Motherhood Merit Badges
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager
    Inspired by a confession (Rushed DD8 to the bathroom to puke. Didn't make it to the toilet, but made the sink. Put her hair in a pony mid-gag. Not as good as the "puke in hands" merit badge, but I call it a win.and a blog post that @scarymommy wrote over the summer (that I somehow missed when my life was going to shit)....

    I want to know what badges have you earned? What others are you striving for? Are there any that you feel you should petition the board for??? 

    This one is MY favorite: 

    Have you earned this merit badge???

    I, for one, have been lucky enough never to have earned the fisherman badge for having to scoop poo out of the bathtub.

    I have been lucky enough NOT to earn this one, thank goodness.

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • sidsmommy3sidsmommy3
    Posts: 2,522Member
    I learned, when my 22 year old was small...that you should NEVER EVER do airplane with them right after you feed them.  You should especially NOT play this game while lying on your back.   Because...when a baby throws up in your face.....you remember.

    I also learned....lots of crazy things will happen while driving home in a blizzard with same child.  Small car.....terrible driving conditions....nowhere to pull over.  Did you know that projectile vomit can actually reach the dashboard from the back seat?  yeah....I didn't either.
    Mary :-)

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member

    Ugh, I have earned my fisherman badge. I will NEVER get my resourceful badge, even the *thought* of barf makes me want to barf. Oh I have cleaned up my not-fair share, but it still makes me retch and gag!!


    @sidsmommy3 LMAO! Me neither! DD could throw a pacifier hard enough to dent the dash though (it didn't really dent, just made a sound like hitting a fastball), Or shoes.

  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member

    I learned, when my 22 year old was small...that you should NEVER EVER do airplane with them right after you feed them.  You should especially NOT play this game while lying on your back.   Because...when a baby throws up in your face.....you remember.


    I also learned....lots of crazy things will happen while driving home in a blizzard with same child.  Small car.....terrible driving conditions....nowhere to pull over.  Did you know that projectile vomit can actually reach the dashboard from the back seat?  yeah....I didn't either.


    I'm sorry you got puked on while playing airplane. My husband learned this lesson the hardway too though, after my several attempts to tell him that it was a bad idea got ignored.  I'm sorry, I laughed my ass off when he got puke right in the face.  Maybe I'm a bitch, but I tried warning him..
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • sidsmommy3sidsmommy3
    Posts: 2,522Member
    @dolphinlover26.......yeah....I didn't think it out - she seemed so happy as we were playing.   :D
    Mary :-)

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager
    Here are the rest of the badges: 

    This is in our future I am sureNot yet - but someday, I am sureI've earned this one sooo many times I don't think I will ever catch upDo you have yours?Been there - got this oneIt doesn't REALLY take me 10 minutes to pee and wash my hands....I am totally in the running for earning this merit badge!

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member

    @dolphinlover26.......yeah....I didn't think it out - she seemed so happy as we were playing.   :D



    And I can totally understand that happening when you are a new parent and have no one telling you otherwise.  It's just when someone is telling you to stop, that you will get puked on, and then you get puked on, well, you're going to get laughed at.  lol
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    UGH I have all those except the park one, we haven't Disneyed yet, want DS to be tall enough to ride all the rides.
  • sidsmommy3sidsmommy3
    Posts: 2,522Member
    LOL - I was so proud of myself for cleaning up without throwing up.  LOL
    Mary :-)

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 2,814Member
    I don't what it would be called-survived a melting? Public tantrum without murder? My son went completely passive, deadweight/crying in a parking lot of a pumpkin patch/farm we went to in October. Husband went to pay for pumpkins and didn't want to lose him in the crowd. DS completely flopped down and threw the biggest tantrum in the parking lot with cars coming.
    I couldn't pick him up because he was just dead weight (33 pounds of it at 19 months). I had witnessed this spectacle with other moms, but it was my first. I stayed calm, and finally was able to grab hold of his clothes and drag/lift him out of harm's way. The bad thing about me-all I could hear was Honest Toddler's Twitter post "She can't make me use my bones" and was trying not to laugh.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member

    @Lakegirl34 RRRGHHHH This!!! With DD at the grocery! She flopped in the frozen aisle. THe "experts" claim that if you walk away from your tantrumming kid they will follow. BEEEE ESSSS!!!! I hid behind the Hostess stand (TWINKIES!!! ..sorry...) for FIFTEEN MINUTES. She looke dup once but kept having a fit. Finally I decided I didn't have time for this shit, so I went to get her. She stiff armed and legged the basket, finally I stuffed her in and buckled the strap real tight and pushed with my arms straight so she couldn't kick me.


    Another time, I was letting her push (from way below), and I needed milk. It was on sale for some ridiculous price, so it was like 10 deep at the milk case and I told her she had to get in...cue giant fit on the floor. Exasperated, I again tried stuffing her in the seat, but THIS time she not only stiff armed but locked on to the cart, I was trying to shake it loose...HOW is a little kid that strong???? I did finally get her tightly strapped and kicking. All the parents/grands were snickering, and all the younguns staring horrified. I said to one particularly slack jawed/disgusted pair "Yes yours will TOO do it, so you may want to rethink having any!!!"

  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,729Member
    if my kid had diarrhea while we were both in the shower and i just used his head rinser pitcher thing to wash it down the drain, do i get the poop in the bathtub badge? lol!!!!
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    The Crocodile Wrangler Badge for getting a diaper on a toddler who is rolling around like a crocodile in a death roll.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • just_kimjust_kim
    Posts: 559Member
    My ds-then 6 didn't want to go to school. I grabbed him by the back of the shirt (with some hair in that death grip) and DRAGGED him through 3 rooms...in front of all my coworkers. While his then 4 year old brother looked on in horror. It was a win...brother remembers it to this day and always goes to school mostly willingly. Oldest son is now 12, a freakin' linebacker and can borrow my shoes. So glad i established physical prowess when i could. Not sure what badge i got tho!
  • FoulMouthedSailorFoulMouthedSailor
    Posts: 1,908Member
    I think there needs to a master hunter badge- chasing after 2 or more kids and snatching them up, and the master herding badge- managing 3 or kids in an open area
    You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, You shine it when I'm alone. And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
    And dreaming when they're gone.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    p.m.s. badge. i am the only person in the house not scared.
    i'm nekkid.
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager

    I think there needs to a master hunter badge- chasing after 2 or more kids and snatching them up, and the master herding badge- managing 3 or kids in an open area



    @foulmouthedsailor are yours mobile already? I award you that badge :) 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • FoulMouthedSailorFoulMouthedSailor
    Posts: 1,908Member
    @Lesbomom not yet, they wiggle and roll a bit, but no creeping or walking yet. But Thanksgiving my 5 nephews gave every a run for their money
    You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, You shine it when I'm alone. And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
    And dreaming when they're gone.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    Sadly, I've gotten every one of them, though the Disneyland one was not with my own child!  
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,621Member
    Sooooo, if you gag while bare-handing tub poop, you DON'T get the fisherman's badge? That seems a little cruel! Even though that's a badge I will never earn!
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    @Willilee no, you get one. I said I would never get my Resourceful badge b/c I won't catch barf bare handed. EVER. I can't even handle the thought of it!!
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    Yeah, all except disneyland, however, I have taken him to disney on ice before, and I think that's pretty similar. Ironically christmas craft fairs are a million times worse than disneyland!
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    ^^^^^ :-& :-&  I kinda really wish I didn't read that.... SUCH a gross visual! :)
  • KacerpieKacerpie
    Posts: 1,119Member
    This is fun (that confession was mine, which makes it even more so) I say SM males the actual badges to sell. It would be an awesome addition for any baby shower gift or to put on coffee cups.
    "Please don't talk mom... It makes my brain work..."
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    @kacerpie that would be awesome! Stickers or decals we can buy! @scarymommy
    Or old school patches we can see to a sash.... Lol.
    I would totally buy the stickers and line them up on my fridge. Or school binder. Haha or jeep bumper. The other moms at preschool would ask and I would say oh I caught k's puke with my bare hands while fishing poo out of the tub.
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • KacerpieKacerpie
    Posts: 1,119Member
    I agree @beachy! I would totally rock those bumper stickers! The moms at school would be like WTF?!
    "Please don't talk mom... It makes my brain work..."
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager
    That sounds so awesome - I don't know how realistic an idea it is though - but I like it!!! I would add the resourceful badge to my car right next to my @scarymommy bumper sticker!!! 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • ScaryMommyScaryMommy
    Posts: 4,481Administrator
    Beachy said:

    @kacerpie that would be awesome! Stickers or decals we can buy! @scarymommy
    Or old school patches we can see to a sash.... Lol.
    I would totally buy the stickers and line them up on my fridge. Or school binder. Haha or jeep bumper. The other moms at preschool would ask and I would say oh I caught k's puke with my bare hands while fishing poo out of the tub.




    That would be SO MUCH FUN!!!
  • KacerpieKacerpie
    Posts: 1,119Member
    Also, I would like to see about adding one... Maybe a Cage Fighting one or an Anti Violence one for dealing with siblings that are cranky, fighting, rude and malicious to each other and resisting the over whelming urge to to let them box it out.
    "Please don't talk mom... It makes my brain work..."
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 2,108Member


    I have had similar issue, but couldn't afford a new carseat. I left that sucker out in the rain for two days.

    Oh, and we def had to throw out and buy a new carseat b/c dd1.5 at the time threw up cottage cheese and pinapple about 15mins after picking her up from biomom. It was in the buckles and on the straps so bad we didn't think it could come clean :(



    Gotten them all but the Disney badge, never been either. But did survive the Columbus Zoo...
  • BeachChairMama
    Posts: 60Member
    My dad would have won the barf badge - I evidently vomited on him as we were disembarking from a trans-atlantic flight. ALL over him. He said he never got off a plane and through customs so fast ever again.

    I'm pretty sure I have all of them. My kids are Disney maniacs so I can honestly say there has never been a melt-down in all the times we've been so I don't know if I'm eligible for that one; we went with their half-sister once and I would have killed HER willingly. Does that count? Kid only wanted to go on one ride in one park and whined incessantly if her mother didn't buy her the most expensive thing in every gift shop. We didn't end up spending much time with them.

    I didn't kill the youngest's girl scout troop when we did our "sleep-over in the museum" trip last year - it's midnight and 250 other girl scouts are sweetly going to bed while our little troop of "Ladies from Hell" were organizing a Sleeping Bag Sack Race. I dont know that any of them actually slept.

    My X-FIL is a Master Child Herder. He had 12 4 year olds marching in a line through a shopping mall AFTER a Build-A-Bear party while having them all sing "The Bear Went Over The Mountain" to the food court, where he bought them all ice cream (which they all ate nicely). And then bought them ONE piece of candy each from a fancy candy store - and there was not a tear or complaint in sight. But he sent 12 sugared up kids home to unsuspecting parents and laughed all the way home.

    I herded 5 children under 10 through an international airport almost single-handedly (my sister was there but she was limping after we took the kids for a "trail ride on the beach" and her horse stepped into a ditch, lost it's balance and fell on top of her and my niece - then 4. My child-wrangling was nothing compared to her acrobatic flip in mid-air to save the horse from falling on my niece. Kid walked away without a scratch. My sister deserves a badge for THAT).

    How about an "Survived A Road Trip with an infant without giving her to the first truck-stop waitress who said she was cute" badge? #1 cried from the Virginia border diagonally through the state of Tennessee to the Arkansas state line NON-STOP when she was 6 months old. I almost left her at a Waffle House.
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    I once traveled alone with 5 children... ages ranged from 2yrs to 14yrs with a 2 hour layover...

    They're still alive... I still shudder about that trip...
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • I finally earned the Resourceful Badge today. DS puked as we were walking to the exam room at Urgent Care...I caught it before they could get the basin to him. Didn't think twice at the time; the nurse seemed impressed, though. Now that I'm remembering it, my stomach is turning! :-&
    "There's nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time."
  • KacerpieKacerpie
    Posts: 1,119Member
    Be careful @doubletroubleplus1 my daughter gave it to me and her little sister... I've puked 2, cleans up dd7s mess (couldn't make it to the bathroom... and if there is any inkling your child will be sick do not, I repete DO NOT, Get them strawberry soda from McDonald's. That's shit sucks with 102 fever.)

    On the bright side my 8dd, got me a throw up pot, water, hair tie and paper towl while freaking out and rubbing my back so I'd be comfy while I puked..

    So now I say we need either an "I figured out karma" merit badge or "I'm mommy's favorite for tonight" badge.
    "Please don't talk mom... It makes my brain work..."
  • beachmommybeachmommy
    Posts: 3,760Member

    @beachchairmama - seriously, your stories crack me the fuck up!

    I want an "Emotional Control" badge.  DS went through a phase where he was pulling my hair, scratching and hitting me for the first 5 min every night I would get home from work.  Doctor said it was bc he was angry at me for leaving him for work.  So I earned that badge for not crying when I had to leave for work knowing it was upsetting him, and I earned it again when I came home and I let him take out all his frustrations on me without showing any pain.

    My beach is still Sandy....
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 3,812Confessional Manager
    @beachmommy you got it :)

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • BreakOutQueenBreakOutQueen
    Posts: 457Member
    I actually have earned all of them.
    :-((
    I was going to say somethingh about "Surviving Roadtrip/ Travel, didn't forget anyone and didn't kill them either"

    I have traveled from IL to VA and back three times alone with my 3 kids, starting before the youngest was 1. The last time I drove, ds was 3, and also had ds 10, and ds 12. I dragged them through three states visiting and doing stuff within 10 days of visiting the east coast, and they complained and whined and cried and stained my SUV from carpet to ceiling. The driving was absolute HELL at times. Most of the time, I cranked up Bob Marley and sang at the top of my lungs and annoyed the crap out of them. It was the BEST road trip ever. We did so many awesome things!! A 14 hour drive home turned into two nights at two hotels along the way!!! Ridiculous!!!OMFG I wanted to kill the 3 year old  almost dropped him off at a cornfield! ~X( He wouldn't stay buckled he was throwing fit after fit and cups and binkies and hitting his brothers with hard plastic toys!! But, in between, we found a cool little zoo. The animals were so free and you could feed any of them that came to you, the goats chased us out of the farm, pet a baby tiger, and WE GOT TO RIDE AN ELEPHANT!!! Dream come true8->
    Badge for surviving the trip, alone.. and I always felt like a deserved a freaking medal for trying to keep it fun, and succeeding.
    #-o
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,743Member
    There needs to be a carry a crying kid out of toysRus while looking fablous badge.
    And picking up a kid from school after the dreadful poop accident plastic wrapped around a kid badge
    Cant forget the dual diarrhea twin blow out badge. Thats like getting the bronze star in the motherhood badges.
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    teenage driver badge. sex talk badge. emergency room badge......
    i'm nekkid.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    Sex talk badge and *multiple* ER badges here! We are the ER Masters.
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 2,108Member
    Oh! I totally get an ER badge.
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    How about an Excellence In Literature badge for being able to skip several pages in the bedtime story without losing the plot line.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    ^^^ HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's awesome! 
  • FoulMouthedSailorFoulMouthedSailor
    Posts: 1,908Member
    @Deviltwinsmomma Just listening to all the twins horror stories gives me little hope of having any sanity left by the time they are 18.

    Target badge, recipient is a target on multiple occasions by pook, pee, or poop multiples times, this is the one I would have the most of, every day till recently. If it were a military ribbon they wouldn't have the proper amount of stars and colors to keep the award at the correct level.
    You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, You shine it when I'm alone. And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
    And dreaming when they're gone.
  • BeachChairMama
    Posts: 60Member
    DD#1 has been to the ER so many times I had to switch where I went. Gastro-intestinal virus as an infant which required an IV, stitches at 18 months, tried to clean the wall with bleach (after she drew on it) and got caught so she put her bleach covered thumb in her mouth, stabbed herself with a pencil by accident, touched a hot light bulb (twice), crawled up a child-made ladder of books and toys to reach a humidifier my X swore was too high for her to ever reach and got burnt then told her school nurse "Daddy made the water too hot" (thank God the nurse recognized a steam burn from a water burn!), jumped on the bed and broke her nose, she sliced her finger open trying to make an apple pie, she didn't pay attention when crossing the street and walked into.a moving car, pink eye/ear infections cropping up on vacations. I sometimes wonder how she's made it to almost 18! I carry her insurance card on me at all times. I was excited at one point when she started dating an EMT - thought I could cut down on ER co-pays. Alas, her current beau is a computer nerd.

    #2 has been for stitches, broken arm, potential broken arm (other arm), and a spider bite which required 7 doctors.to come look at before it was determined that she didn't need anti-venom.

    #3 has been for putting a bead up her nose.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    @BeachChairMama why did you have to switch? I couldn't, there was only one. Now where I live there are two but I like the one close to my house a zillion times better. DS mostly goes for the random times he wakes in the middle of the night unable to breathe, he's asthmatic. When he gets sick, it's a mess even though he does steroids and all that shit when sick. Once was for I thought he swallowed a glass ornament (the helicopter from the company where I work came, I lived so far away, cuz I called 911. He didn't get a ride in it, he was ok to ground transport. He *has* been in them, but not to fly. To sit in because they are cool.). Once for a seizure (never to be repeated).
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    ......cosigner on a lease for their first apartment.....i guess it would be the I am really not fucking happy about this but your mind is made up badge.....sniff....
    i'm nekkid.