Do you know what your kids are doing? *Long*
  • I thought this would be better to do anonymously, as I am a regular on the boards.  Many parents feel that they are prepared and know what their kids are doing.  But what do you really know about your kids? Especially your teenagers? I am posting this so we can all be aware. My mother swears to this day she always thought I was a good kid, she trusted me. I abused that trust over and over and she had no idea. I habitually stayed out late at night. I did things I would never think to let my kids do now.  I know that we are not super moms, I know we cant watch our children every second of every day. But paying attention to what our children are doing online is important. Knowing who their friends are, where they are going, who they are meeting up with.... These things are all common sense- yet with the information age many just think "Let me check and find out where they are by using this handy little app on my phone". We have become too comfortable relying on technology, and not enough talking to our kids.  I am NOT looking for pity as I write this, I don't want to hear "I am so sorry this happened" That is not why I wrote this. I did this to get my experience out there, to teach others that your not always as safe as you think you are. To show parents that following along on facebook and checking to see where the kids phone is at is not talking with them. Everyone thinks it will not happen to them.  

    *Trigger Alert- This is a story about rape. If you cannot handle this, then please dont read it.*


    I was just a kid.

    I was 15. I was a stupid kid. I loved getting on the computer, going to the chat rooms, and finding guys. I had low self-esteem, I wanted to be told I was pretty. Every guy I talked to said I was hot, when they received my picture. Made me feel good inside. One day, I was talking to this guy, who was in the navy. I don't remember his screen name, but I agreed to meet him. We were going to go out to his place, to party and drink. He picked me up down the street from his house. He had a red truck, a Ford F-150. He was cute, Not the cutest, but cute nevertheless. I climbed in, trying to be cute. I got lost as he was driving, which was weird. I always had good directions sense, But I still got lost. We finally pulled into some apartments. He showed me the door, He opened it for me, like a gentlemen. I was thrilled. Walking into the apartment, I remember the living room...Something out of the 70's hit me, the neon colors, tie-dyed pictures and wall hangings. Several people were in there drinking and smoking pot. No body was even close to my age. So we sat down.

    We began drinking, First they mixed me a drink, It was more alcohol then not. Then we had several shots of Jagermeister, Jack Daniel's, and Jose Cuervo. It's funny how you remember all the things that really didn't matter...They wanted me to smoke pot, and I told them I would stick to my cigarettes. It wasn't that I hadn't smoked pot before, I just hate being high. It made me sick to my stomach. The last drink was supposed to be a rum and coke, but I felt awful. I had this fear in the pit of my stomach after I drank it, (I'm not even sure if I drank the whole thing) I remember telling him to take me home, I needed to go to bed. He showed me the way to his room, half carrying me in there. He layed me on his bed then walked out of the room.

    I don't know how long he was gone. But I vaguely remember the door opening, and a guy walking in. My whole world was going crazy, my vision was slanting with the light under the door, my mind was playing tricks on me. I tried again to yell at him to take me home, but I don't think the words ever left my lips.

    I remember him yanking my jeans off of me, ripping my panties. I remember finally being able to say no, stop. and him saying "You know you want it, now shut the fuck up and take it" I continued trying to say stop, but again, the words froze on my lips. My mouth stopped working, He was grabbing at my breasts, I barely felt the pain as he twisted and pinched me. Then the door opened again.

    I remember thanking God at that point, thinking someone was going to stop this guy. I was wrong. The new guy began taking off his pants. I don't remember being turned over, so I was on my stomach. They kept yelling at me to get on my knees, but I couldn't. I couldn't use my arms or my legs, They weren't working, otherwise I would have used them to get me out of the mess I had put myself in. The guy who was raping me began raping me anally. I tried to scream, I couldn't. I opened my mouth, trying to take a deep breath, which was hard because I couldn't feel my jaw, The guy in front of me slapped me, hard. He got down in front of me, face to face. Telling me What he was going to do. "This, (He said holding up his penis) is going to go inside of your mouth. You are going to suck it. if you bite me, Then we will drop you off at your doorstep, dead." grabbing the back of my hair, he shoved himself into my mouth, I started gagging, he was using my hair to move my head back and forth. Every time the guy behind me would move, I moved as well. They kept calling me names, some of which were "little slut, whore, bitch, Little girl thought she could play with the big boys, and got burned." 

    I don't remember what happened next. I don't think I even want to. The next thing I remember, I was in the red truck again, I threw up all over his truck. He threw me out of it right then. Told me to walk the rest of the way home. I was only a few blocks. it was freezing, I had left my jacket at his house. All I had on was a T-shirt and my jeans. I remember sneaking back into my moms house, going straight to the bedroom. I cried. I cried I don't know how many tears. It all kept playing back in my head, how stupid I was, for letting that happen, for putting myself in that position. How could I have done something so stupid?! How could I let a bunch of guys take advantage of me like that? I couldn't remember what happened when I blacked out, I probably never will. I got up and took a shower, the hottest I could stand. After scrubbing my body for what seems like an eternity, until I was raw. I just stood there. 

    That is my story. I never went to the police, I never thought they would believe me. That and the fact that it was two military guys, I knew that they would never catch them, and at the time, I figured the police would say I deserved it, for being so stupid. I have never gotten over it, Even though it was almost 10 years ago. I still feel as if it was my fault, That if I hadn't gotten online, to talk to people, it would have never happened. Everyone always thinks that it can't happen to you, Always thinking your on the other side of the fence. But it can happen. You can't be on your guard twenty-four hours a day, Seven days a week, but you can learn, Knowledge is power. 

    I am grown now, in many ways more than others. I have 3 kids. My oldest being my only Daughter. I can only hope, that she will listen to my experiences, and learn from them, without having to go through them herself. I will be there to protect her, as much as I can. I know she will make mistakes, we all do. Some we regret more than others. I just hope to God, that she will never go through this.... Anything...Like this. 
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    Honey , it may help to go a rape support group , you got it out here now go and heal w some others who have walked the walk . I had a babe at 16 in the 60s , I know shame and the lonely ness of I m the only one . You are not alone we Scaries are here for you , we love you , warts and all . Please please talk this out , know all my love support and hugs go with you . You are special .
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    @youthinkyouknowme - thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it isn't easy. 
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    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    I also thank you for sharing your story. It's easy to forget how susceptible kids and teens are to predators online. That is the very reason that my kids have very limited internet access. DD8 is begging me for a FB page, and I won't give in. The internet is a big, scary place sometimes, and I don't think kids have the emotional maturity to realize how quickly things can go wrong.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    I can't post what I want to say... because I may end up posting my story....

    And I am too ashamed.
    >:D<
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    Im so sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. >:D<
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • wonderwomanx3
    Posts: 725Member
    My heart breaks for you. I know I know you didn't post for sympathy. I get that. But I can't help it. You were just a dumb kid. None of this was your fault. These guys preyed on you. They knew what they were doing. You think this was their first time? Think again. I truly hope sharing your story will help you heal. Thank you for posting. My boys (12 & 10) want a fb acct & it ain't happening. It will be a while. The internet is great but it can be a dangerous place.
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    My DS 13 wants a Facebook page but do far I still say no. He is too trusting.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • deviantqueendeviantqueen
    Posts: 337Member
    Thank you for sharing your story. It is a story like this and my own that I will someday share with my daughter. I want her to be aware of what people are capable of and she needs to know how to protect herself.
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    Thanks for sharing your story. I was very dishonest with my parents about who I was with and what I was doing. I put myself in a lot of dangerous situations, and was lucky. I don't know how I'll ever let my kids out my sight. Remember that you are not alone, and please consider getting counseling to help you heal.
  • Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. F'd up people in the world. :(
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    Wow. This is absolutely heartbreaking. It was NOT your fault, I hope you know that by now. Like someone else said, these guys knew what they were doing and they knew you were just a young, naive girl. I'm really speechless on what else to say...so >:D< I can't even begin to imagine going through something like that... :(
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member

    First, I'm so sorry for your pain. That was not your fault. You were a kid, and they were predators. Thank you for sharing your story.


    Second, DD is going to be under house arrest until she's 30. Joking. Sort of.

    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • SalllyWingo
    Posts: 1,557Member
    >:D<
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    Hugs.

    Thank you for sharing your story.
  • Thank you all for the kind words. But This IS my healing. Getting the word out, letting people know what can happen, that NO ONE is exempt.

    One word of advice, though you can take it or leave it.  A friend of mines daughter kept asking her mom for a facebook, and she kept telling her no. The daughter went behind her back at a friends house and created the facebook page, and hid it for over a YEAR!  The only reason the mom found out is because the daughter confided in me, I spoke to the mom but convinced her to not say anthing, to let her daughter come to her about it. I then convinced the daughter to come forward about it to her mom.  She did, and added her mom.  Luckily the daughter was responsible with it and only added school friends...  BUT what if she hadnt?  Think about it this way, the teenage years are ALL about rebelling. The more you say "No" The more they are going to fight, and do exactly what my friends daughter did.  I would rather my children have a facebook that I can Monitor, than them hide one from me. 

    Another thing....  Back when this happened Facebook wasnt even around.  AOL Chatrooms were. There are chatrooms all over the net, message boards- not unlike this one.  There are a million ways to talk to people online. There are tons of different social networking sites. Best advice is to put a monitor on the computer so you can see what your kids are doing- who they are talking to, what sites they are going to...etc.  

    I plan on sharing this with my daughter when she is a little older, I know we have to make our own mistakes in life, but if I can keep her from making one like this, then its worth it. I wrote the post 4 years ago hoping to help other parents and role models be aware. The line between parent and friend is a very thin one. Hopefully I can manage to be both so my daughter can both talk to me, as well as listen to me.  
  • Youthinkyouknowme
    Posts: 23Member
    *Bump* Thought I would bump this up for all the new people.
  • Matt115
    Posts: 1,334Member
    Your story is very honest. So honest its scary. I hope my daughter never has to live an experience like this. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you went through that, but same as the others have said, it wasn't your fault. >:D<
  • AceofSpades
    Posts: 1,515Member
    I'm scared shitless about social networking /media.

    When I did student teaching, all the 9th graders had facebooks that their parents monitored. Then they had secondary accounts as well using their nicknames as the name. That their parents weren't looking for or aware of because they were comfortable believing that they were already monitoring a Facebook account.
    "Tough times pass, but tough bitches last"

    "I wish I could squirrel, but alas, I cannot"
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    I am so sorry....you are so brave to share all this here, you are a survivor >:D< :x

    I am sure a lot of people would consider me naive...but yes I do trust my DD18. What I found worked for us was talking about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. No subject is off limit. When she was 6 and I was pregnant she went to every appt with me, we talked about sex, babies, she went to a "birth for siblings" class at the birthcenter--and she was my "mini doula" at her brother's birth at home (she was almost 7). She saw him born because she was going to announce whether we had a boy or girl.

    Things were brought up at appropriate ages....but she knew how I had been molested as a child. She knew her dad and I had premarital sex. That I had a winecooler at 18 (bought by my dad). When I smoked weed. When I discovered I was bisexual. When I found a girlfriend.

    We talked about everything about safety online (I am a friend on her FB acct). We talked about when she got her period and her first boyfriend. I told her to respect her mind and body and never let anyone treat her badly, ever. She told me when they were approaching "second base" and I told her I didn't think it was a good idea--she stopped.

    She learned to respect herself and dumped her boyfriend of 2 yrs because he wasn't treating her right. She took judo and knows how to physically take care of herself. How to always travel in "packs" and never leave a drink or a girlfriend alone. And to ALWAYS call us NO MATTER WHAT if something is going on, even if she's drunk or where she shouldn't be, or if a friend needs help.

    She is by no means perfect and neither is my parenting. And I keep thinking through everything I've taught her before she goes off to college.

    We have a very open relationship where nothing is taboo. If I don't have the answer then I will look it up. But there's no "embarassment" about sex or our bodies.

    I wanted to parent her (and her brother) this way because it's the opposite of how I was raised. I went behind my parents back all the time (not horribly really but enough...and yeah it could have led to very bad things). I was molested when I was 8 and never told my mom because I knew I'd get in trouble. When my bf before college abused me, I didn't tell her.

    I wanted my daughter to know that she could trust me ANYTIME and that my love was unconditional. I hope that makes a difference.
  • KittenButterFluffKittenButterFluff
    Posts: 55Member
    The beginning part of your story sounds just like me when I was younger.  I was a dumb kid too, always craving attention.  I've been in some pretty scary situations but always made it out safely somehow.  My mom was awesome too, I totally blame myself for everything that happened!  It just goes to show that we're trying to parent in a dangerous world and we should know what we're up against out there....I know you don't want to hear that I'm sorry for you, but I am.  It wasn't your fault at all honey, not one bit!!!
  • Dragonbabyx3Dragonbabyx3
    Posts: 1,467Member
    I feel that all the new members should read this. It always helps us to be more aware!!!