Humans (Like P!nk) Have Nipples And People Are Losing Their F*cking Minds About It

P!nk’s latest video “Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken” recently dropped, and we are so here for it.

But some people were not quite as enthusiastic about the video. Among a handful of grumblings about the aesthetics of the photography, which is obviously just a matter of taste, a different and more ominously common complaint emerged. And it’s one we’re used to hearing.

It’s clearly just you, Susan. No one else on the planet can see through her shirt. You must be a metahuman. You should report yourself to S.T.A.R. Labs immediately, so that your super powers can be evaluated for the good of humanity.

No. No, I don’t think P!nk has ever heard of this contraption called a … What was it again? A bra? Is that a new invention? I’m so glad you stopped by to let her social media team know about this marvelous new fashion accessory! Imagine the egg on her face if she were to be the last to know that she should put her breasts in boob jail to please you, dear random stranger.

Ruined? Awww. We are so sorry that you have had this experience. Please expect a check in the mail for a full refund for the purchase price of this completely free video that you were not forced to watch. And “old lady boobs”? Please. She’s younger than I am. So from me and Alecia both, please accept our heartiest Fuck You.

This doesn’t even make sense. But you tried. And that’s what’s important.

Yes, the entire song’s message is completely lost on the masses if the mammary muzzles are missing.

Say that ten times fast. I’ll wait.

Is it because you saw her nipples, or because they were hard? Is this the first time you’ve seen female breasts when they’re not in a tit sling? Oh, you sweet summer child. Bless your heart.

I KNOW, RIGHT? The horror. The unmitigated gall of any human to *gasp* have nipples.

So, just to be clear, if the outline of your nipples is visible through your shirt, you might as well be topless. Hey, that’s handy information to have. I’ll be storing that away for future reference. I’m not fond of wearing an upper topper flopper stopper, so I guess I should just walk around nude from the waist up if I choose not to slip into a tata torture device for the day.

There were plenty more of these, but you get the idea. It also didn’t stop there. There were also multiple more that took it a step further and brought Willow into it in order to take pot shots at her parenting…

You might tend to think that this is a male-centric problem, but while men (or at least male presenting screen names) did briefly mention it, it was oddly mostly women with the most vicious comments. Or maybe it’s not that odd, since internalized misogyny is a very real problem. Either way, there’s a lot of slut shaming and body shaming going on in all these comment sections and it was disturbing to read.

Equally disturbing to me is that it wasn’t just random trolls on YouTube and Facebook who had their panties in a twist over P!nk’s lack of boobie bindings. Women, nay, mothers — mothers on a motherfucking mothering page — had to get their verbal licks in as well.

Because we all know that you absolutely cannot be a voice for female empowerment if you’re not wearing your over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Stop. Just stop.

Now, to be clear, there are thousands upon thousands more comments in support of the song and the message than otherwise, but I couldn’t let this pass without saying something. We’ve been dealing with this shit far too long to keep being quiet about it and giving it a pass. No more free passes.

Nipples and breasts are a normal part of human anatomy. Not just women’s anatomy, either. Men have nipples too. Shocker, I know. But you never see this kind of thing when men are topless, much less when you can, god forbid, see their nipples through their shirt. Societal shaming of women’s breasts and nipples is ridiculous, outdated, and frankly, it’s a steaming pile of horseshit that needs to stop.

So let’s just go ahead and clear this up for the people who haven’t turned the calendar page yet: Stop trying to police women’s bodies and their clothes based on your own views of modesty and propriety. Seriously. STOP.

As Lauren Duca so eloquently put it for Teen Vogue, “The thing about nipples is literally everyone has them, but we choose to sexualize only women’s nipples. There isn’t something inherently sexual about female nipples as compared to male nipples. Anatomically speaking, female nipples are for feeding babies. And yet, because we apply this absurd stigma to female nipples, as if we’ve all agreed to pretend the mere sight of female nipples will lead us astray.”

It’s an active choice to stigmatize and sexualize female nipples. You are personally choosing to do it, so you can personally choose to stop doing it. Nipple stigma is bad. It’s bad for society, it’s bad for you, and it’s bad for your children. At least one of those things should be important to you. So, please, from all the breasts around the globe — including your own — just give it a rest, Gladys.

#FreeTheNipples