DH + DD12 = Driving me MAD!!!
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    You know how preteens are. Drama, and changing ideas and attitudes as fast as they change their underwear. (Well girls anyway. Who knows if preteen boys change underwear!!) DH doesn't do well with change. Of any kind. He's one of those people that will sit and mull until he is forced by circumstance to DO something...maybe it's he doesn't want to take responsibility for anything in case it's wrong "Oh circumstance made me do it" anyway I digress. 

    So he has a frigging flock of canaries every time she alters her behavior/whatever. Or likes a new thing, like first it was plain emo. I *finally* got him to look up her fave band, and we were lol b/c looks like Alice Cooper. Now suddenly she's into screamo (which besides making my ears bleed, *I* don't want to hear it, but meh. She can.). She wants to dye her bangs black. Oh FFS. I'm not in love with the idea, but I'm going to let her. It's hair. He says, oh screamo is even more about piercings and self mutilation and weird hair (this is JUST AFTER he said "what's screamo"). 
    You know, whatever. I'm staying in touch with her (I hope), she knows she can talk to me and I won't give her any advice unless she asks. If she wants to listen to terrible music and dye her hair black it's not the end of the world. My parents were LESS than enthused about my listening to Metallica (It's Satanic!!!!!), now it's classic rock. I didn't turn out to be a "stoner" (but I still like Metallica). And she's not getting piercings and tatts!!! Not at 12!! She still lives here FFS we DO have a say, and when she moves out she can do what she wants!
    She's a straight A student and she's clever and seems together, not like to do anything terribly stupid. 
    I can hardly deal with her and her preteen "find yourself/be cool" stuff and HIM melting down every second of my life!!
  • RuralRebellionRuralRebellion
    Posts: 2,817Member
    lol I think Dads have a harder time accepting that their little girl is no longer so little and has opinions of her own.  Kudos to you for being so easy going with this phase.  TBH, if my DD at 12 y/o was all emo and wanted to dye her hair black, I don't think I'd take to kindly to it, even though I want to be a "cool" mom.  But I was not on that side of the fence growing up, and I can't stand emo kids.  So it would be out of personal preference that I would try to dissuade it lol.  Thou art much braver than I, and for that, you get a high five!

    And also hugs, hopefully DH will calm down soon and just "give up".  :P
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Most everyone's mad here. You may notice that I'm not all there myself.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    oh, for chrissakes...........................does he not remember being a kid?  she's probably going to be 9 different people before her senior year of high school (and if you are lucky, they won't be present all at the same time when she p.m.s.'s).......................he better calm down, because she is going to keep growing up and trying on identities, whether he likes it or not. tell him to fucking pace himself or he's going to have a heart attack before her 1st driving lesson.
    i'm nekkid.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    @RuralRebellion well I'm trying to be more relaxed about it because she herself isn't actually emo. It's not even her normal temperament AT ALL. She's just trying to fit in.  So I don't care really, as long as it's nothing permanent or harmful. I distinctly recall trying to fit in at that age, and I *didn't*, I "wasn't allowed" fuck all, and it was HORRIBLE.
    @undercoverbanana OMFG he's NOT going to be involved in driving lessons, FFS I want them BOTH home alive!!
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    well, he won't live to see it, if he keeps trippin' balls everytime she listens to music or wears a t-shirt he doesn't approve of.
    i'm nekkid.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    Well if he kicks the bucket at least I'll only have ONE emo teen in the house at one time!!!  =))
  • BreakOutQueenBreakOutQueen
    Posts: 457Member
    Omfg the EMO shit is maddening. And the more you fight all the transitions and the cool stuff..the more she will do what you don't want her to do. That was what I did, bc my Dad was a control freak asshat. So if i could do nothing that was ok with him, i stopped trying and did what I wanted. No good. SO Kudos to you!!!
    I am having a Hell of a time with ds 13 & ds 15. But I am glad I don't have girls..so very glad! 8-}
  • BeachChairMama
    Posts: 60Member
    DD#1's friends are all emo and they are wonderful kids. MUCH better than the preppy/cheerleader pack who are mean as hell. She wants tats and piercings but is afraid of needles so I'm safe there. I told her that her grandfather would be very unhappy if she died her hair an unnatural color - he is my ace in the hole because they adore him so her blonde hair is now red instead of black. I buy them the clip-in color extensions so they can have black or green streaks. She likes pink too much to be full-on Queen if the Dark Side - her Doc Maarten's have cabbage roses and pink silk laces and she still loves sparkly things (especially pink sparkly things).

    DD#2 is more...ecclectic. If we had enough money she'd be eccentric so she is just crazy. She says she is more "hipster with a dash of emo and a sprinkle of drag queen". But she is tall and thin so she could throw on just about anything and look good in it. She'll wear a very proper bowler hat and trench with peacock blue knee-high Doc's and sports a very vivid kelly green backpack with a mustache. Her purse "Harold" is an over-sized, life-like bullfrog; she lost him once and since her phone and iPod were in it, we filed a police report. Can you imagine sitting in a police station having your kid say "What color is it? Green. It's a frog"..."I've never heard of that brand ma'am. Can you describe it?"..."Sure - green with black spots, orange eyes, webbed feet. You know, a frog!" (Happily Harold came home safe and sound). She loves doing very elaborate eye make-up and would dye her hair every crazy color of the rainbow (as a rainbow) if she didn't have hair which soaks up color and won't let go (a "wash-out temporary" red finally grew out 10 months later); she does Irish step dancing so she can't really do much color-wise and still compete without springing for a full-head wig and those are expensive.

    Their father can't deal with it so his idea of visiting with them is to give them money and let them shop - they generally dress over the top when they see him just to hear him sigh and walk away; then they laugh. As long as their clothes are not too tight, not too short, appropriate for season/weather/activity, and have no inappropriate phrases on them (to school anyway) - they wear what they please. They do have "grandparent appropriate, mainstream" clothes as well to be respectful of their grandparents when they are with them.

    DD#3 is still a bit young yet (she's 10) but is falling in love with Forever 21 already. I sense we will be leaving Sketchers Twinkle Toes far behind us very soon but I think she is leaning toward #2's fashion sense and will be more individualistic. She has her eye on a chicken purse she has already named Betsy.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member

    @BeachChairMama OMG...I want #2's clothes!!! WHERE did you EVER find peacock blue kneehigh Docs?!?!?! I want them in purple...


    And guess what everyone, update: DD started her period, THAT explains a lot lol!!! Merry Christmas, huh?!?! DH is still not coping well. Hel-LO, do you hassle a PMSer??? NO, you DO NOT! Well it's his ass. If he wants to win a Darwin award, it's on him.

  • BeachChairMama
    Posts: 60Member
    @KrabbyKay - I got the boots at the Doc's website last Christmas. They do have purple. They are pretty amazing.

    So we went to the mall last night with DD#3, her friend and her friend's mom. We HAD to go into Forever 21 (because #3 says it is "her store") - and it took all my willpower not to purchase DD#2 a faux-ocelot fur coat. I had images of her with a black head-scarf and oversized sunglasses a la Breakfast at Tiffany's. I hope she gets Christmas money so we can go back. I think I have more fun clothes shopping for her now than when she was little and I knew she'd outgrow everything too soon.

    Shopping with #1 is a disaster. She is naturally large boobed and small-framed so she ends up busting out of all the cute little teenager clothes she wants to wear but adult clothes are a bit too sophisticated for her right now and I dont think she's really socially ready for all the attention she gets when she does. Now that she's almost 18 it's a bit better but 12 - 14 was HELL.