Lazy husbands/so
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    I guess this fits in this category...

    What do you guys do when your so is pretty much a lazy bum and doesn't do anything to help with chores day to day stuff etc.

    Example #1 I clean everything in our house and do all the laundry and I've told dh countless times put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Yet everyday his damn dirty clothes are on the floor RIGHT GREAKING NEXT TO THE HAMPER!!!! It drives me batty. I've tried telling him everyday like he's a freaking child that just makes me resent him more, I've tried talking to him about how the fact that he can't take .2 seconds out of his day to make sure they go IN the hamper is like a tiny reminder that he just doesn't give a rats ass. His response to that was I **cant** remember to do it because I don't know that I do it....whattheactualfuck do you have blackouts every morning or what?

    Example #2 we have a dog (ahem a dog he wanted) that we are crate training, I take her out around 11 before I go to bed and when he gets home around 2 or 3 am he wakes her up and she needs to go put again. I'm in bed in pjs (aka a big shirt and undies) asleep I wake up and ask mr fully dressed to take her out to pee,his response is in like 5 min. Ummmmm no she will pee in her crate by then she's a puppy with almost no bladder control. So I get up get dressed and take her out come back to bed and put my self to sleep plotting his death..

    I have more but this is already too long. So basically I'm asking how do you all find the balance and sanity in your households?
  • TheMomFactorTheMomFactor
    Posts: 5,092Member
    I really don't know what to say to this. My SO carries his own weight in our house. He does the laundry (mostly because the washer and dryer are at his moms house), he cleans the bathroom, he does his share of cooking and dishes. To be honest, he does more than I do. *hugs* I'm sorry your guy is being a bum. I would stop doing his laundry if it's not in the hamper. And (this will sound worse than it is!) I would let the dog tinkle in her crate if he doesn't let her out and make him clean it up. Basically show him how much you do for him. He might start appreciating you more and trying to help!
    "Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way."-The Seventh Doctor

    "One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    Oh that is a good questions.....my hubby is a procrastinator big time , fussing about finances , drive 2 hrs to a no kill shelter drop 50 bucks for a kitten , it's ok if HEwants something a 20 car ionizer but if I want something he fusses . M I have not pat answers I know reputation don't work . Make big signs , clothes in hampers , don't wake me ur dressed take out puppy ? Men have thick heads and are little boys in attitude
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    You tell him to move the fuck out like I did :D.
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 5,020Member
    Mine also refuses to do any housework and when he's not around (he travels for work) even with DS and Ddog the house stays clean. He makes huge messes, never cleans up and fusses when I don't clean up behind him.

    With the laundry I have put the pile of his dirty clothes between the sheets so he has to deal with it at bedtime. I have put all of his dirties in a garbage bag and hidden them (to which he went out and bought himself a new wardrobe, blowing our finances). Now, I just pile them on his favorite chair- the computer chair. Then I close the door to that room. Someday, he'll excavate.

    He helps sometimes now only because I told him that if I wanted to be a maid and personal asst I will quit him and go find someone that pays better. :P
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • SpringSpring
    Posts: 2,084Member
    My husband is like yours. The whole "I didn't know I threw it on the floor." What? Look around on the floor. If your clothes are on the floor, I certainly didn't put them there. I dont think he sees messes like I do. It's funny because when I'm doing everything, he's usually extra lazy and doesn't even clean his egg pan in the morning but I'm sick right now and he's been scrubbing everything down and even took over my chores. I don't understand but I'm not complaining. I'm gonna soak it up while it lasts!
    "Sometimes I question my sanity. Sometimes it replies."
  • AAA08
    Posts: 427Member
    I wish I had good advice, but my first husband was like that, and well...lol. My husband now is a neat freak, and that was part of his charm.

  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    So you ladies that say. boot him, did you honestly give him the boot because of this type of behavior or was there more to the story? I mean there has to be right? Reason for divorce: he wouldn't pick up his laundry seems ludicrous to me.
    Dh is really a great guy he just is lazy as fuck and about little things! @aaa08 and @purpleflowers

    @themomfactor and @shate98 go back and look at my thread "ever have a little job that turns into a huge one" dh doesn't give half a shit about if things are dirty(or even horribly disgusting as in the case of that thread) and I know this sounds like typical wife vs mil but I 10000000000% blame her as she is dirty and her house is gross all the time, it's what he grew up around so it's no big deal to him. Laundry could pile up to the ceiling he'd just go buy more (and before we met that is exactly what he did...it's why he has an entire dresser drawer each of under shirts underware and socks) I am by NO MEANS a neat freak but I don't want to live in a pig stye either. @the momfactor if i leave stuff to pile up to give him a chance to appreciate what i do for him, i think i would literally die before he noticed i was actively NOT doing things, or i would get so frustrated with the mess i would just clean it and be resentful over the fact that i am. But because I care more about it doesn't mean the burden should all fall on my shoulders, right?

    @gingersnap when you first posted that I tried it I swear and he saw through it, got snarky and was like I'm not a dog you aren't going to train me. And we do talk about it but I feel like he'll talk a good game but when it comes time to do it he doesn't follow through. Like last night (he was off work) 6 pm we went to dinner and had a long convo about the dirty clothes and he even said that he understood and that its not just about dirty clothes and how the same "property" applies to so many other things that he knows set me off. So basically we ended on a good note that he is going to make the effort to do more and I am going to make an effort to not take it personal when he doesnt because his intent isn't to piss me off. Ok fast forward 4 hours its 10 pm im trying to go to sleep because I have to wake up at the crack of dawn for court this am and the dog starts whining that she needs to go out to pee. I ask him to take her he says in 5 min I'm playing a game on my phone. Wtf we just talked about this?!? I get up and take her out. Fast forward again to 3:30 am same freaking thing still playing on his phone only now I'm asleep and again with the 5 min! So again I get up and take her. It's like wtf seriously I wanted to murder him right then.

    I just don't know it bugs me like a lot but on the other side I feel petty sometimes because in the grand scheme of things is laundry all that important, or in a few years am I going to remember how many times he took the dog out vs me?
  • AAA08
    Posts: 427Member
    Lol, no, I am sorry. I was more being silly, there was much more. I did feel like he disrespected me a great deal, and that was one of many ways he demonstrated it.
    On the flip side, I really did look the next time for someone who was neat because it sort of trickles down from there for me, kwim? I also can't function well in a mess...I get depressed. I couldn't handle it again, but if he had been awrsome it other ways, I might be able to live with it. I wish I knew a good way to help a man understand certain things. :(
  • LittleTalksLittleTalks
    Posts: 1,376Member
    Jesus I don't know how you haven't killed him. I would go (and have gone) completely apeshit. Df and I used to have the recurring fight about the toilet seat, I got sick of telling him facts about ecoli poisoning so I got a permanent marker and wrote on the inside of every toilet seat "PLEASE PUT DOWN". Whenever anyone would come over and ask about it if he was there I'd just be like df doesn't remember simple requests like that so I have to treat him like a child. I think it embarrassed him how stupid it made him look. I've also had my fair share of breakdowns about how I'm not his maid, I'm not his mother (he really hates that one) and I'm not willing to be in a relationship with and be expected to have sex with someone who doesn't respect me enough to realise I have to pick up the slack on shit he doesn't do, and it's not fair. Threw in a little about what kind of behaviour he wants his daughter to expect from the man she marries etc and the result.. He does more housework than I do. Maybe he's just scared of making me lose my shit like that again (I had just gotten a diagnosis of bpd so the wacky bitch thing worked).
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    @Lilbit - Why did you take the dog out? I can see why he didn't rush to let the dog out. He knew you would. 
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    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    @Gingersnap Because if she doesn't get potty trained before I go back to work in 2 weeks I'm going to be walking into a house that reeks of piss and shit and have to clean it everyday when I get home. He leaves at about noon for work everyday and gets home at around 2-3 am. i leave at 7:30 and get gome at 5. so even if he takes her out while he is the only one there if she isnt potty trained she will be makinmesses all over the house for 5 hours and i would have to clean it then.

    Basically same as the cleanliness issue I suffer the consequences he doesn't so apparently to him it equates to the shit doesn't fall in my lap I have no motivation to put any energy or effort into it?
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    Sounds like my guy though i force him to take the garbage out by putting it infront of the door. he will do housework once in a while... Im making him this weekend i dmell a funky smell i want it gone. he wants to go to a 2nd ammendment rally... nope.
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    @lilbit said

    I just don't know it bugs me like a lot but on the other side I feel
    petty sometimes because in the grand scheme of things is laundry all
    that important, or in a few years am I going to remember how many times
    he took the dog out vs me?

    I think you will end up resenting him for these simple things.  If he can't cooperate now about seemingly small things now, how is it going to be later when you two don't agree on bigger issues? Is he just going to ignore your views and do everything his way?

    I don't think you're being petty at all. In fact, based on what you've written, it seems like he's being quite disrespectful.

    I don't know all the ins and outs of how you're relationship works, and I'm not bashing him, so please don't take offense, but I feel like if if he's being like this over little things, it's not going to get any better when it comes to larger problems.

    I have issues with my dh also, over what seems like petty stuff, like picking up after himself, and helping out with daily chores.  My solution is always to tell him this "I can't work full time plus, do all the stuff that needs done around the house every night, and still have the time and energy to have sex.  So either help me out, or you're going to have to go help yourself out"

    It usually gets him in line for at least a few days. lol

    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member

    I got sick of telling him facts about ecoli poisoning so I got a permanent marker and wrote on the inside of every toilet seat "PLEASE PUT DOWN". Whenever anyone would come over and ask about it if he was there I'd just be like df doesn't remember simple requests like that so I have to treat him like a child. I think it embarrassed him how stupid it made him look.



    Honestly that isn't my style but I that may work on him.

    someone who doesn't respect me enough to realise I have to pick up the slack on shit he doesn't do, and it's not fair.



    And this I will be using this, I will be happy to give you credit for the words though if you like lol
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    katz_meow said:

    I think you will end up resenting him for these simple things.  If he can't cooperate now about seemingly small things now, how is it going to be later when you two don't agree on bigger issues? Is he just going to ignore your views and do everything his way?






    That is one of the things that I was referring to that he is actually great about. If its something big he is all about we are team and what do you think but it's just the small stuff that he kills me with.

    katz_meow said:

    I have issues with my dh also, over what seems like petty stuff, like picking up after himself, and helping out with daily chores.  My solution is always to tell him this "I can't work full time plus, do all the stuff that needs done around the house every night, and still have the time and energy to have sex.  So either help me out, or you're going to have to go help yourself out"

    It usually gets him in line for at least a few days. lol



    This would work great if I wasn't the sexual aggressor in the relationship...lol that tactic would work better if he was trying to get me to do something rather than the other way around lol
  • LittleTalksLittleTalks
    Posts: 1,376Member
    @lilbit believe me it's so not my style either, I'm totally against putting your partner down or feeling like you're superior to anyone but after so many times of "why can't you just do this one simple thing" and getting "I forgot" in return I needed something drastic. I might be kinda headstrong but a total 50/50 partnership is what I want and I told him at the beginning I'd rather be alone than be with someone I don't feel is right for me and won't treat me with the respect I treat them. He's a very awesome guy as I'm sure your husband is, but it's not fair on you that he isn't hearing what you're saying.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    I called his mom and told her that her son was stupid and said he couldn't hang things on a hanger right... then I went on strike for 3 weeks. 
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • ChibikoChibiko
    Posts: 3,329Member
    I gave up on the little things like laundry on the floor and now I just let it go. You wouldn't believe how much happier I am. So I have to pick laundry up of the floor? If that's the worse thing that happens to me in a day I'm counting that as win.

    Idk abt the pet thing. I am so not a pet person so I'm not understanding the difference 5 mins can make.
    "We all cross over to the dark side at one point. We just all have different temptations" ~MarySunshine

    "You were the truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all" ~Death Cab for Cutie
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    @lilbit, I was just kidding. I didnt kick him out for that reason alone. That just added to the list.
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • rubydoorubydoo
    Posts: 328Member
    Oh my. The rules in my house are fairly simple - if its not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. Ever. People get the point when they run out of clothes ...

    As for the dog and the crate training - if he wants to wait 5 mins before letting her out, fine, but if she makes a mess during that time?? Guess who will be cleaning it??!
    Telling the truth, and making someone cry, is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    Re the dog this if she was already potty trained I would so not care about 5 min but we are trying to break her of the habit she has that her crate is her bathroom and get her to understand you need to pee go out the doggy door so that way no one has to take her.

    I don't know, ill talk to him again when he gets home and I guess I'll try the if its not in the hamper it doesn't get washed thing or the ill do mine you do yours (which I really hate) but I may end up being like @chibiko just for my own sanity.
    What really makes me feel petty about how i feel though is that he is soooooo laid back and has that attitude to the 10th degree. I don't think I'm a saint I KNOW I do shit that irritates/pisses him off but honestly I don't really know what they are because he never fusses about them and then forgets about it. If you held a gun to my head i would say he would say that i dont care enough/ take good enough care of my car and that im an avid lover of apple products, but he would also say neither of those things effect him so he doesnt bother himself with them. other than that i honestly dont know what I do that bothers him. I wish I could just let things go like he does sometimes, even if its just a fraction of how he does.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    If your puppy is going potty in the crate, the crate may be too large. Inherently dogs will not potty in their 'caves'.
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,768Member
    Put his clothes that didn't make it into the hamper in the dogs kennel.
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    Rofl @mommyliciousx4 I like your style lol
  • organicbabyorganicbaby
    Posts: 2,020Member
    You cannot stand it now, it will kill you in 10 years so try your best to fix his behavior or adjust to it now. And let me know if you figure how to fix it, I could totally use some advice too.
    Also, he is lazy with the dog, he would be with a baby. Food for the brain.
    My brother got my point when I put his dirty cloth, unwashed weekly plates and filled astray all together on top of his bed with a note saying "clean your shit or move out. I am not mom". We used to share an apartment at University with two more guys.
    That is my one and only success story.
    A friend, a man, married and next day hired a maid. His wife and him had agreed that if he did not have to clean, she did not have to either so he could and should compensate his laziness with money. Genius, great use of a male brain.
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    The same day I posted this I sat down and made a list of all the chores and thier frequency. I then showed said list to dh and and he agreed that was an accurate depiction of the chores and so we divided them fairly & equally.

    I will let you guys know how or if this works
  • OUCHOUCH
    Posts: 2,936Member
    I hope that works for you Lilbit! I had similar issues with my husband in our earlier years but he is now much better about things. Of course I did tell him at some point that if it isn't in the laundry basket, it won't get washed. All the kids have the same rule. I don't care anymore though because he is my bitch and he does the laundry now :P
    "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." - UNK
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  • SalllyWingo
    Posts: 1,557Member
    Chibiko said:

    I gave up on the little things like laundry on the floor and now I just let it go. You wouldn't believe how much happier I am. So I have to pick laundry up of the floor? If that's the worse thing that happens to me in a day I'm counting that as a win



    I have also done this. I have chosen to 'not sweat the small stuff' It is hard at first, but worth my sanity in the end.
  • regpregp
    Posts: 1,445Member

    You tell him to move the fuck out like I did :D.



    Yep. 
    In my opinion, it's not about his laid back attitude, it's about his lack of respect for you. When he decides not to do something, he IS deciding - he is deciding to make you do it. 
    That lack of respect is huge.
    The only thing saving you from me is Jesus.
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,729Member
    i have breakdowns every once in a while about it..... "IM NOT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MAID, AND YOU WONDER WHY IM ALWAYS SUCH A FUCKING BITCH, WHO RAISED YOU? IM CALLING CINDY RIGHT NOW AND TELLNG HER TO TAKE YOU BACK AND RAISE YOUR LAZY ASS AGAIN BECAUSE SHE DIDNT DO A GOOD JOB THE FIRST TIME, I CANT CALL YOUR POOR FATHER AND BTCH AT HIM, THE GUY WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO RAISE YOU, I AM SURE YOU'D BE MUCH BETTER IF HE RAISED YOU, IM NOT A GOD DAMN MAID, OH BUT YOU CAN SIT ON YOUR ASS BECASE YOU GET PAID FOR WORKING, WHERES MY CHECK HUH? I WANT YOU TO START PAYING ME" and shit gets done for a couple of weeks and he slacks it after a while and there we go again after i get tired of it....
  • CurlyGirly
    Posts: 16Member
    Omg. My husband drives me effing insane! I am constantly picking his shit up around the apartment, I have to ask him to do stuff and he can CLEARLY see that the place needs to be cleaned up. When I get upset and don't talk to him when I'm cleaning with a scowl on my face, he asks "are you mad at me? Is there something I can help with?" Really?! You can't open your freaking eyes and see the dishes need to be done, the floor needs mopping, garbage taken out, etc etc. wtf! OR he'll get upset that I'm ignoring him, and clean the WHOLE apartment to busy himself I guess, so he can ignore me too. I always think "I should get mad more often..." Last time this happened he said "I'll try to do better" to which I said no you won't, I've heard that before. We'll see." If I ask him to do something while he's playing ps3, he makes a stupid face. I'm gonna hide that stupid ps3 cord and I hope I forget where I put the shit with my mom brain. This shit only clicks with him when I have breakdown about it. I have a 4 month old, and a 15 yr old in a 32 yr olds body. My husband is very sweet, but goddamn, this shit irritates me to no end.
  • LilukiLiluki
    Posts: 183Member
    @CurlyGirly I could have written your post almost word for word!

    I call this "boy eyes syndrome". Can't see (or find) anything when they are looking directly at it. And then they have the freaking nerve to get all offended because you don't enjoy being the only one to give a shit about the state of your home!


    “If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”
    ― George Carlin, Brain Droppings