condom wrapper
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    holy fuck balls batman, I just found a condom wrapper in DD15's room. I asked what it this, she said idk, I handed it to her and she said ooohh. I asked her if she had sex she said no, I said so you didnt use this? no, so its just here empty, how did it get here? She said she didnt know. I said well then someone else had sex in your bed? She said eww and no, and that if it was her she would have given up by now and admitted to having sex. I said I know shes a teen and will have sex and that condoms are a good thing, but im not ok with having sex in my house and lying about it. oh god oh god oh god. Obviously another talk is needed about this, but I just dont know what to say, Im at a loss here. She can deny it all she wants but uh its kinda obvious what went on here. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    ummmmmmm.....yeah, when those were found in my room at 16....... i was fucking my bf like a monkey in the zoo every day at lunch.......
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    Does she have a boyfriend? Unsupervised time at home?
    When I was around 12 my friends and I bought condoms on a dare and brought them to my house and opened and played with them. It was innocent but one had broken and my parents found it. It took a lot to convince them nothing happened. Luckily there were pictures of us goofing on with them.
    I can't imagine how freaked I would be, but at least she's being safe, and you can have a calm conversation with her about safe sex.
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    Atleast shes using them.. i wasnt and by her age i was pregnant..
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    She does have a boyfriend and yes unfortunately unsupervised time at home. I am relieved she is being safe, but that doesnt change the fact that momma's lil princess is sexually active!!!! Im melting down here. @lakegirl34
    I am me, and I am loved
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    Does she have the opportunity to be home alone with a boy? I remember some time and 14 buying them with my girlfriends, we were just curious. I would try to have an open discussion about it so she feels comfortable taking to you
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member

    Oh wow... Sorry. :(. Maybe just straightforward tell her that you know the only way a condom wrapper would turn up EMPTY in her room.., your not stupid. And then lay down the law and exactly what the consequences will be if it happens again.
    Hugs....



    yes, this is what im trying to come up with. I dont want her to think sex is evil, I just dont want it going on in my house!!! Im gonna hurt that boy when I see him again!! thats my babygirl, if he breaks her heart he is in sooooo much trouble!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    Oh shit!!!! I'm so sorry- Melt away. I'm pregnant with a girl @sunnymomma and was sexually active at 13, so this would be one of my future nightmares.
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member

    Does she have the opportunity to be home alone with a boy? I remember some time and 14 buying them with my girlfriends, we were just curious. I would try to have an open discussion about it so she feels comfortable taking to you



    Yes I work and am a single mom. She has a couple hours after school alone. The rules are no one in the house unless im home, she has broken this rule many times. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • beachmommybeachmommy
    Posts: 3,760Member
    If it were me, I would try and keep calm & praise her for using the condoms.... But remind her that there's a right time & place for sex. And any time under your roof is not the right time.
    She should be sneaking quickies in the backseat if her boyfriends car like the rest of us!
    My beach is still Sandy....
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    Im just not sure how to talk to her when all shes doing is denying it. Im not trying to cruisify the kid, I didnt yell. I stayed quite calm. Maybe to calm. Maybe I should have flipped out so it scared her into never doing that again in my house. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • babablacksheepbabablacksheep
    Posts: 172Member
    Maybe.....she was wondering what one looked like and how to use it so she opened it to just look at it????? Hopefully, fingers crossed.
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 2,108Member
    I am voting opened because she was curious. Not because it is logical. Because I am about to have my 3rd girl. I get Rapunzel more and more every day.
  • laughlinlzrlaughlinlzr
    Posts: 27Member
    Oh no! I would be falling apart! My daughter's 15, but to me she's still a little girl. But, on the other hand, her friend is being treated for Chlamydia, so condoms are good if she's going to be sexually active. I don't know what to tell you. But I am so sorry you're having to deal with this!
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    I hope she was just curious. I really do. I have to sit her down tomorrow and try this talk again. Thank you ladies!!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    Shes on BC and apparently using condoms, so something somewhere sunk in. I should be happy about that, but I just cant be right now. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    ok It was sex. oh god. The talk wasnt so smooth. I explained about STDS, teenage pregnancy and over active hormones making you do crazy shit, focus on school and a healthy relationship with BF and not sex, told her obviously I dont want her having sex that they are not old enough or mature enough and that it changes shit, if he breaks her heart i will break his face and that next time I find something like this I will call his mom, and that Im glad she is being safe and thats important at any age, asked if she had anything to say or any questions. She said this conversation is awkward, I said yeah I know for both of us, she said oh good not just me. I told her I loved her not matter what. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    I hope so too. oh god im numb. It was so awkward. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • TheMomFactorTheMomFactor
    Posts: 5,092Member
    *hugs*
    "Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way."-The Seventh Doctor

    "One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member

    I really like the notebook idea that @leopardgirle suggested!!!! Even now at 30 years old, it's much easier to communicate difficult topics by writing!

    But yes...I can't imagine having that talk with my 15 year daughter or son for that matter!!!!! AGHHH DS is only 2 but I don't want to think of my baby ever having sex!!! Hugs @sunnymomma !

  • MistressHeidiMistressHeidi
    Posts: 984Member
    I totally love @leopardgirle suggestion. The notebook is an awesome idea. My mom would have never openly discussed sex with me, I wish she had. I've tried really hard to be pen and honest with both of my girls about sex and the consequences and everything. They both know and understand that I was 17 when dd17 was born and 19 when dd16 was born.

    Its rough @sunnymomma. I remember when dd17 came home and confessed to me that she had lost her virginity. I wanted to yell and cry and I don't know what all else. It was so hard for me to remain calm and discuss birth control and consequences and stds and everything with her. And now, I know she is having sex with her bf, not in my house, in bushes for all I know, and every so often I ask her about bc and if she's being safe and everything.

    Dd16 is also sexually active and had to have the same talk with her. Awkward and rough. No easier even after having done it once already.

    No advice really, just wanted to tell you that its rough, been there, going through it. Feel for you big time. Huge huge hugs!
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @misstressheidi707 thank you so much for relating! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    huge hugs. Crazy awkwardness. I'm so glad I have boys. :(
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    Did I miss anything? Did I handle this right? DD was supposed to be a boy!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,729Member
    DAMN! i think you handled that pretty well. i remember the talk with my mom... i was 11....most awkward shit in the world... i didnt lose my virginity until i was like 17. and he was my first long time bf... and she asked me one day "so you've had sex?" and i was like "yeah' and she goes "why didnt you tell me" and i was like "thats weird mom"  and it was left at that for that day. she then grilled me about it later, but at the time i was being safe so i didnt care about the shit she told me. lol! later after i turned 18 was when i was doing the stupid stuff...
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    You did good @sunnymomma. Its better than having the talk that I had to have with Ds and his girlfriend about whether or not to get abortion. At least you know now and she knows she can come to you. >:D<
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    Thanks @marionettevie and @purpleflowers I hope she will come to me. I really do. I dont want the detials or anything, but I want her trust. I want to be able to trust her. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • babablacksheepbabablacksheep
    Posts: 172Member
    I think you handled it wonderfully! I wish my mom and dad had been more talkative with me. Instead their take was "don't have sex". I would continue to keep the lines of communication open and talk to her every now and then about everything you just talked to her about. Maybe even sit down with her bf too. It is great that you could talk to her in a calm matter even though you were freaking out on the inside.
  • Marley25Marley25
    Posts: 103Member
    Thank you for posting this. I have a 15 yr old daughter and I know we are gonna hit this soon. It is nice to see how other parents handle it. Your a great mom is don't think I would have done anything different other than I would need a straight jacket!
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,729Member
    oh yeah remember to stay calm. when my bfs mom found out we were having sex, (remember he was my first i was like his 7th...) she flipped out and sat us in the  living room and started screaming like a crazy woman.... she hated me since then, and made my life hell until i broke his heart and broke up with him. i couldnt take it anymore and the poor guy was so heart broken, but i just couldnt stand his mom anymore.
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @marley25 a straight jacket would be nice right now! and a shot!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @babablacksheep I was thinking about talking to the boy. Next time I see him Im def gonna bring it up. I just dont want to ruin the little ounce of trust I have with DD. this is gonna take some tact. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,473Member
    For what its worth I think you handled it great.  As a daughter, I know when I started having sex (I was 14) My mom was awesome. She talked to me, explained the dangers. Got me on the pill. Just knowing she wasnt mad, disappointed a bit...maybe. But not mad.  The best thing was that I could talk to her... about anything... That was huge.  Its why I think to this day I am so close to my mom. I still tell her just about everything.
    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    All good advice esp the notebook , keeping communication open is impt . And yes it is your daughter and I would get face to face w the young kid . Scare him a bit ....you dine good talking w ur daughter shake him up a bit
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 6,874Member
    Oooooh my god. Congrats to you for not drinking yourself into a coma mama. Hugs!
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @missmama5 Im cracking a beer as we speak!!! The car is parked until friday at 8am, bring on the binge drinking!!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • babablacksheepbabablacksheep
    Posts: 172Member
    I would just let both of them know you are not mad. That you just want them to be safe and be able to come talk to you about anything.
  • CynthiaGA
    Posts: 1Member
    Your little girl is growing up!  Out of all the comments, I bet the only one that sticks in your head is ummmmmmm.....yeah, when those were found in my room at 16....... i was
    fucking my bf like a monkey in the zoo every day at lunch.......I would sit down w/her & discuss the facts & maybe birth control.  Good luck to you. 
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    the facts have been discussed, shes been on BC to regulate her periods for about 1.5 years now, and apparently she has condoms covered. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    I think you did great! parents never said anything. My mom gave me a video, said watch this and left for work.
    Get her involved in something after school. Club, sport, babysitting, volunteering less time home alone, less time to get into "trouble" And look great on a college or future job application
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    she wont do any after school activities. She does go to voice lessons once a week and counseling once a week. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    @sunnymomma I tried.  Maybe she could volunteer somewhere?  The school I taught at had a group of kids that tutored other kids or if she likes animals vets and shelters are always happy to have dog walkers.  Just a thought since I don't think she would like it if you all of a sudden hired a baby sitter :)
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    she needs a job, but no one will hire a 15 yr old. Oh im putting the neighborhood on high alert to keep an eye on the house. I was thinking of putting a sign on the door something along the lines of If you dont live here dont come in unless Im home!!! or hey, psst you, dont you dare come in and fuck my precious baby girl!! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    How about a nanny cam?  I also think ADT now has a security system with a camera that you can keep tabs on who comes in out over the internet.  But, that might be a little overboard and would probably not show your daughter that you can trust her. 
  • LiquidPeppermintLiquidPeppermint
    Posts: 841Member
    Pretending to trust your daughter is out the window now.  Strictly forbidding something you can't see or prove will only encourage her to become more sneaky.   You're not going to stop her from having sex.  If she's not doing it in your house, she'll find somewhere else to do it.  I'm afraid it's just a fact of teenage life.  What's needed now is for you to keep her safe while she's doing it.  If she's using condoms, she's taking the first step.

    I think an ADT or Nanny Cam would not be going too far now.  There are liabilities to having people in your home when you're not there, and you need to explain these to your daughter.  If her boyfriend falls down your stairs or has a seizure in your house, you could lose everything.  It's an extreme and unlikely possibility, but it's the type of thing that a teenager might think twice about.  Let her know that the new camera is for the protection of your family, and tampering with it will result in her being grounded until she's 40.

    You did really well with her there in the beginning, but it may be time to be a little more serious with her about her future.
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    Thank you @liquidpeppermint I needed to hear that. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • Lulu
    Posts: 279Member

    @sunnymomma


    Frankly, it seems like the sex is besides the point. Punish her for the rules she broke...she had somebody over when she was forbidden to, and she lied about the condom wrapper when you asked her.


    Was her boyfriend a virgin? Was he clean? There are more ways for STDs to be spread than just genital-to-genital, like genital-to-mouth.


    Do you know the boyfriend's family? I wouldn't be beyond calling his parent to let them know the situation, and that YOU disapprove. His mom may not care, but you need to express that YOU have a problem with the situation. You're responsible for your daughter, but SHE is responsible for HER son. It seems likely that his mom is either always home, or wouldn't approve either considering they did it in YOUR home when you weren't home.


    Let his parents know. If his mom caught your kid having sex at her house, wouldn't you want to know?


     

  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    good point @lulu I did tell her that I would call his mother If I ever caught them here or heard about it here or suspected it happening again. His mother would care, a lot. She is punished for breaking the rules, this weekends sleep over is cancelled and extra chores have been assigned. 
    IDK if he was a virgin, didnt cross my mind to ask
    I am me, and I am loved
  • Lulu
    Posts: 279Member

    @sunnymomma you might want to make an OBGYN appointment for your daugher. You said she's on BC, but was it prescribed by her primary care or by a GYN? If she's sexually active she NEEDS to go for a pelvic exam with PAP and STD screening, especially if you don't know how long this has been going on. Because if there is a problem, the sooner it's caught, the sooner it can be treated.


    She should also be educated on the finer points of BC pills, like if she takes antibiotics if she's sick it'll make her pill not work. The GYN can do this at the appointment.


    If she wants to make adult decisions, she can learn the adult consequences like STD testing and exams.  

  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @lulu she was just seen for her Pap, the dr and I told her over and over about the proper way to take birth control, and any time she is on antibiotics I repeat the lecture. STD screening I dont know if it was done or not, I guess that would depend on what she told the DR about if she was sexually active or not. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • WabiSabiLife
    Posts: 131Member

    While I think you probably know with your gut what is going on in your house...is it possible it fell out of a girlfriends pocket or purse? My friends were almost all sexually active before me; a condom wrapper in my teenaged bedroom would (sadly, to me!) not have been mine.