Daddy-daughter time?
    What I'm taking from that is he's not looking forward to having to be responsible for her or the house while you're work. Tough cookies.

    Shit or get off the pot is what I'd tell him. Make up your mind, Buttercup.
    "I don't poop. I create magic."- ABC

    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

    For every loser there's one that has to win. So bite your tongue, grit your teeth and grin...
  • KellynnKellynn
    Posts: 2,284Member
    It sounds like he changes his mind on a whim. He kept bugging you to go back full time, you interviewed and probably have it. Now he doesn't like the hours, and it sounds like he just doesn't want to take sole care of the dd. You can't just change your mind like that and expect you to blindly obey him, you know? It sounds like you worked hard to get this, and you will probably enjoy it. I think you should accept, if offered, and just tell him it's on a trial basis. It will give you time to see what it's going to be like to work full time again and manage everything else. It will also allow you to save ome money. I would not give this opportunity up.
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    I also think you should take it. 4 hours on a Saturday isn't much at all and it sounds like you are excited about it and the pay sounds good. It sounds like he is afraid to be alone with his child. Oh well, that's what happens when you're a parent.
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 2,108Member
    Take the job if it's offered.
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    BeerWench said:

    Maybe he should outline all his expectations - said sarcastically.



    Oh, yeah. So basically everything you do is wrong? Am I reading this right?
    Ditto to the ladies about him having to watch dd on Sat mornings. But you're selfish?

    Take the job. Please take the job. I think it's the smartest move for you & dd right now.
    Start building an emergency fund too.

    And congrats on landing the job, sweetie!! =D>
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    Accept! Cheer cheer! DO it! Independence, woman!!! It's important. He can Suck It Up Buttercup!!
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    Ahhh.... I can breath again. Thank you ladies, I just needed to reaffirm I'm not going crazy here. I will take the job! Hopefully I get it.
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    No way in hell would I ever pass up a job like that to appease DH. You shouldn't either. Tell him to suck it up and deal or he can find himself somewhere else to be. No need for you to pass up an awesome opportunity just so he doesn't bitch. Fingers crossed for you! I hope you get exactly what you want!
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • SalllyWingo
    Posts: 1,557Member
    It sounds as though he doesn't know what he wants... and what he wants doesn't necessarily matter.  If YOU want the job, take it!  Everything will work out.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    KrabbyKay said:

    Accept! Cheer cheer! DO it! Independence, woman!!! It's important. He can Suck It Up Buttercup!!




    YES!!!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    I got the job! I got the call the next day and I explained that I truly wanted to accept the position but working on Saturday is not the best fit for my family at this time. She said was not expecting that, but she wanted to speak to me about my asking salary which was $18, she offered me $16. I told her that if she would work with me with the Saturday's I would accept the $16. And she said she would make it work to were I would only have to work 1 sat a month. Now I have been looking into preschool. I want to put my daughter in a Montessori preschool and the tuition is $900 a mo. Now I feel I should tried to negotiate for atleast $17. Is $ 16 a fair salary for a busy administrative position? I hope I'm making the right decision. Especially considering I would still start making an emergency fund for myself. I can't stand my husband anymore. I can't overcome all his past lies. Today he was having a ph conversation with his mother (I hate her) and was talking so low that I didn't even know he was on the phone. You can always hear him when his on the ph we live in a small 2 bedroom house. He says he wasnt being sneaky. But I don't believe him. I don't know what he could possibly be talking to his mom about. I don't care really. I don't trust him. This of course was just one more argument. My 4.9 yr old telling us both to stop which is the only way we do stop. I can't keep hurting her this way anymore. It's bad enough I'm always depressed with low levels of energy. Push myself to keep up with the housework. I haven't spend much quality time with her anymore. All I want to do is watch tv and I tell her
    I'll play later and I only actually will play with her twice week. And I have this guilt for not doing enough for her just more negativity that keeps me in my depression. I know I'm losing precious time with her that is gone forever. I struggle with breaking up her family or possibly being in more peace with out having to stress about fighting with her
    Dad anymore. But this is guaranteed to bring more peace either.
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    Honestly I'd accept the $16/hr and ask for a raise in a few months, after you've shown your worth. And congrats!

    As for your relationship, if you can't make it work then cut your losses and split. Lifes too short to be miserable. And you won't find anyone that will make you happy if you're stuck with someone who doesnt
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    I know that now that I'm going to start working leaving will be much easier. Atleast I wont feel stuck anymore. I hope that if that's the way it's suppose to be itll just hit me one day, and I will just get up and leave.
  • Gianna
    Posts: 142Member
    I was really hoping that once I started working we'd be able to afford some marriage consuling. But this preschool tuition is so high consueling doesn't seem feasible anymore. But I don't want to sacrifice my daughters care.
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    Sometimes really good care isn't the most expensive care. Do some visiting around, and I'm sure you can find something that provides a great atmosphere for your daughter that you can afford. Honestly, a secure home is more important than a flashy daycare. If you need to find something a little less expensive in order to go to therapy, then please make therapy a financial priority.

    And CONGRATULATIONS on getting the job!!!!!! You're going to do great!
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    Aww, that's great news!! Congrats on the job!! =D>
    Nice work on negotiating down to one Saturday! I wouldn't ask for more money right now.
    They conceded on the weekends. That $2 could be the dif between you getting it & someone who will take the 16 plus work Saturdays.

    For the counseling, will you be receiving benefits at this job? Maybe that's included?
    As to leaving, getting this job was a big step. I hope your marriage improves, but if not, you're in a much stronger position than you were a week ago. Good job!!
  • Manders15Manders15
    Posts: 3,423Member
    Congratulations on the job!!! This will give you the extra cash just in case. Also as someone else said, try to negotiate for a raise after you've totally wowed them for a few months