Sexuality in 4yo.
  • WabiSabiLife
    Posts: 131Member

    DH and I have a debate: What is considered "normal" or "typical" behavior regarding masterbation. Our DS4 has been going at it lately. We remind him that he is welcome to go in his room if that is what he chooses to do right then, that is not living room activity. (Or maybe it is, lol) And DS is fine with it, goes to his room and has his time.

    DH thinks it is weird for a 4yo to have such awareness and to want to masterbate occasionally. I think it's pretty typical and normal exploration. We are NOT worried that he is being abused; he stays with us, his grandparents or at preschool, which is in our neighborhood and we have known them for 30+ years. (not that it isn't possible, but we have total trust in these two other places, and DS isn't exhibiting any other sexual behaviors that would be worrisome.) This is really just a debate between DH and I over when sexuality begins to make itself known.

     

    Thoughts, experience, how you dealth with it? Also, suggestions on how to gently begin the sex talks, because I think as long as you have open, age appropriate discussions, then someday when they are 16 and have their first bf/gf you will be able to talk to them more easily, and more importantly, they will want to talk to US!

  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    My 4 yr old has recently found himself again. He is constantly pulling his pants down rubbing himself. I just tell him to please go to his room so he can have privacy. He will normally pull his pants back up. But now, he does it as he is going to sleep. I had to ask him to wait until I tucked him in before he started lol. Boys!
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Some little kids just have more of a fascination with their sexual parts than others. and weiners are funny. They stick out, and when you mess with them, they stand up. And bounce. I remember my son yelling for me in the shower at that age. I ran upstairs thinking something was wrong. He rips back the shower curtain, and shows me his erection. "look, mama! It bounces!! Why does it do that?"
    i'm nekkid.
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    Oh, it's normal. My DS4 used to play with his penis during naptime at daycare. The ladies up there thought it was hilarious, but I was so embarrassed!lol My DS21mos has recently discovered his penis. He calls it a pe-is. lol
  • WabiSabiLife
    Posts: 131Member

    So, what I hear you guys saying, is that I am right? lol.

    I think a lot of this just boils down to my and DH's different upbringings: I had pretty liberal, openly affectionate parents and he has much more private parents. I don't think I have ever seen his parents even hold hands. Ironically, I think his parents like each other more than my parents like each other (they are all still married) 

  • MegsueMegsue
    Posts: 1,846Member
    Yeah...some things I never though I'd be saying to my DS3 (who will be 4 on the 26th):

    Your pee-pee doesn't belong on the table

    Stop rubbing your pee-pee on the furniture

    The cats are not interested in seeing your penis, put it away

    If you're going to play with "it" do it in the bedroom or the bathroom, not in front of me

  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    Ds7, ds5 & ds4 used silly putty to make "penises" and walked around saying "Look at my penis! I have a really big penis!" And then smacked each other with them.

    @wabisabilife, yep, you are right. It is perfectly normal.
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    @Megsue LOL Yeah, there are lots of things I never thought I'd say about a penis. "It's not a stress-rock, stop rubbing it!!" or "You are so not old enough to be playing with that!" or even better "Boys have a penis because they need to peepee different than girls...yes, that's the only reason."
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    LMAO!! Thanks, ladies! Now I know what I have to look forward to in a few short years!! My DDs will be thrilled....

    But seriously, my DD4 does it too. Relentlessly. It's normal.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    Ds5 was about 3 and would sing here cones the boy with the giant peepee every time he peed for a while. He Erroll still occasionally look down the front of his pants. Me, "what are you doing?" Him "checking to Madge sure its still there." He has been fascinated with it since he find it at about 4 months old, I thought he was going to rip that sucker off :) totally normal just tell him to do it in private
  • regpregp
    Posts: 1,445Member
    Totally normal.

    I'll add to the list of things I never thought I would say:

    "Stop watching your penis float and get out of the pool!"
    The only thing saving you from me is Jesus.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Or sticking their weenie in every toy that has a hole.....
    i'm nekkid.
  • RDunhamRDunham
    Posts: 138Member
    Lately my son has been playing in the bathtub again. I go in to wash and he has a hard on. :sigh: boys.
  • junglezoo
    Posts: 249Member
    Ah the joys of what I get to look forward to when DS2 is older. Thanks for the heads up...got a good chuckle from this thread :D
    I'm going to the zoo zoo zoo. You can come too too too....
  • CinnaCinna
    Posts: 1,841Member
    DS is 5 & doesn't normally mess with his pee pee but I have seen him laughing & playing with it in the shower twice but in a laughing manner. I know that it's the popular thing to do to tell them to do it in their room but I wasn't raised in a sexually open household & neither will my son be. I just said "boy stop playing with that & get out of the shower" If he starts doing it in a pleasuring himself way ( including in his room) then we will have a problem. I don't know personally yes I think it's weird so I'm on your DH's side.
    Two hearts! Oh baby I'm beating out a samba!
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    DS 5 is getting reacquainted with his , lol. Now that he has big boy underpants he likes to run around the house in just a shirt and underpants and rub it through the underpants. Sometimes he sticks his hands down there. My mom caught him and told him to get his hands out of his pants and go wash them ! It was time to eat. He hasn't quite got the hang of standing up and peeing. He forgets to hold it and then you have a firehose effect and pee goes EVERWHERE!
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • regpregp
    Posts: 1,445Member
    DS is 5 & doesn't normally mess with his pee pee but I have seen him laughing & playing with it in the shower twice but in a laughing manner. I know that it's the popular thing to do to tell them to do it in their room but I wasn't raised in a sexually open household & neither will my son be. I just said "boy stop playing with that & get out of the shower" If he starts doing it in a pleasuring himself way ( including in his room) then we will have a problem. I don't know personally yes I think it's weird so I'm on your DH's side.


    @goodmommy
    Why would there be a problem if he touches himself for pleasure? It's not just the "popular thing" to tell them to do it in their room...for our family, it's about having healthy communication from the start. They are going to masturbate and eventually going to have sex whether that's before marriage or after. When they get to puberty, you are going to want that communication...to help them avoid drama, diseases and pregnancy.
    The only thing saving you from me is Jesus.
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    I 100% agree with @regp

    Our human bodies are amazingly created in order to enjoy sex. It's not shameful, @goodmommy, sexuality is a gift. Your home doesn't have to be "sexually open" but perhaps allowing some grace for natural sexual expression would be beneficial? (Not being judgmental at all, just sharing my opinion).
  • Tranquil
    Posts: 616Member
    OMG Is this what I have to look forward too? Gheesh, boys and their penises.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    i agree with the other moms on the masturbation thing, but don't let them hog all the damn hot water while they are messing with their pee-pees.................they will stay in their forever!
    i'm nekkid.
  • WabiSabiLife
    Posts: 131Member
    regp said:

     When they get to puberty, you are going to want that communication...to help them avoid drama, diseases and pregnancy.



    This is the main thing I am hoping to accomplish. Although my parents were openly affectionate, there was never "The Talk" or anything. I want to make sure that my son knows he can come to me for questions and uncertainties. I have been through a lot. I have had to look up a lot. I am an older mom, so I've been there for plenty of friend's situations. I want to give him the knowledge I have so he can be healthy, and make smart choices.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member

    i agree with the other moms on the masturbation thing, but don't let them hog all the damn hot water while they are messing with their pee-pees.................they will stay in their forever!



    Yeah, my brother used to spend more time in the shower than my mom, dad, and me combined.  My mother wondered what he was doing in there one time.  I just looked at her, rolled my eyes, and asked "What do you think?"

    It's not uncommon, little girls do the same thing...I've caught my 4 yo daughter playing with herself too, I either ignore it, or let her know that it's not a public activity...mostly it's only in the tub, so I don't say too much about it.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    I don't know how I'll ever teach my son not to have his hands down his pants when my husband constantly has his down his pants when he's watching TV, reading, etx.
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    My son isn't too bad, mostly because I haven't made a big deal of it. Once or twice I've said 'don't do that just now babe we are about to have dinner' or 'hunny if you want to do that go up to your room because grannys here'
    The other day he was sitting on the sofa in jammies with 2 dummies down his jammie trousers and he was using them to play with himself. I just laughed! So did he! He told me he wanted to be on his own, so I let him.
    Its just so not a big deal. It should be a positive thing, and its also necessary for good mental health in later years.

    Btw when my son found out it was called a penis he laughed and laughed. 'Willy' is sensible. 'Penis'?! Why don't be so foolish that sounds ridiculous! Apparently...
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • jaydensmom09
    Posts: 48Member
    My son is 3. Glad to know its normal. He's not playing w it yet or anything but I'm sure he will as he gets bigger. My house wasn't a very open house. Is like to be more open w my son.
  • kcsmommykcsmommy
    Posts: 264Member
    Its normal and age appropriate for young children to masturbate and explore their genitals. 
    We just had a discussion about this in my Child Development class. We were told that its perfectly normal for young children to discover and play with themselves. It feels good to masturbate and that is why most children do it. Many children will do it to calm themselves especially at nap times (usually just rubbing themselves) and at nap-time in the lab school (College Daycare/Pre-school) we are not supposed to bring attention to or stop children from masturbating.
    I would say that at least half thats is about 8 of my two year olds masturbate/play/rub themselves at nap time.