Mortify Your Child ~101
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I know I'm not the only mom out there who goes outta her way to embarrass the ever loving shit outta her crotch fruit...... please share!!!!! I'll start.....

    Being a skids taxi gets boring, so I spice that shit up. You guys already know I'm "that" mom who will sing a song, windows down, top of mah lungs (I swear, did not know it was bieber).......BUUUUUT..... bet you didn't think I bust a freakin move at a stop light!!!! Latest debauchery, that Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and David Guelletta (howeveritsfuckinspelled) song "I Can Only Imagine".......look it up if its not ringing a bell. Picture me, stop light.....jazz hands "I caaaan only imaaaagine, oonnnnnly imaaaagine whattid be liike, beeee liiiiike" then BAMM.....funky beat at which time I begin the BESTFUCKINEVER dance moves!!!!! We are talkin cabbage patch, the sprinkler, titty bop.....you name it......in full view of everyone else stopped. Yep, kianna is usually begging me to stop while pleading for help/cowaring in her seat. IFUCKINGLOVEBEINGAMOM!!!!!!!!!
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 6,874Member
    Hahaha mine isn't old enough to be embarrassed yet, he thinks everything I do is awesome still. I even went to school in fucking jailbait braids and he was like "mommy you look so pretty". I can't wait until he's a teen!
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    Ahhahahahjaha I so sang along with Rumor has it !!! And DS 12 was soooo :\">
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    Im right there with you @SchweddyBalls DD hates being in the car with me! Esp when her friends are too! Last night while she had several friends over (boys) I may have mentioned something about buying her more pull ups so she wont wet the bed again......or poop her pants. They believed me lmao and she just glared at me then flipped me shit right back!! It was great
    I am me, and I am loved
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    bohemian Rhaspody is the best to rock out to in the car with teens! 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    @sunnymomma I saw something on fb about a chic rocking out to Bohemian Rap City! Lmao! I almost died!
    Is it like a mix of bohemian rhapsody and rack city?
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 6,874Member
    @sunnymomma ha! Dh and I will both go to town when that comes on, Conor thinks its funny now.
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    @Beachy  ????? is that a thing or just a bad spelling mistake/ lyrical error??? either way thats funny! 

    Oh and I also forgot Santa brought us a karoke machine for christmas a couple years ago. With a best of the 90's rap cd and 70's and 80's. DD gets mortified when I do my song and dance to i will survive.....with the shades open and windows, in the summer, hehhehehe
    I am me, and I am loved
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    No she's just dumb, young and ignorant. She said "this song came on called bohemian rap city and everyone started singing!
    Why do they all know this song, I've never heard it before, kinda cool though."
    Lollololol , I just cracked up reading that!
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Who me??? Bahahaha that's the reason I had kids!!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,171Member
    hahahahaha @Beachy kinda make me feel old though. 
    I am me, and I am loved
  • CinnaCinna
    Posts: 1,841Member
    Omg @schweddyballs your the best mom ever
    Two hearts! Oh baby I'm beating out a samba!
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    Well my children are young enough to still find my singing at the top of my lungs and dancing in my seat hilarious! My husband on the other hand? Not so much. Lol
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    Just telling my kids I posted about them on FB or Scary Mommy is enough to get the "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" freakout from them LOL
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,621Member
    SCHWEDDYBETCH I FUCKIN LUV YU. OH THE JOY OF HAVING CHILDREN!
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    Yep, my kids still think it's hilarious and every kind of awesome when I bust out my goofy dancing and singing in the car, or anywhere. I can't wait til they get embarrassed about it. I am going to OWN that moment!!
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I'm on a roll today betches!!!!!! Just left Milkdud speachless with my awesome innapropiateness!!!!! His lil gf is a foriegn exchange student from Belgium. Just caught him slipping her some tongue.......told him it was all good as long as he skipped that "belgian dessert"..... he googled, then screamed like a girl......bwwwaaahahahahahaaaaaa
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    Belgian dessert? I will not google...

    But I adore you and your crazy antics, Schweddyballs. I really do. You give me ideas to use later :)

    community-manager


  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    @schweddyballs would that be the same as a "waffle bowl"? If so it's not that bad @sammie
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    @LLB.....exact same thing......I think it was "me" knowing that is what freaked him out. Ummmmmm, helllloooo.......I've had fivefuckingkids.......that means I've done "it" a few times there, bud!!!!! :>
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    @schweddyballs Don't you know moms do NOT have sex! Me and my brothers were all immaculate conceptions! ;-)
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    @SchweddyBalls, could you post some video of all of this?   Major LMAO!
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I just might have to do that @episcopal! !!! That will FOREVER haunt kianna!!!!!
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    Urban Dictionary doesn't specifically list "Belgian Dessert," but they redirect you to "Belgian Waffle."  LMFAO and almost choked!!!  Will kiddo plan revenge?
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I'm sure she will be the ONE picking my nursing home!!!! Course, she was the one who sacrificed a poster of "biebs" to mess with me.......I may have passed a gene or two on to her..... :-SS
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • CherryfriesCherryfries
    Posts: 192Member
    A friend of mine sent me a picture of my DD a few weeks ago from when she was 3 years old. She had these adorable chubby cheeks and a cute bunny ear headband on. I told her it was going on Facebook and she went so red and begged me not to do it. Of course I did it! I LOVE this picture! I LOVE those cute chubby cheeks that I just want to pinch!!!
  • Ashdawn684Ashdawn684
    Posts: 979Member
    @schweddyballs you are so fucking awesome
    ~Live life to the fullest, or die trying~
  • coda
    Posts: 18Member
    I so wish I didn't go look that up on urban dictionary LOL of course I couldn't stop at just one definition and spend the last hour learning things I wish I never knew  @-)
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    BWAHAHAHAHA I got my daughter today.....

    So my son now has a "girlfriend" (he's 10, so you know this is not really a big thing though it's a big deal to him--he's on cloud 9 it's so precious).

    So my daughter says, again, "really mom I thought you'd be freaked out because both of your children are in relationships".

    I asked her why would I freak out? I think it's sweet. They're happy, that makes me happy.

    DD: Well I dunno, I guess I thought you'd be all "OMG I'm so so old"
    I looked at her over the rim of my reading glasses and said
    "OH please, I sext your dad"

    She LEAPS off my bed shouting "OH MY GOD!!!!" and ran down away from the bedroom babbling something...all while I"m laughing my fucking ass off.

    YESSSSSS score one for mom ;)
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    @Schweddyballs you are my motherfuckin' HERO. I just screamed with laughter out loud at your son's reaction BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  =))

    We should totally get together and mortify our children together ;)
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    @TheHeadacheSlayer *knuckefuckingbump* lmao, "i sext your dad" LOVE IT!!'!!
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    @Schweddyballs I knew you'd like that ;) I think you and I would have an awesome time...mortifying our kids would just be the cherry on top LOL xoxo LOVE YOU GIRL!
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    This one probably takes the cake:

    A few years ago while in the bathroom, I came across one of  DD's magazines for, I think, late grade-school aged girls.  One of the articles highlighted on the front page had a title something like, "Most Embarrassing Things Parents Have Done to Their Children."

    I couldn't resist taking a look.  The #1 spot went to some mom who threw her daughter a "First Period Party."  The accompanying photo showed the mom and a group of her friends and some girls the mom's daughter's age holding the party out on the front porch.  Someone had gotten a Japanese flag and placed it in the porch's flag holder so that it could be prominently displayed.  Needless to say, the girl for whom the party was thrown was mortified beyond belief.

    I have been known to give my DD grief, or threaten to.  But I showed her the article and said, "Honey, I know that I kid you sometimes in a way that makes you cringe, but what I do doesn't come even remotely close to what this woman had done."  DD read the story and agreed.  She also was almost as mortified as the girl in the story.
  • GirlsOnly
    Posts: 142Member
    Slow clap, @TheHeadacheslayer. Slow clap. That was so awesome!


    =D> ^:)^ ^:)^ =D>
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I have the JVC all cleared and charged..........I'm thinking I can catch this on Saturday........Milkdud is in on it and prepared to roll tape.......muuuuaaahahahahaha >:)
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • jetty
    Posts: 51Member
    My son doesn't get embarrassed by that stuff yet, but when he does....oh look out kiddo! LOL.
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    The club music gawds have smiled down upon me.......
    Timbaland's "Hands in the air"........ left Kianna twitching and Jeff swearing on his grandma's grave to never let me pick the station again. My work here is done.....almost
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    Hahaha! I love this thread! My kids aren't old enough to embarrass...........YET
    Muahhahaha
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • GoddessGoddess
    Posts: 2,637Member
    Where's the vid?!
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I know, I know...........I need to get this shit on vid........
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • HorridWenchHorridWench
    Posts: 702Member
    My mother read a book when I was 10 years old that said that we need to celebrate our womanhood... so I am a girl that had a Period Party
    "She Dances in a Ring of Fire and Throws Off the Challenge, With a Shrug" - Jim Morrison
  • SalllyWingo
    Posts: 1,557Member
    Driving thru town, rocking out to Thriller!!!!!!! lmfao She. Was. MORTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • HorridWenchHorridWench
    Posts: 702Member
    15 Women, showed up with a BIG. ROUND.RED. PERIOD.CAKE. I was 11.. to this day I won't eat red velvet cake :-&
    "She Dances in a Ring of Fire and Throws Off the Challenge, With a Shrug" - Jim Morrison
  • rockmomrockmom
    Posts: 332Member
    Bahaha! I can't wait to mortify my child, but I've got several more years to wait.
    My niece, on the other hand, is just the right age (14) and our entite family gives her shit. For instance: we play this goofy gift game on christmas where everyone brings a gag gift...my mother made sure she wound up with a pear suncatcher...and the pears looked EXACTLY like a ballsack. :D
    My sisters and I loudly discuss lube and handcuffs around her.
    At my grandma's house, when no one was paying attention, I offered her some candy and proceeded to pour penis-shaped sweet tarts into her hand.

    And, sadly I got shut down on this one, but I tried to wrap the gift card I got her for christmas inside a condom box, inside an empty cigarette carton. That one would have been priceless.

    She will be traumatized for life, for sure...but she should have known she had it coming after coming home from school talking about how graphic her sex ed was (birth video and all!). If they taught it to her, I think it's fair game to keep it in her head forever. >:)
    tripp175a