I Want 3, He Wants 2
  • SuperSarahGeeSuperSarahGee
    Posts: 62Member
    I know there are websites with URLS like having3kids.com etc, but I'm hoping to get some feedback from other moms more directly.  So we have two beautiful boys, one who is 3 and one who is 9 months.  The whole time I was pregnant with number 2, I felt like it wasn't my last pregnancy.  I can't explain it: I never intended to give away my maternity clothes and I found myself thinking "I'll exercise more NEXT time around."  We didn't know the gender of either baby when I was pregnant, and I thought that maybe if the second baby came out a girl, maybe I would feel "done"?  (Whatever "done" means?)  Now I know that we're financially strapped (I've been involuntarily underemployed for 2 years now), that we'd have to buy a bigger car to accomodate 3 carseats, that our marriage would probably suffer (I mean, I see how much less patience my hubby has for the baby than he did for our first when he was tiny), but I just can't put down this desire, this compulsion to get pregnant just one... more... time.  The hubby and I have come to terms with the fact that if we DO have one more, we'll probably live with HIS resentment for the rest of our lives, but that if we DON'T have one more, we'll live with MY resentment for the rest of our lives.  I don't want to make a decision based on whose resentment is easier to bear!  (It's his, by the way... I'm a redhead and much more a pain in the ass!)  Any advice?
    http://www.quackbaby.com ... Think a little. Laugh a lot. If you don't like it, well, go quack yourself.
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    No advice here. We already have 2 and are expecting our 3rd in February, I'm already thinking about #4. Dh is "done" and realistically we should be done but I still keep thinking 4 is a nice even number.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    I would love another, but mine was high tech and I doubt I'll be able to afford to do it again in the next 6 months.  I, personally, think 2 is the perfect number, but 3 isn't bad either.  My feeling is that you should have as many kids as you think you can reasonably support barring no unexpected catastrophic occurrences...and I say that because when I got pregnant with my daughter, I made more than enough to take care of one child, then the economy crashed and burned along with my employment, and there was nothing I could do to predict that happening.

    If the two of you can't decide, flip a coin? 
    :D
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 6,874Member
    I think 2 kids is a blessing. I likely won't be having more after baby Avery comes in Feb.
  • SuperSarahGeeSuperSarahGee
    Posts: 62Member
    Yeah, we had the opposite of a high-tech birth both times:  at home with a midwife.  BUT it was still expensive (somehow insurance companies think midwives aren't as qualified as OBs!  Clearly they've done less research than I have!).  It just makes me sad to think that maybe our family isn't complete because of money.  It feels like we're ripping off that third kid if we DON'T have her.  Yeah, I said "her."  Sigh.
    http://www.quackbaby.com ... Think a little. Laugh a lot. If you don't like it, well, go quack yourself.
  • SuperSarahGeeSuperSarahGee
    Posts: 62Member
    Oh and I like the coin flipping idea, @BellaBefana!  Unless I lose, of course!
    http://www.quackbaby.com ... Think a little. Laugh a lot. If you don't like it, well, go quack yourself.
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    I have 2 and df has one. So we have 3 all together.. I got my tubes tied a year ago and df is already talking adoption in a few years.... I'm seriously done...
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I like @bellabafana's Coin flip. Heads you have a third, tails you stop after the next baby is born.
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    Honestly, I would like to raise another child (but I'm done with pregnancies). ATM my hands are full with the two kids and all the demands of the household. DH is satisfied with just two, but he concedes that foster-adoption is still on the table until we both decide it isn't. (I think I'd love to welcome another special needs child into our home.)
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    Honestly IMO, I'd wait a couple years and revisit the topic. One or both of you may feel differently in a year or two, or even 5. Maybe your h is overwhelmed at the thought of another baby right away. Especially since your youngest is only 9 month. And even better, you may be in a better financial situation later.
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    katz_meow said:

    Honestly IMO, I'd wait a couple years and revisit the topic. One or both of you may feel differently in a year or two, or even 5. Maybe your h is overwhelmed at the thought of another baby right away. Especially since your youngest is only 9 month. And even better, you may be in a better financial situation later.



    What she said. There are 4 years between my kids and I get overwhelmed weekly. Maybe you guys could revisit the idea in a couple of years.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • Sheri22268Sheri22268
    Posts: 58Member
    That's such a tough choice... My dh & I decided to wait 5 yrs and then make the choice.
  • AnonUser32AnonUser32
    Posts: 793Guest
    when we had our first we were "done", then i decided to try for a boy because we had a girl and i wanted to try for a boy. we had our boy and now we are done, completely, i had my tubes tied so definitely no more for us. but if you want more and he doesn't give him and yourself some time, he may come around or you will feel content with what you got going on.
    Without reason you have Rhythm and Rhyme the type of girl who knows how to have a good time... You take what you want except no for an answer... And I know first hand you're one hell of a dancer... So calling all cars and low and behold you're a real livewire with a heart of gold
  • RinRin
    Posts: 2,174Member
    I had 2, both boys, which i wanted, but i think my soon to be ex wanted a girl, but we definitely didn't want any more, or maybe I Didn't want any more, i had difficult pregnancies with both and the 2nd was born 2 months early, so i had my tubes tied. Everyone asked when we were having a girl....well even without my tubes tied, God has a sense of humor, he would give me another boy!
    But a friend of mine had her 3rd 6 years later and said it was perfect! She now enjoys her 3rd baby just as much, the patience level is there again. So even if you don't feel quite done yet.....wait awhile and things may change even if it may be 6 years down the line!
    "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart.. .pursue those"
  • SuperSarahGeeSuperSarahGee
    Posts: 62Member
    Really, truly, thank you everybody.  I've been feeling so pressured to just get 'er done... Part of me wants to go back to grad school and that seems even more daunting if I have 3 kids all spread apart.  But you're all RIGHT.  I'm 31 (not 21... but also not 41) and I have SOME time to sit tight.  I know this is a bit off topic, but I'm only awake this late because I've been working on my (ugh, I hate the word) BLOG and can't resist sharing.  If it does it's job, it'll make you laugh!  I figure any feedback I can solicit is a good thing!  Thanks!  (www.quackbaby.com) 
    http://www.quackbaby.com ... Think a little. Laugh a lot. If you don't like it, well, go quack yourself.
  • RedHeadMamaNCRedHeadMamaNC
    Posts: 165Member
    i never wanted just one, coming from a big family. my SO decided years ago (before he met me) that he wasnt having anymore. we can't even afford our two (we each have a son from previously relationships). i've made peace with the fact i'll prob not have another, even for purely financial reasons. perhaps it'll change in the next few years, but luckily there are babies around for meto play with on occasion. i'm reminded when i see them that are some things i DONT miss about newborns... hehe
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    Me and my guy are talking about having a huge family, and we haven't decided where we'll stop. And really, can any man resent his own children?? I think if he does, then he's kind of being a jerk. Maybe if you guys wait couple of years, you can circle around to this conversation again...but don't let it go if it's something you really want.
  • momoffiveteensmomoffiveteens
    Posts: 399Member
    I always wanted to have a lot of kids. I used to tell people that I was going to have 10 (luckily I got wise). We have 5 children. @SuperSarahGee my advise is to wait a couple of years until the little one is older. I think his patience will increase and he may change his mind and be more open to having another. 
  • tumblinatumblina
    Posts: 119Member
    @SuperSarahGee You could be writing my story! I'm 31 with 2 daughters and desperately want to try for baby #3. And I say "him" every time I talk about another baby lol DH is so practical and doesn't think right now is the best time....which is sort of true...but I still want another baby more than I can express. I do feel incomplete! I've wanted 3 kids for as long as I can remember and I know I'll always resent him if we don't have another baby. If you figure out a solution...let me know!
  • SuperSarahGeeSuperSarahGee
    Posts: 62Member
    Yeah, @tumblina, I think it's becoming clear to my hubby that this issue isn't just going away.  And the older our baby gets, the more open he (the hubs) seems to be with the IDEA, at least, of having one more.  I really didn't want them years and years apart (even the 2.5 years between number 1 and number 2 seems like a lot)... and I'm sort of crazy when it comes to pregnancy dates/ birthdays.  For example:  I will NOT (intentionally) get pregnant with a baby that has a late august or september birthday.  Where we live it's just too friggin hot to be knocked up at that time of year.  Hopefully I'll get my period before January so I can seduce DH then (October birthday would be perfect!)... I have a feeling that once I'm pregnant (or once he meets the next little person) he will fall right in love.  Who was it above who said he won't possibly resent his own kid?!  So true!  (I hope...)
    http://www.quackbaby.com ... Think a little. Laugh a lot. If you don't like it, well, go quack yourself.
  • mrswright23
    Posts: 55Member
    We have a DD5 and Ds16 months and we are very back and forth on if we will have a third its especially hard because i have givena time limit to if we dont get pregnant by this timem period then we are done its exhausting lol
  • tumblinatumblina
    Posts: 119Member
    @SuperSarahGee DH's sister gave birth to a baby boy on the 30th and after holding him I think DH is a little more open to having another :) He said he had forgotten how little they were and as we walked through L&D kept saying "It smells like new baby" and smelling the air lmao Weird but it totally helped my cause! We're going to be spend lots of time with our new nephew and I'm hoping the more he's around a baby, the more he wants one *fingers crossed*
  • Lees
    Posts: 70Member
    The third one has been so much harder than just having two. It really is SO much harder right now. I have a 5yo, a 2yo, and a 7 month old. My third was a huge "surprise blessing." I would never change it. I can't imagine our family without her. The older two keep her entertained a lot, which is nice. The housework grows exponentially. You are young still. You can wait a bit and keep your options open. It's also nice to bunch them together and get over the baby stage sooner. They play together better when they're closer in age.
  • theprincessmommytheprincessmommy
    Posts: 701Member
    Hubby and I were done after DS#2 but I got pregnant again in may of last year and miscarried and then again in sept of last year and miscarried. I had my heart in having a 3rd after I got pregnant the first time so I am not giving up. Hubby is on board if still terrified so we are TTC. Waiting isn't terrible I waited 5 before I have my second and now another 5 before my 3rd assuming I get pregnant sometimes in the next couple months.