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DH+XBOX=hatred and resentment
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    Honestly I want to shove the f***ing Xbox controller down my DH throat.... Got the inlaws to keep the kids so we could "talk" "spend some QT".... Yea not so much! He plugged in his head phones and told me I bitch too much. At that point I hadn't even said anything but I think we should talk more and spend more time together instead of watching tv..... Did I say something wrong?
  • TottyCake
    Posts: 937Member
    No. He's acting like a fuckstick playing his xbox when he should enjoy spending time with you. That's rude and inconsiderate. My DF knows that when I get home from work the video games get turned off so he can spend time with me. The end. I don't have any advice as to what to do or a possible solution other than to sit him down and be honest. Tell him that you don't mind if he plays but you guys need to spend time together. Not with his attention elsewhere.
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    Exactly! I really don't mind him playing every now as then but ,no exaggeration, 6 HOURS A DAY??!!! I mean come on!!! I even brought up counseling to him bc there is some kind of communication barrier and I'm having trouble getting through and he says that therapists are a waste of time and money. I don't think so!! We need help bc I'm losing my mind!
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,375Member
    If he is going to act like a teenager treat him like one. Hide the xbox and/or controllers. He can have them back when he acts like an adult. My dh and I occasionally play together. Would I like to do something else, of course but he does things with me that I know he doesn't want to.
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,749Member
    I wonder how many video game consoles were the root of a divorce??

    Seriously, I hate game consoles. They are such a time suck if the player gets too wrapped up. I have to say, we didn't even have a game console until about a year ago. And it was bought for DD8. I don't mind if DH plays from time to time, but if shit ever starts being neglected because of it, then I will not hesitate to say so. I know you're probably trying to avoid conflict, but sometimes it's worth pitching a fit. Sometimes you have to make it known (loudly if necessary) that you don't like the amount of time he spends playing. If he's working, then I can imagine that 6 hours a day in front of a video game leaves little to no time for the two of you, and even if he thinks it's silly now, I sure he won't be laughing when you start to resent him for it.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 2,823Member
    I had a problem with DH playing video games. They are like an obsession- it's kind of like coming between alcohol and an alcoholic.

    I tried making him move the computer into the living room. That didn't work.

    So I basically had to spell it out for him. I'm not your college roommate and I'm not your mother. You're not married to the xbox, you're married to me. Start spending time with me or go live in your mother's basement or find yourself a different roommate.

    ^^^ That actually worked. He makes a point to not play video games all night long. And if he's really into a game, he makes a point to take a break and come hang out with me for at least an hour.

    He just didn't get that I was 'lonely' but once he got it he now works on it.
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • ChristyJChristyJ
    Posts: 883Member

    1. While he is out of the house, remove the fucker, or at least all controllers.  (For extreme cases actual breakage of a controller may be necessary),


    2. Put a big fucking sign on the TV, we need to have time together I am fucking miserable without at least a small bit of your time.


    3. If that fails, be dressed and ready when he gets home one day, walk out when he comes up the drive, get in the car and tell him he is taking you out!


    Or whatever other way you can get him to listen.  These are just a few ideas.  Be warned though, if he does follow through and does something you want to do, you will have to act in kind.  (My torture is Boy Scout Meetings, ugh).

    Imperfect and proud of it.
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 3,648Member
    My dh had this problem after we lost our first baby. He played video games all the time. I had an emotional affair. He stopped playing video games all the time.
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,709Member
    i had a bf in college who was obsessed. so i learned to play every game he had and kicked his ass in all of them. they werent fun for him and he gave up playing as much. problem was he felt emasculated then so he dumped me lol
    we got the house!!!!! i have worked so hard for 5 years to get us in a spot to buy! isnt it cute?!?!?!?
  • warriormommy3warriormommy3
    Posts: 206Member
    beat him WITH the xbox... no excuse to act that way ever 
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,242Member
    UM, ahem, I may or may not have broken the PS3 TWICE, I also may or may not have busted up a few controllers.

    While I'm not proud of doing it, and to replace them cost us money we really didn't have to spare at the time, it sure as hell got his attention.  Now when we're both home together, he usually says something like "you mind if I play for a bit?' Usually i don't mind, I have games on my phone that I play, or I'll read or something, but when I've had enough, i just tell him.  And he quits as soon as he gets to a save spot. 

    I'd just flat out tell him.  He needs to put the game away and spend time with you. 
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,122Member
    For real. I have no patience with grown ass men acting like teenage punks. Play your game, then live your life with me. I am NOT catering to video game bs. Not going to do it.
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    @katz_meow that is hilarious! Ha! @shate98 you really said that in such a great way! Hell get that! And everyone else! Great points and thanks! I really thought I was the only one married to a man-child!!!
  • AAA08
    Posts: 427Member
    My first husband was like that. I will never put up with that shit again. Ever.
    Rosamundi said:

    For real. I have no patience with grown ass men acting like teenage punks. Play your game, then live your life with me. I am NOT catering to video game bs. Not going to do it.



    ^^^^ This sums me up now, and was definitely one of the things I looked for the 2nd time around. It seems to demonstrate maturity level all around, and I have to say my current husband rocks. He used to play them when he was a teenager and in his early 20's, but has since outgrown them(he'll be 30 this year).
  • theprincessmommytheprincessmommy
    Posts: 672Member
    I agree you shouldn't have to fight the Xbox for attention. Hubby and I are both gamers so its less of an issue but we also have unplugged nights once a week...no phones, no video games, no computers, or anything we will still watch a movie as a family but it is nice.
  • JD_and_Nates_mommyJD_and_Nates_mommy
    Posts: 122Member
    We had this same problem!  We decided (ok, I decided and told him)  That he can play as many video games as he wants for as long as he wants...When I am A.) Not home or B.) sleeping.  I made it very clear that when we are together I expect him to be present and engaged in what is happening.  He occasionally has slip ups when a new game comes out or whatever and I will let it slide for a few days before I remind him of the rule.  That has really helped a lot at my house :)  Good luck on getting him to take his head out of his ass o_O
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,401Member
    You did absolutely nothing wrong.  To just respond by saying that you bitch too much is so uncaring and insensitive.  Part of me wants to say you should just throw a big rock at his crotch, but there are better and hopefully more effective things you can do first.
  • inthemomlight
    Posts: 9Member
    I think I read something once about men using video games to avoid having to talk to us.... my husband totally does it.  Try to relate what he said about "you bitching too much" to him in words that describe why that hurts you so much.  Like, for example, if you had one or both parents who made you feel unimportant as a child and your husband knows that, then you could relate it in terms like "you know when you say that I bitch too much, I'm really just trying to talk to you about our relationship because I still care.  When you say I bitch too much, it makes me feel like my parents used to make me feel when they blah blah blah." <---- just an example.  I have no idea what your situation was/is. I learned this at a marriage conference once, and it made a big difference when talking to my husband because usually when we're mad at them for something, it's magnified by feelings from our past whether it's feelings of inadequacy due to a previous bad relationship with a sig. other, our parents, our siblings, etc.
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    @AAA08 I was married b4 too to a total jackass. He didn't game, instead he liked strippers a little too much. Lol I can laugh about it now. .... @inthemoonlight good point. I come from a divorced family and always watched my parents live seperate lives but under the same roof. It was sad and I always told myself that would never be me but sure enough here I am... Sigh*
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    And on top of all that my parents never equipped us with communication skills. I'm still learning how to tell people, not just my husband, how I feel and also teach my kids that expressing your feelings is a good thing.
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