Help me survive the teenage years...PLEASE
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    So my dd13 has turned into a mouth disrespectful brat!!! This has progressively gotten worse since she was 12. I have taken away everything she owns short of her bed and clothes. Not let her go to friends houses or have friends over. No game systems. Grounded to her room/bed (with absolutely nothing to do). I am at wits end! I have raised my children not to back talk or be disrespectful. But this child is seriously testing and pushing my very LAST button. The eye rolling shoulder shrugging shit has me on the edge! And when I do say something to her she acts stupid and says (insert whining voice here) "what did i do". Then this morning topped the cake. She has this outfit which I dont particularly care for but whatever she has to where it...the skirt isnt too short or the top to low just the top is a little snug ( i am big on them not wearing anything that shows it all) and she wore this outfit a few weeks ago i told her she needs to wear a sweater or something over the top...she comes out in it this morning and I again say something reminding her of what I had said the first time she wore it. She says "I dont see whats wrong with it" in a snotty ass voice....OMG I have raised her better then this. Sorry this is kind of long guess I just needed to rant and release some pressure on the very LAST button I have that she is pushing. What have you ladies found to be affect with snot nosed mouth arse teenagers???
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    Yep, teenagers suck! >:D<
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    I swear this child is going to drive me insane!!! lol I just dont know what else to do as punishment I have done it all!!!
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    BTDT @kta2012, my oldest was horrible!! He is just now, at 17, starting to get better. My youngest is 11 and he is starting to get the teenage attitude already too.
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • FreeToBeMee
    Posts: 660Member
    I got nothing but sympathy and a hug. There is without a doubt, nothing on the planet worse than a teenage girl. I was devastated when mine moved out - for a hot second. Of course I miss my baby but there are DEFINITELY times I am with her now and sooooooo glad she goes back to her house and i go back to mine. Once she was being particularly bitchy and mid sentence I looked at her and said "bye" and walked out of the store we were in. Felt awesome.
  • momsaidnomomsaidno
    Posts: 1,796Member
    I have a 5 yr old who sounds like ur 13yr old. I probably won't make it. Good luck though!! My oldest is only 8.

  • PurpleMommaPurpleMomma
    Posts: 1,345Member
    I'm with you, teenagers suck!  I have no advice, because it is a daily struggle in our house with a 15 yo son and 12 yo daughter who is in school with kids a year older (8 yo daughter too).  My method lately is to say "No" and when the DS keeps coming back with more arguments, I just walk away and hope that ends the discussion.  Of course, he keeps on and on.  With my 12 yo, I am just getting glimpses of what lies ahead what girls-so different!  Hugs to you and you'll make it through!
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Early teen years can totally suck. Start googling, maybe you can find some ideas to help you think out of the box. Remind her that life is a two way street. You gotta give a little to get a little. So it's in her best interest to cooperate. You can start leveling with her.
    i'm nekkid.
  • MistressHeidiMistressHeidi
    Posts: 984Member
    Totally agree. I have two teenagers. dd17 and dd15. Both of them suck. Huge hugs and tons of sympathy. If I make it through the teen years unscathed and with my sanity intact it will be a miracle.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    maybe working in bars changed my perspective, or killed my filter, one of the two.....but when my dd started wearing some revealing clothing, and wanted to know why I didn't like it, I flat out told her " if I can see your boobies, creepy old men can see your boobies, too. Do you want creepy old men checking out your goodies?" mine started dressing more modestly.
    i'm nekkid.
  • Lulu
    Posts: 279Member
    @kta2012 take the outfit away. She's only 13, it'll get worse.
  • Quietmom
    Posts: 2,986Member
    That outfit would be gone. Safe to assume you do laundry right? Oops. It's ruined. "Sorry" >:)
    Like a river and a waterfall, a strong person channels their own path...
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    lol thank you ladies!!! my 7 year old already sounds like the teenager grrrr ...@WildandFree hehehe did that today!!! thanks for the rant everyone and the reassurance that i am not alone!!!
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    I feel for you, it sounds like you've described my house to a T DD15 is hell on wheels with her mouth. She debates everything and argues for the sake of arguing. Throw the shirt out and pick your battles. Hugs momma. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • Silverlance
    Posts: 1Member
    My dd13 started her period, discovered boys and started failing her grades. I didNOT raise her to be disrespectful and rude and she keeps pushing me and I swear to God, the other day I smacked, albeit lightly across the cheek to shock her out of her rant, which it did then I told her that if she continued to keep mouthing me, I would get a belt and bend her over the bed. Now, have NEVER laid a hand on this child, EVER, but I have taken everything away, phone, hair straightner,makeup, she doesn't wear anything but eye stuff, all the cool clothes from Aeropostle and other could places, EVERYTHING, and told her she was too fucking old for me to spank but if she was gonna act like a baby, I would treat her like a baby. I also told her that i wasnt here to be cool and be her friend, i was her mom and thats it! and what do you know, she has started doing her homework and using yes ma'am and doing her stuff....I have to CONSTANTLY be on her but I remember 13 and by God, I WILL win! Lol!....stay tough momma!
  • ruseriouschild
    Posts: 47Member
    DD12 is just starting to calm down & behave herself. Consistency is key but also you have to keep them busy! My daughter has 2 after school programs she likes a lot & also for the holiday season she will be volunteering to help younger kids & wrapping gifts ect. I am very proud of her & do my best to help her. Not every day is sunshine & rainbows but i sure do appreciate her better behavior! I thought i would pass this on as it was the best advice i have gotten on my preteen so far. Hugs & yes i agree, pick your battles & by all means demonstrate the behavior you would like to see in your child.
  • adh2004
    Posts: 1Member
    My DS12 is the same way! Everything is an argument, he has become lazy as shit, and if I hear him stopping up the stairs one more time I'm going to loose my shit!!! He has always been so good and about 1 1/2 yrs ago when he started puberty he started acting like a douche. Now, at 12, 5'10" and 170 lbs, he thinks he is too mature to get disciplined. I refuse to give in and come hell or high water, I will win God damn it !! Mostly, because I am the bitch in my house and refuse to be outranked, and second, my two younger kids better not ever pull this shit!!! 
    I don't think I'm cut out to raise teenagers.... 
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    @Silverdance we have the exact same situation i raised my hand to smack her across the mouth the other day and stopped myself but it is really coming to the point that its just going to happen!! She gets great grades (made honor roll this mp) Its a huge deal and we made a huge deal out of it!!! she does everything she wants stays late after school it just doesnt seem to help as soon as she hits the door its on and popping lol!! Ty everyone for all the advice 
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    And hugs to all of you going through the same things...lol maybe if we put our heads together and stick together we CAN make it through the next couple of years!!
  • kaisee
    Posts: 2Member
    I successfully got 2 girls (now 20 and 22) through the teen years with no problems at all...no drinking, no drugs, no sneaking out, very little back-talk, good grades, etc. I thought this parenting of teens was a piece of cake.

    Then my youngest hit the teen years! She is 15 and is driving me to drink!  She has such a bad attitude and a smart mouth that I am at my wits end with her. She rolls her eyes so much that I don't think she even realizes she's doing it half the time. She constantly picks fights with her 20yr old sister...sister will walk in the door and say "hello" and gets an eye-roll and a loud sigh of disgust from dd15...no idea why. The funny thing is, dd15 is one of the most loving, caring people you'd ever want to meet (so there is hope for her!)...just don't piss her off! She's also an excellent student. She's presently a sophomore and in all honors and AP classes. She's not a fan of school so is planning on graduating a year early...which we're just fine with. I sometimes think that part of her problem is that she's too old for her age...she's always wanted to be doing the things her older sisters were allowed to do but she wasn't because she was too young. I think that is one thing that really frustrates her. I've tried taking things away from her as punishment too and it only works to a point. If anyone knows the secret to dealing with teens like her, I'd love to be let in on it!

    I always refer to her as my "Ticket to Heaven". If I can get through raising her without killing her, I'm in! :)
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    lol @kaisee i dont think the realize they look like damn bobble heads with their eyes mine does the same thing...i love the ticket to heaven!!!!

  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member

    i hate the shitty bratty phase. my daughter didn't do it, but my son did. my daughter went through her know-it-all phase during her senior year during her culinary program. with my son, i stopped doing things for him when he got an attitude. "no, i'm not going to give you a ride to your friends house. you were a total asshole to me this morning, and you hurt my feelings. if you talked to somebody else like that, do you think they would drop everything and give you a ride?"

     no, i'm not going to give you money to go to the skating rink. you gave me shit for an hour when i asked you to take out the trash. why should i give you money if you give me crap over such a simple thing?

    i'm nekkid.
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    @undercoverbanana great ideas!!! i already stopped doing her laundry she throws it in with everyone elses and when i go to wash i take it all out and put it in a seperate basket. I will be damned if i am going to wash dry and fold your clothes just to find them in wades at the bottom of your closet still f'ing clean!! 
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    Sometimes....you have to pick your battles. Rude talking is a HUGE no in our house. Be consistent. Find a logical consequence to her rude mouth (say, no phone) and stick with it.

    Now...for clothing, you may need to pick your battles. You have to face it--she is a girl and she's developing. She's 13, not 8. If she needs more appropriate underwear fine, but if the shirt fits, I'd let her alone. Teaching a girl to "cover up" can convey shame about her body image--and I know that's not what you're trying to do!! But that's the way my parents treated me and I had body issues (thinking if they want me to cover it up it must be bad).

    Hang in there--honestly I love my teenager most of the time!! I'm a little worried about my son's teen years since I have no experience in the teen boy dept!!
  • catzfan
    Posts: 361Member
    Hang in there....it's been my oberservation that teen girls can be a bit more problematic that teen boys. I was a teenager nightmare myself but it was because even though there was no reason not to trust me, my mom had to be in control of my life until I literally got married and moved out. I had a CURFEW until I was 22.....sigh
    So anyway, do pick your battles. Say yes when you can and level with them, like several others have noted here, because that's what you'd do with fellow adults. But if you do pick a battle you gotta see it through!
    Hugs to you. It does pass!!!!
  • StarsStars
    Posts: 1,145Member
    Oh Lawdy!  I swear to Gawd this is why fate did not give me the daughter I thought I wanted.  I would have killed her.  Girls can be so ...ugh!  My sons are generally ok but they have their moments but I do try to nip it in the bud when it happens.  I have no real advice just tons of support and understanding.  I feel your pain 
    apsycho

  • SecondstarSecondstar
    Posts: 2Member
    I have a 15 year old dd who is failing 3 classes and has only one friend. She is rude, lazy and disrespectful to me amd my dh. I have a job interview in another state this week and I am afraid to tell her. I don't know why she acts like this. I didn't raise her to act like this. I am at my wit's end right now. So sick of crying about it.
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    @Headacheslayer the disrespect thing is my main bitch but the outright defiance doing what she knows i told her not to is driving me nuts!!! Thank you for your ideas!! I try to be strong and follow through lol then times i just get sick of fighting.

    @Secondstar...thats the crazy part she has numerous friends and is on the Honor Roll...school is no problem its just home!! I swear she hates me and I really wish I knew why!!! Like you I have raised my 3 to respect ALL adults I just dont know why she can respect everyone but me!
  • LiquidPeppermintLiquidPeppermint
    Posts: 841Member
    Well, thank you ladies for this thread! I am about to tear my hair out with DSS15.  We've never had him during the school year, his mom has.  But this year, he's with us.  I suppose I should be grateful that he's respectful most of the time.  But this kid is trying every bit of my patience. 

    He wanted to join the wrestling team here, and we let him.  But there's a lot of time requirement for him.  He doesn't get home until 5:30 every night.  Some mornings, he has to go at 6 AM, and every Saturday he has a meet.  He was having ENOUGH trouble getting homework done when he wasn't wrestling, and now it's like pulling teeth EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. 

    He won't do anything efficiently.  He has to be asked six or seven times to do ANYTHING.  He doesn't LISTEN.  Yesterday, he was bringing in groceries and asked me where the toilet paper goes (!).  Like he doesn't know where the bathroom is.  I said, "Put the package in the main bathroom across from your room, then take two rolls into the Master bathroom." So help me, God, he did the EXACT OPPOSITE OF THIS. 

    This morning, DH got up with him.  I was still asleep, because DD2 REFUSED to go to sleep until 2 AM (I think she has an ear infection...doctor later).  She was having absolute screaming fits.  So DH let me sleep and got up to shepherd DSS through his morning routine. 

    School starts at 8 AM sharp, and if DSS doesn't leave by 7:50 (he walks--it's 2 blocks), he'll be late.  At 7:39, DH comes bursting into our room saying, "Get up!! I need help!!" all panicky-like.  So I get up, like, "WHAT?!"  thinking the house is burning down.  "I can't find Josh's shoes, he doesn't have any socks, and his wrestling shoes aren't in his bag!"  So I get up, bleary-eyed.  I point out his shoes (left EXACTLY where he took them off when he came home Saturday), his socks (rolled in his sock and underwear drawer), and the fact that his wrestling shoes probably haven't been in his bag all weekend.  All this after I was on the kid for OVER AN HOUR last night to get his stuff together for school.  I even asked him, "Do you have shirt, pants, undies, shoes, socks, workout clothes for gym AND wrestling?" Of course, he said yeah. 

    Probably the kid has lost his $60 wrestling shoes.  Great.  Because we have PLENTY of money to be spending for stuff like that.  He also never seems to know when meets are, what time they end, what his homework is (in spite of the fact that there's a website for each teacher), or when it's due.  Drives me nuts. 
  • Krisbrake
    Posts: 1Member
    The tween years are the worst . I think they get better once the hormones start to level out - that's my scientific analysis.

    But I'm still irked by my kids and the eye rolling is the worst.
    I found some ways to retaliate  - check out my advice on that:
    http://kristenbrakeman.com/2012/11/14/10-ways-to-annoy-your-teen/
  • momoffiveteensmomoffiveteens
    Posts: 399Member
    @kta2012 I feel your pain, currently ours are 20, 17, 15, 15, 12. With our 15 year ols she has tried to wear outfits like that to and this is what we do, we take the outfit and throw it away. Our kids get clothes as hand me down from others so some things we wouldn't allow them to wear make it into the house. We give them one shot like your only allowed to wear it to bed and then if they are caught wearing it to school or out of the house we throw it away. My 20 year old turned into the child from hell at 12 with a mouthy and disrespectful response to everything. There were time that I would smack her, I am not proud of it but it occurred when I was at that same point and she would mouth off again. If you need anything please feel free to PM me. 
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @Krisbrake lol that was great!! I have mastered 10, 2,5,6,7, and 8. I gotta get crackalackin on the rest! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • LPB
    Posts: 1Member
    I'm step mom to a full time daughter who is now 15. Our therapist (get one ;) ) recommended the "Love and Logic" tactic which is ok, when I remember not to get dragged into her storm of emotion and drama.... and we try and remind ourselves that the teenage brain really isn't fully developed so some things they can't control because the really can't think.
    What seems to work best is: sass/eye rolling, ignore it- don't give in, you are above that ... and to make her decide her choice/punishment, etc. An example: this weekend you can vacuum upstairs and clean your room or clean the bathroom and unload the dishes. Its your choice and you plan when to accomplish.

    Good luck. It fucking blows to be patient with them. --P
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    I'm sure there will be a lot of moms who disagree with me on this....when my son was screwing around and failing classes, i was between working vehicles....i didn't have one.....and working two jobs. I didn't even have the time to find a third job to afford summer school, much less a way to get him there. .....so I told him flat out what happens is up to him. If he failed, I was not going to get another job to pay for his summer school. And I didn't. He repeated 6th grade. And I have never had to say anything about homework or anything else School related to him since. The worst thing he has done since then is to forge my signature on school papers so that even his electives would be advanced classes. I knew if I kept paying the price for him, it would never end. let them pay for the consequences themselves.
    i'm nekkid.
  • Rawrchu
    Posts: 516Member
    My kids are 12 and 18 and it's so nice to read that others have "real" kids, too. I love how on FB everyone has perfect kids. Oh bullshit! Suck it up!

    My 18yo DD was hard from day one, but it was also her strength that has gotten her so far. Last year she was away at college, came back home this year to get some things in order, and now it's past time for her to move out again. Love her to death, but we certainly raise them to be on their own and I'll tell you, I don't know if I can survive another round of her PMS!!

    DS 12 has always been the sweet one, but he's also gotten mouthy. He's finally starting to mellow out, though. I hope it lasts. I flat out told him that I missed my sweet one. We were having a conversation one day about how rude and disrespectful he'd become and that he acts like his sister. He said he's nothing like her and I pointed out some similarities in their behavior. I then said that he was always my sweet, kind one with a huge heart and I never expected this type of behavior from him. It somehow hit home and he started trying harder to be nicer. I also do like someone above mentioned (undercoverbanana?) and started telling him no to things, pointing out that I wasn't going to do something nice for him when he was snotty to me. 

    One last thing, I've noticed that if I'm not spending enough time with him, he gets awful. This one is hard because he always wants to stay home and doesn't want to go grocery shopping or anything which leaves him home alone. Anyway, when he starts getting in those moods, I make a real effort to give him some one and one and make sure he knows how amazing he is. Of course, this is hard because the last thing I want to do is be with him when he's acting like that! LOL  It does make a huge difference, though. 

    Hang in there all moms of teens!
  • BreakOutQueenBreakOutQueen
    Posts: 457Member
    Just when I thought I was tackling some discipline and respect issues..I realize bc I am being a hardass, I ran out of options. I have tried EVERYTHING to try and make sure that DS 15 and ds, ds 6 (who is not nearly the trouble) are loved and understood but also make them behave better. Doesn't work. So then I crack down, because things need to change. I had a nervous breakdown. They forget that I am the Parent, Mom, and a person. Taken advantage of, taken for granted, physically challenged, have a lot of problems, pain and they KNOW that. But they don't step up on their own. And leave me strapped with all the crap.
    Think I got the message across slowly, bumps in the road but some progress. And now I can tell its starting to hurt their feelings, not just because of them losing privileges etc..their confused and hurt.
    Then everything starts pouring out of them. A lot of old hurt that I thought we all got through, and new.
    I can clearly see that me & d's stress and frustration (leads to anger) are rubbing off on the kids. But we are stressed because of THEM!! But our messages are not getting through the we intended, not trying to hurt my kids! I grew up resenting my father for good reasons, and it felt horrible. I don't want to do that to them. Clearly we have some family work to do. Don't get me wrong, there are things those boys have got to change, and they are good- hearted, loving and smart. I expect better on some things.
    BUT, I can't even tell you how fucking tired I am of 'family work'. I am tired of always trying trying and trying..being the Everyone doing Everything and through a few special needs issues in there for each child. I can't get it right, I feel like I failed somewhere and I just fucking give up.
  • kta2012
    Posts: 141Member
    @BreakOutQueen.....you couldnt have put it into better words this is exactly how i feel I am the one working still doing all the cooking laundry cleaning homework school obligations bills..the list goes on and on. We are stressed to the limitno money bills piling up because we have no money but yet I am the only one who worries about and tries to figure out how its going to all be taken care of. Then the oldest cant bother to put her clothes in a freaking dresser drawer or a dvd back in its case papers all over the room looks like a cyclone went through it 24/7, I suffer from a major depression disorder and am in constant physical pain but no one cares but everytime they have so much as a paper cut they expect me to drop everything and baby and care for them!!! Please know you are not alone!!
  • BreakOutQueenBreakOutQueen
    Posts: 457Member
    @kta2012 I am so here for you! I too battle severe depression. But I when I can handle things and I am a very fun laidback person. No one gets to see that anymore and it sucks. My dh is stepping up more, and its still a work in progress but he is at least supportive. It honestly has caused a me breakdown and its taking that to notice?! But for the kids its like they get it do better care more for a day or two after I lose it. That's about all.. The babying has lessened and you have to start there. I cannot tell you that things are going smooth but I am still fucking trying. See my other posts. Anyway, start with making sure that kids and hubby are aware of where you are and then back off. just do it anyway! I said to dh last night- I should leave for a month and let you all figure your shit out. The hubby at least, knows I mean it.
    My house is still a wreck. Cleaner underneath but still..I am trying to take measures for my youngest who has a severe dust mite allergy/ mold asthma. There is just Extra cleaning that Has to be done so ds 6 isn't back in the hospital bc he can't breathe! Bare minimum isn't ok I am not being a neat freak it just Is what it is.
    They get all worried about him too but if everyone could just listen, follow simple written instructions in reasonable amounts of time. Then I would leave them alone Anyway, put our foot down sooner than I did and hopefully it will get better.
  • unhappymama
    Posts: 2Member
    Is there anyone that can relate to having to throw out a son due to drug use?  Our son began his trouble at 16, after a pot arrest, a couple of short stays in a mental hospital (1 week each), and being sent to a boarding school out of state for 6 months, he returned before his 18th birthday with a new lease on life- or we thought.  All was great for 2 months, and then we began to see signs of drug use- he seems to think its crazy pot is illegal and has failed 2 out of 3 tests for his diversion.  Now, we have found that he has been doing the fake weed and huffing, but told him BEFORE he came home, NO drug use would be allowed.  If he needed help we would provide for him ( we have good insurance and good jobs), but my husband and I WILL NOT allow any illegal drugs in our home.  We allowed him to drink at home, and he has thrown that in our face that alchohol kills more than weed.  But, you can actually drink at 18 with your parents, but weed is illegal and he has already been arrested once and ticketed once for it. He is at risk for ruining his whole life.  When my husband confronted him with a roach--he blew up and said he didn't want to f--ing live with us anymore, so we packed his stuff and he has been gone about a week.  He does have a full time job  (got his Ged), and barely communicates with us.  We havent turned off his phone yet because we want to keep a means of communication with him.  He never gave us trouble until he was 16, started failing school, new friends, and drug use.  I never thought he would ever do this.  Anyone been down this road???  He did come home one night a few days ago and his dad asked him what his plans were--he got an attitude--seems so mad with us anytime we ask him anything-- and won't even tell us where he is staying.  His older brother has been through a short phase of drug experimentation, but is in college now, and doing well.  I just don't know what has gotten into him-- he is so angry with us and seems to think we are the problem.  I HATE DRUGS!!  They ruin families and pot is NOT harmless.
  • SecretLife
    Posts: 7Member
    "Hide their favorite clothes. Heck, they accuse parents of doing it every day anyway. Stash their “only good pair of jeans” under the bed. Hide their favorite black bandeau behind their curtains. Stow one track shoe in their sock drawer. (Bonus – this helps prove your point that if they kept their room tidier they could find things easier.)"
    I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.
    ~John Lennon~
  • SecretLife
    Posts: 7Member
    @Krisbrake...Oh my....I literally LOLed!!! This sounds just like my DD15. I swear she has about 6-8pr but says she has one!
    I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.
    ~John Lennon~