Baby Daddy issues! Help!
  • My kid's Bio-Dad is a scum bag. He was a scum bag when I met him..surprise, he still is. My kids are now 5 and 3. They barely know bio-dad. He's been in and out of their life, more out then in.
    We split up when the youngest was 4 months. While we were together there was domestic violence, and neglect from him on the oldest. Police and DCFS reports. First year after he saw them maybe 4 or 5 times, and didn't pay a dime. He causes lots of problem, and lack of support made it really hard, our relationship continued to stayed toxic. 
    Then for about 6 months he saw them almost every week, but I now have reports from people that it was an unstable environment, and the children shouldn't have been there. 
    The the last he was out of their life for 9 months straight, no contact, no child support, nothing. (there is an order for child support, but no order for visitation) 

    Then, out of the blue we get papers saying he is filing for a visitation order, and to be able to claim a kids on his taxes. 

    He got married, but he is way behind of child support when I get these papers.

    He claims that I was not allowing him to see them. And that is the only reason he hasn't been seeing them, and this lawyer told me that none of the DCFS stuff (neglect) or DV matters. That he will still get visitation. So, I started letting him see the kids, and it's been hell. It's only been two months, and it's been hell! seriously, hell.

    His wife, I tried to be nice to her, and she talks shit to me about how he doesn't have to pay his child support because her family (where they live in a small town in KY) is the police, and won't pick him up on warrants, and bash me on the internet, and get they internet stalk me, I had a fan page, and I guess he recognized the title as something I had as a email a long time ago (but seriously, only 50 liked the page and they were all strangers) I did not promote it through people I knew, because I wanted to say anonymous on it. They hunted that down, sent hateful messages, text me every time I posted anything they didn't like, threaten to press slander chargers on me (even though i never mentioned a single name, and 97% of what was posted was MEMEs) Sent their friends to post hateful mean shit, calling me a horrible mom and what not.

    He is telling me that my children are saying bad stuff about me. I'm having a hard time believing it, because I try really hard to be a good mom, but he really wants to hurt me, obviously.

    So it all worked. I'm hurt. This guy has done nothing but hurt me since I got pregnant the first time. Hurt me in all kinds of ways. His dad paid for his childsupport off, he doesn't pay rent because his wife's family lets him live there for free, he gets paid cash working for her family, and even though it's been reported to the child support office, they won't withhold for him, even though he still works there, they told the office he "got fired". He does nothing. 

    I haven't actually signed the court order yet. I don't know if I should, or if I should go to mediation and demand some kind of counseling between us, or supervised visits, or what, because it's crazy to me to think about the crap that he is doing already. I can't live like this. I have no idea how to handle this, and to just be okay, and get to live my life, and be happy, with him in it. 
    Thanks for taking time to read this. 

  • momoffiveteensmomoffiveteens
    Posts: 399Member
    If there is no order for visitation and you feel that the kids being with him is unsafe then do not allow him to have visitation. 
  • MegsueMegsue
    Posts: 1,846Member
    Don't listen to him or his bimbo's bullshit anymore. They are trying to intimidate you into getting their way. Get a lawyer tomorrow. Don't let him see the kids. And don't believe anything unless you hear it from a lawyer or a judge. He might be related to cops now, but cops aren't judges. It's irrelevant. It's just another scare tactic. Don't fall for it.
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    If he isn't paying child support he has NO RIGHT to your kids. Get a lawyer, compile everything he's saying and doing and everything he's done in the past, and fight this. HE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR KIDS!! Don't give in because you think they need to know their dad...they don't! And he can't claim your kids on his taxes without your say-so, and you CAN file a fraudulent claim against him if he tries. Do whatever it takes, but he doesn't deserve those kids, and you do not have to put up with him!!
  • silken
    Posts: 205Member
    You will regret it if you sign this agreement. You need to see a lawyer and many will not charge you for the first visit. This guy will make your life a living  hell if you do not stand up to him, now
  • NoahSaysNo
    Posts: 8Member

    DO NOT GIVE IN OR UP!!!!!!

    You are amazing and awe inspiring to put up with this as a mother!

    Now that we have this figured out- you need to document evidence. Hire a lawyer and write down everything, get affidivits from those who will write one for you and build up a strong case against the whole family.

    If he is irresponsible not to pay support- he can't be responsible enough to care for your munchkins.

    good luck!

  • SalllyWingo
    Posts: 1,557Member
    The girls are right. Don't give up, don't give in and whatever you do, DON'T sign those papers. Get a lawyer & fight.

    I've lived the first part of what you went through, and now you're living my worst nightmare. FIght for your kids. Don't let that fucker and his mouth piece win.
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member
    uhhh yeah, the dv and cps stuff matters! you need to go find a real bitch of a lawyer and stick it to his ass.
    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • BeachChairMama
    Posts: 60Member
    IRS rules state that the custodial parent who has the child more than 50% of the year gets the kid on their taxes. I called the IRS directly about this when my x tried the same thing. Federal rules trump anything a state judge might order.

    If he is connected to the local cops, then county sheriffs can enforce an arrest warrant for non-payment. Make sure you use the child support enforcement agency for your state to get the money; they will garnish his tax returns (did this too). If you are still worried about too much local favoritism, ask for a change of venue to a neighboring county. If the wife was stupid enough to put this "threat" in an e-mail or text message, even better. Lawyers love paper/ written records.

    Get a female lawyer - preferably a mom. They are bitches. Family courts in many states have pro-bono lawyers who will go in with you. Ask your lawyer to file an attorney's subpoena for any bank records, including joint accounts. Demand a statement of net worth to be filed with the court.

    Do not let him have unsupervised visits if there was a history of DV and neglect. If you let him do it, you set a precedent that will probably work against you in court.

    These are your babies. Fight hard and stay strong.
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    Fight for those sweet babies girl!!! Not at all comparing, but I've been there. I waited too late to get an attorney and after all that money and fighting he doesn't even see our daughter, She goes to his moms every other weekend. She calls my current husband daddy and her bio dad by his name. She thinks he's like a friend or something... Anyways... You can do it! It's gonna be hard and you're gonna wanna break down sometimes but it's so worth it to fight! HUGS! HUGS!
  • Thank you all so much for the encouragement! It's still an on going battle, but I'm not giving in!! And this little girl is digging herself a deeper and deeper hole! And you all were RIGHT about a MOMMY lawyer :-)
  • beteboop72
    Posts: 3Member
    I guess as I read on with what is on this board and other resources I see one thing some men can be the biggest most selfish jerks.  Here is a brief summary of my story.  About 2 1/2 years ago my husband moved back to NY because he could not find a job here in TX.  The plan was for him to temporarily work there and transfer back. So much for that idea.  We had been trying to figure out whether we were going to get back together or not but in all of this we promised that our son and my son from 1st marriage would always remain no. 1.  Well, low and behold this past spring break I had surprised him with having our 6 year come stay with him.  He was acting really odd and I kept thinking I had hurt his feelings or something.  Well, our son comes back seeming unfocused and I don't know call it mommy's intuition I kept trying to pull it out of his dad.  Well he finally developed the jewels to tell me he is dating. Mind you I had started divorce proceedings about 5 months ago and he was so set on trying to make it work.  So why I ask did he not have the bravery to tell me that he wanted to end it.  Instead he used me the last few years so that I could spend my money to take our son to see him.  I spent about 80 percent of my vacation time to include him in family activities.  The list goes on and on.  Also the idiot already introduced our 6 year old to his pathetic girlfriend and her child.  I call her pathetic because how the heck do you go out with someone for about 2 weeks and decide to have a stranger be near him.  May be I am just too protective.  Well now that he is dating he rarely calls our kid.  He had been really good about sending support money now it is almost zero.  He has become a jerk since he started dating this girl.  Our kid doesn't even want to spend time with him and he says it's my fault.  Well like I said I am mad.  I am hurt esp. with how he's become with our son.  He told me he needs to learn to get over it!  Tell me if I am crazy but how the heck is a 6 year supposed to do that?  Any thoughts or anything sure would help.

  • beteboop72
    Posts: 3Member
    Oh yeah I called a good divorce lawyer, counselor, etc.  I am getting my money back somehow.  And our son is going to have to counseling since daddy sprang that on him.  Poor kid starting acting up at school and home because of all of this. Sad you think you know someone.  I mean I have known of this man since I was in diapers literally but like they say you never really know anyone.
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    Document every text every FB every emal EVERYONE now , blessings
  • AceofSpades
    Posts: 1,515Member
    Document document document. The Facebook crap can be documented. Even if it was deleted that data is retrievable. And if there is no visitation set up you don't have to do anything.

    Her threat about the cops being family is a bullshit and a judge really won't like that. And her harassment is a civil matter. She's opening herself up to harassment charges if she keeps it up. Don't talk to her anymore. Just cuz she's the wife doesn't mean you have to communicate with her.

    Document everything! You never know what ends up being important.
    "Tough times pass, but tough bitches last"

    "I wish I could squirrel, but alas, I cannot"