State Demands Sperm Donor Pay Child Support to Lesbian Couple
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/148858/state_demands_sperm_donor_pay

    State Demands Sperm Donor Pay Child Support to Lesbian Couple

    Posted by Jeanne Sager on Dec 31, 2012 at 11:53 AM

    Do you know the difference between a father and a dad?

    The folks in the Department of Children and Families in Shawnee County, Kansas clearly don't. The department is going after a man who donated sperm out of the goodness of his heart to a lesbian couple. They expect the sperm donor to pay child support.

    Sure, William Marotta is biologically connected to Angela Bauer and Jennifer Schreiner's child. But can anyone really say he's the girl's dad?

    In 2009, before agreeing to donate his sperm for free to help the couple he met on Craigslist realize their dreams of becoming parents through pregnancy, Marotta signed an agreement that exempted him from any paternal rights. That means he got no access to the child.

    So Marotta wasn't a dad. Not in name, and certainly not in practice. He wasn't the guy changing diapers. He wasn't the guy making bottles. He wasn't the guy playing peek-a-boo.

    But giving up on "dadhood" in that contract was also supposed to protect Marotta from claims of paternity, including child support payments.

    The problem is, it's not Bauer and Schreiner who are looking for support. It's the state, looking to recoup losses for public assistance paid out to Schreiner. It seems that in the time since their daughter was conceived through artificial insemination and born, the couple has fallen on hard times. Schreiner, the little girl's biological mom, had to file for financial assistance from the State of Kansas.

    As a taxpayer, I want to commend them. But as a parent, I just can't. This smacks of punishing a guy for a good deed, and it turns the concept of "parenthood" on its head.

    Marotta isn't a guy who had sex with full knowledge that he "may" create a baby that he will have to support whether he's an involved father or not. Those guys still have the opportunity to grow up and decide they want to be actual dads, and their responsibility to pay child support is in their decision to put themselves at risk of becoming fathers.

    I mention it because it would be a glaring omission not to, but frankly that's a separate issue entirely.

    Here we have a guy who helped a couple out with absolutely no intention of ever being an actual dad. He gets no benefits out of this situation at all; he can't even suddenly decide he wants to play papa. So why should he be punished?

    Why should he be treated like a dad when he isn't one, when he really can't be one?

    Do you think this guy should have to pay child support here? Is he really a dad? 
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
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  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,312Member
    Nuts! Leave him alone!
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  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    I didn't comment at all since it's hard to separate text style etc. on a phone....
    But, this is ridiculous......

    This part right here:
    ***
    Marotta isn't a guy who had sex with full knowledge that he "may" create a baby that he will have to support whether he's an involved father or not. Those guys still have the opportunity to grow up and decide they want to be actual dads, and their responsibility to pay child support is in their decision to put themselves at risk of becoming fathers.
    ***

    Enough said...

    There is no way this man should be obligated to pay support.

    If a couple adopts a child & then fall on hard times... are the biological parents now sued for child support?
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    This happened in the uk recently, only the guy was a friend and had sex with the woman. They had a verbal agreement. He did it twice, they got 2 kids and then now that the youngest is 4, the lesbian couple want child support. Its ridiculous. He was devastated.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    Absolutely not. I agree with my fellow scaries above and especially like @wickeddunkiejunkie 's analogy of pursuing support from bio parents after adoption. Utter nonsense.
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  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    Wow, that's amazingly stupid. He's a donor, he offered his sperm, not his life or money. Signing the agreement waiving his rights should have taken care of this ridiculous situation. It shouldn't even be a question.
  • eappleeapple
    Posts: 1,997Member
    .
    And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Nietzsche
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    thats fucking ridiculous!!! What good is signing a legal document if its just going to be used against you later? I hope the court throws this out. 
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  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 5,020Member
    This is absolutely ridiculous. No, he's not the father. The child has two parents, this and he is not one of them!
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  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    Okay so I watch a news show called the daily buzz every morning and according to that show. The signed agreement was just that a signed paper one of the parties involved typed up. I guess because it was not done at a sperm bank the judge found it null and void. Now the parents split up and the one who has custody needed govt support The parents are not going after him for child support its the state. The parents want him left out of it totally.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    O.K., this is coming from someone who has used donors for both.  UH, that's a big NO!  How freaking ridiculous!!!
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    *imagining the terror running thru donors sacks this morning.......not to mention everyone who has donors lined up*
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,729Member
    yeah but they never go after the douche bag daddies who demand to see their kids although they come around once a year and NEVER in YEARS pay a dime to the mothers who have to do it all alone..... this is crap...and i hope that future guys who want to do good deeds like this get agreements notarized, or go through some sort of agency or something so the state cant be assholes like this.
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager
    The bio mom needs to get child support from the other mom. If they are both listed on the birth certificate. And you know what...Even if she is not. The courts have come a long way regarding same-sex couples and child support, etc. It does not say whether the other mom ever adopted the child or not....

    confessional-manager

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  • momtomany74
    Posts: 294Member

    Omg, no!

    As a mother of two donor babies this makes me a bit ill. Of course my dh is on the birth certificates but in any case, there would be no way in hell I would go after the donors if we were that hard off.

    And one of the donors has a distant kind of role in the little one's life!

  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    This particular couple (which many phone insists on changing to Chipolte) is same-sex... but, even if they weren't, had someone donated sperm... they would not be the parents.

    If a woman had donated an egg to this couple, same-sex or not... I wonder if they would be going after her for child support.
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • pennypenny
    Posts: 1,599Member
    They're pushing this because it involves a same sex couple. The end. Makes me sick.
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    There seems to be much more to this story...just not sure how the state even got his name. She must have listed it somewhere.
    http://cjonline.com/news/2012-12-30/former-partners-forever-grateful-topeka-sperm-donor
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,579Member
    Major downside is that now it is going to get harder and harder to find donors (maybe the real reason behind this law - to prevent same sex couples from having children)...

    As lesbomom pointed out laws have come a long way... and hopefully they will catch up to reality. But this is so ridiculous that it shows the need for equity for same sex couples now (including child raising/support and divorce).
    A broken heart is a rite of passage and, looking back, I must have wanted one pretty badly. "Kick me," I demanded, and when somebody finally did, I burst like a cheap piñata. - DAVID SEDARIS
  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,768Member
    In an article I read the partner not living w the kids is disabled and can't provide as well, but is still providing.
  • NoDramaMamaNoDramaMama
    Posts: 142Member
    My first concern is what @beam said. How sad that a few people could ruin the gift of sperm donation for future couples!! I think it will decline & that's such a loss.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member

    My first concern is what @beam said. How sad that a few people could ruin the gift of sperm donation for future couples!! I think it will decline & that's such a loss.



    This is why I used a bank and an anonymous donor. Judging from the selection though at this particular bank, I really don't see a shortage happening. ;)
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • catzfan
    Posts: 361Member
    Welcome to Brownbackistan, a land of his theocracy! Everyone thinks Kansas is nuts with banning evolution, Fred Phelps and now this sorry assed mess!!!

    Part of the trouble is KS law states a dr must be involved in the insemination process, which didn't happen in this case. To those who argue its because it's a same sex couple...You are spot on. If the govt truly pursued all deadbeat dads like this one (not that he is, clearly he was a sperm donor only) it would ensure payments are made but nah. We are prolife for a fetus and pull yourself up by the boostraps once born!!!!! Makes me ill......Laws may be moving forward in some states but let me tell you here in Kansas we are moving backwards to the dark ages at warp speed.
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    How did they got the information on the sperm donor? One of the moms must have given them the information else they would not be able to go after him. Since this was supposed to be a no strings attached donation his name should have never been supplied to authorities! Even if they are not the ones filing for child support I can't help but place blame on the couple. They released info about the donor! Had they not released that info the donor would not be being harrased!
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member
    could hisnamebe on a medical record?
    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • momtomany74
    Posts: 294Member

    This made the Yahoo news and the comments made me want to vomit!

    There were comments along the lines of not trusting lesbians & this being why same sex couples should not have babies but my personal fave was from some bitchgoblet that said anyone who gets a baby from a container of sperm is unfit to be a mother.

    Yes, because getting drunk and getting an unwanted child and not knowing who the baby daddy is or fucking multiple men makes you more fit of a mother cause that's the way the good lawd intended.

  • PDXcocoPDXcoco
    Posts: 675Member
    @momtomany74
    Can I just say that I love the term "bitchgoblet"!
  • Newb
    Posts: 256Member
    PDXcoco said:

    @momtomany74
    Can I just say that I love the term "bitchgoblet"!



    Ditto. And fuck that noise. Everyone that wants a child and can provide a stable and loving environment deserves to have a child. I hate how this is turning into a debate over whether or not same sex couples are fit to have children. To clarify, the debate is not here at SM, I am referring to the public domain.

    The issue is NOT same sex couples having children, the issue is forcing a sperm donor (in the literal sense) to pay for a child in a situation where he explicitly terminated his rights and made it clear his jizz was being donated to help the women conceive.

    I wish court systems around the country focused this much attention on dead beat parents instead of actual donors.
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    This is so unfortunate. All I can see this accomplishing is discouraging potential sperm donors from making donations.
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  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 831Member
    I don't think he should be sued for child support, especially if they really don't want him involved at all. 

     An easy fix would be to have the mother who is receiving the support to just give it right back to him as soon as she gets it.  No use in arguing with the state and if she genuinely does not want him involved in anyway shape or form she will gladly give it back as soon as she get's it.


    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    I don't know how it works elsewhere but it's not that simple here @zidasha

    The state went after my nieces' father for child support. They used that $$ to calculate SIL's income and also forced him to supply medical insurance to my nieces. So if the custodial/biological mom is getting child support from the donor (not calling him dad because he is NOT) then she may not qualify for the assistance she is receiving. Even if she does the amount will be less since they calculate the total income when determining benefit amounts.

    The whole thing is bullshit! He donated his sperm with the belief that he was doing a good deed and helping a couple have a baby! They need to leave him alone and go after the other parent of this child which is not him!
  • momtomany74
    Posts: 294Member
    Newb said:

    PDXcoco said:

    @momtomany74
    Can I just say that I love the term "bitchgoblet"!



    Ditto. And fuck that noise. Everyone that wants a child and can provide a stable and loving environment deserves to have a child. I hate how this is turning into a debate over whether or not same sex couples are fit to have children. To clarify, the debate is not here at SM, I am referring to the public domain.



    Haha.. Yeah, I was refering to the comments under the articles online as well, not SM.

    I spent thousands on the sperm bank concieved one child, miscarried two others, and threw a lot of $$ away on negative cycles, insem kits, etc.

    Then my friend (who is also a known donor) stepped in and I have a beautiful little almost one year old son, and he has a handsome little half brother about 25 minutes down the road. All for the cost of instead cups and gas to drive into the city.

    He's done donating now anyways, unless me and his other recipient want another baby or if he and his husband (he's a gay man) want to have a baby some day. He has a sort of 'open adoption' 'family friend' role in our lives. And even that isn't extremely common in these sort of cases.

    Like others have said, known donors (the frozen anon sperm bank donors are exempt from this sort of thing) will now be discouraged from donating :( And sometimes people like me and the other donor recipient I know reach our limit financially on the sperm banks... So. Very. Sad.