Using Timeouts for Bad Behavior
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    I am starting to use time outs to curb my DS  20 mths bad behavior,(throwing toys at people, kicking, biting, etc)  I've been putting him in a corner and I have heard that you have them stand for 1 minute for each year.  I was wondering though,when should it be restarted, like if they won't stand still or keep trying to walk out of corner or if they throw a tantrum.  My DS 20 mth will throw an all out tantrum when I put him in the corner, but will just stand there and cry when his Daddy does it, so I am feeling pretty lost here.
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  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    My DS21mos is the same way about the corner. Since I use the corner on his big brothers, he knows that it's not good, so he pitches a fit if I even look at the corner funny. However, we can't really force him to face the corner, he's just a little punk, so we've recently taken to lowering his high chair and strapping him in to put him in the corner. He's started to realize that the "tall" high chair means food...but the "short" high chair means trouble. Sure he cries and throws a total tantrum, but he's in the corner for the allotted time and he'll start to learn!
    I would also suggest possibly a "time-out" stool, something that he can use to brush his teeth or whatever, but when it's in the corner, he knows he's done something wrong.
    My SO is a complete push over. He can't handle the corner thing. So, really, it's just me.LOL
  • LittleTalksLittleTalks
    Posts: 1,376Member
    I know a lot of people don't agree with me but I don't believe in time out, I see it as telling the child their presence is unacceptable and making them so upset that they forget what they did. My daughter is 2.5 and I've never had to use it and I totally know that could change when I have more kids but I don't like it. We talk about why she shouldn't do something (yes even at that age when she didn't fully understand), if its throwing toys they get taken away and put up high, I ask if she needs to go sit by herself to calm down and sometimes she does by choice, for hitting etc I grab her hands to stop her and tell her it's unacceptable and we talk about it. I am a strict disciplinarian and have very high standards of behaviour that I expect but I don't believe in punishment.
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    I've only ever used a 'time out' as in "You're screaming and/or freaking out, you need to go to your room to calm down." As far as misbehavior, every instance is met with an according discipline. You throw your toy? The toy goes up and away. Kicking? Met with a stern No and then a redirection to something else. Biting? A tap on the cheek if caught in the act, if not, then the same as kicking. Hitting with the hands, well. My kids learned not to hit, because when I block a strike, it hurts them more than it hurts me. And then I would laugh at them, because they would try so hard, and it wouldn't get them anywhere. And then I'd probably tackle them and tickle them, or snuggle them, depending on the mood. 
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    He does have a little chair that I could use.  It was part of a 3 in one high chair set.(high chair, table, and little chair.)  Perhaps the little chair could work.  If he's pissed though, I'm concerned he'll try tipping it backwards to get out.  I know it would be a high fall, but we do have hard wood floors, so I don't know if that's a good idea.  Whenever he tantrums and throws himself down, I try to catch his head and guide him to the floor instead of just letting his head smack the floor.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • LittleTalksLittleTalks
    Posts: 1,376Member
    @leopardgirle I wouldn't judge anyone for using it at all (I try my best to not judge any parenting decisions cause each kid is so different). My vision of time out is the supernanny screaming kid throwing a fit then being forced to say sorry for something he's forgotten about! Maybe it's just the phrase I hate, "cool down time" sounds better to me :)

    @curious my dd tried to hit me last week and I moved and she whacked her hand off the table. It's so bad but I couldn't stop laughing at her even though it really hurt!
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    I usually tell him why he is getting a timeout and then when he is done, I usually explain why he got the time out, "you shouldn't throw toys at mommy(people), that could hurt her and that is why you were in time out."
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    @leopardgirlie, yeah, that's probably a good idea.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    and yeah that would freak me out too.  I am glad that she stopped though.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
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  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    I want to come
    Back to this later but toddler currently having tantrum
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    @lakegirl34, yeah mine just finished one.  I wish you luck.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    @dolphinlover26 my son turned 22 months last week and it's like a switch has turned on for the terrible 2's. He melts down over everything. Today has been exhausting, and truly the first time I'm looking forward to
    getting a break from him Monday when the work week starts. Usually I hate being away from him, but I'm worn out today. I feel guilty for thinking that way, but it's been almost non stop tantrums with some brief periods of his former sweet self. I have been using redirection, distraction and for time outs I sit him on the couch and then I sit in front of him for 1.5 minutes. I know he understands when I tell him not to do something which is why it's so frustrating. I'm so ready for his bedtime tonight!
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    @lakegirl, yeah that is about where we are.  It feels like an early bout of terrible twos.  He is still cute and sweet but then like a flash he is kicking, throwing toys, biting, hitting, etc.  I understand about wanting to get a break.  Don't feel bad, it is normal.  No one likes getting beat up, and I know I need breaks from it too.  
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 7,953Member
    We use time-ours more of a you need to calm the fuck down thing with DS2.5 More preventative measures....well for now at least. Let's see what 3, 4, and 5 bring.
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  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    Not a huge time out fan.  I try to make the punishment fit the crime.  Throw a toy at me, lose the toy.  It goes on top of the fridge for 24 hours or until I remember its up there.  Hitting, biting, kicking its not right and needs to be addressed but at that age its probably more out of frustration and lack of words than to be mean.  I would say we don't hit and redirect and try to figure out what they want.  Good luck, you need to find what works for you.

    Forgot to add, personally I feel if you take the toy that was used to hit away, that is the punishment and I wouldn't do a time out too.
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    I do time out with my kids vut they are six and they have to lay in bed no toys or books.
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • SasafrasSasafras
    Posts: 1,627Member
    I like time outs, I use them often when little miss pissy pants is in for the day. When I actually do it correctly it changes her whole attitude all day. She goes from a whiney tantrum throwing crazy child to please and thank you sweet girl I know! But it's when I make her sit there till she's calm, we talk then cuddle. If I'm in the middle of cooking are something that doesn't happen. Which happens more often than not
  • JustJulia
    Posts: 86Member
    The discussion is about time outs, they never worked for me.
    I am not saying time outs don't work, every child/family is different.

    Our youngest age 2 started throwing things at his sister, annoying more then
    hurting, eventually he was going to hurt her. I tried that's naughty,
    time outs { go to your room } all the regular stuff. Nothing worked.

    I told her next time he does it act like your in pain, cry your eyes out.
    He thew something, she acted accordingly, i grabbed his arm { not roughly }
    said look what you have done you hurt your sister, shes crying, shes sad,
    because you hurt her, How could you do that.
    You didn't mean to hurt her did you, you love your sister don't you.

    I kept going till he started crying too, { it seems mean } then i told him he better
    give her a cuddle and tell her he loves her and hes sorry and wont hurt her ever
    again. They sat there cuddling for a good few minutes her fake crying and him real
    crying.
    Broke his little heart, but problem was solved.

    As for the biting, the only thing i have ever seen work was bite them back with
    mummy watching. They learn that it hurts, then ask them it's not so much fun when
    your the one being bitten is it. Not enough to draw blood but leave a mark.

    My little sister was like a vampire, would nearly take chunks out of my back,
    drew blood every bite. One day mum said for crying out load just bite her back.
    I did, i didn't draw blood but i held on for awhile. She was nearly 4.
    Screamed her little head off, but never bit me again.



  • junglezoo
    Posts: 249Member
    When ds2 is having a moment I say "on your bum!" and I make him sit exactly where he is at the moment. He hates it bc he knows he's done something he wasn't supposed to or that he'd already been told numerous times not to. He usually cries and I wait until he has settled down and then we talk about why he is sitting on his bum. The talk ends he gets kisses and cuddles and that's it. Also usually when he is on his bum I'm right there with him so he still gets the comfort of Mommy ( which ironically is me who he wants even if I'm the one who's made him sit on his bum)
    I'm going to the zoo zoo zoo. You can come too too too....
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    Taking toys and timeouts do seem to be having some effect.  I'm trying to convince DH there is no need for swatting DS on the hand since we have found an alternative, but he seems resistant, because the hand swatting seems to have a more immediate effect, but the timeouts and taking toys have been working in the long run if that makes any sense.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    Ugh I'm feeling overwhelmed again.  The timeouts result in huge tantrums, he never listens to a damn word I say and is driving me crazy.  I love him but he is so damn hyper and does not know the meaning of sit still.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • imamess
    Posts: 27Member

    time outs worked for us but only for some thing.  Sometimes it was worth it to my daughter to still do what ever she was up to.  I find they worked more for sassy behavior or attitude.  The other thing that I've learned over the years with her is that 90% of the time she is acting out she is hungry, sleepy or something I'm doing had disrupted her schedule.  It took a long time of paying attention and using time outs or taking toys away to get it right though.  Usually just as I found something that worked things would change and we'd have to start all over.

  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 5,020Member
    we do time outs with DS2.5 and have since he turned 1. Time outs are for 20 seconds unless he's been really bad. We count them out. In the early stages I had to firmly (but gently) hold him in time out.

    It mostly works... :/
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    @Leopardgirlie, yeah you have a point.  It's just been kind of hard with winter here, because I don't drive and haven't wanted to take him outside somewhere on the bus.  Before it was cold we were doing almost daily walks to the park when I had him from Friday to Sunday, when I was off work.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • LittleTalksLittleTalks
    Posts: 1,376Member
    @dolphinlover26 I hear ya on the winter thing, it just rains here constantly, even jn the summer. There are a few things you can do inside to use up energy though. We have an inflatable ball so we clear the living room and play games with that, or we throw blocks into a basket and move it further away each time. Today we put all the couch cushions on the floor and jumped from the couch onto them. She also loves to put all the bed blankets and pillows on the floor and jump from the bed onto them. I clear a pathway so she can ride her bike in a circle around the downstairs. Even filling up the bath and dumping in a bunch of toys and bubbles tires her out, and I get to sit and read scary mommy in the bathroom! Just some suggestions. Like @imamess said, there's usually a reason behind their behaviour, if they're being bad at that age there's something causing it.
  • CalliopemarieCalliopemarie
    Posts: 3,898Member
    see if you can get him to do jumping. jacks or something$ kiddie aerobics!!!
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    @leopardgirlie, well he does have a happy healthy monsters dvd from seasame street I guess I could get up and exercise with him instead of watching him dance around  lol

    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • WinginItWinginIt
    Posts: 242Member
    Maybe I'm crazy, but I have a really good time watching Diego with my dd 20mo.  We jump over chacha coconuts, and jump like dinosaurs.  It's a good time, and I can pretend I'm working out.  We also have "Totally awesome dance parties"  which she seems to like.  

    When she loses all control, though, and does that weird melting while screaming thing kids seem to do at this age, I offer a hug, and if she doesn't want it, I tell her "You need to go hang out in your room then until you feel better."  Sometimes she chooses a hug, sometimes she chooses her room.  Sometimes (not too often) neither works.  Then I just wait and see what happens.  
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    We watched his happy healthy monster dvd together today and mommy tried some of it with him.  
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • woeismommy
    Posts: 5Member
    I could go on and on about different personalities and temperaments in children and how what works for one child might not work for the other and blah, blah, blah.

    However, if you're going to use time out, at 20 months I would opt for "sit here until I tell you to get up". If s/he sits for 5 seconds (5, 10, 15 seconds) without getting up, then that's it.  The one minute per year thing doesn't always work in the beginning especially with the strong willed.  You'll drive yourself nuts if you keep going back and forth with trying to get s/he to sit or stand in once place for 1 minute.  If you can get s/he to sit for 5 seconds, then you're in control of saying, "now you may get out of time out" or "now that you've calmed down..." whatever it is that you say.  5 seconds is a short amount of time, but in that short time, the power shifts back to you.

    Even if you can just get your child to sit, hold your hand, and you say, "I know you're upset, so we're going to sit here and count to 5 and take deep breaths so we can calm down.  When we're done and you're calm, we can go play."