Hipster Santa Exists, And He Has A Man Bun

Hipster Santa is back at Pioneer Place in Portland

There’s a new Santa in town, and he’s way too cool to sport the traditional velveteen pantsuit. No, the following is not a still from an episode of Portlandia, it’s a real live hipster Santa holding court at a real live Portland mall.

Note the man bun, the sneakers, the skinny jeans, and the super cool love seat. Even the tree is too cool. Santa? What happened to you?

Hipster Santa has been spending some time at Pioneer Place in downtown Portland. KOIN reports he’s given his reindeer some time off and is getting around town on his bike. Fixed gear, for sure. He debuted in 2015 and he’s back — because of course he is! Hipsters need love, too.

These kids who sat on his lap last year weren’t having it. Look at the expressions on their faces! It’s almost as if they could smell the small-batch whiskey on his lips.

What do we even leave out for this Santa? Cookies won’t do. He wants local, organic fair. Maybe some cold press coffee and an artisanal donut? Gluten-free cookies and almond milk? This frolicking around town on a bike thing is suspect, too. Maybe he’s decided to become a free-range, local, organic reindeer farmer. Rudolph? Are you okay?

Is this a Santa display, or a looking glass into the future of all Brooklyn and Portland senior living centers? Portlanders can catch Santa and his man bun at the Pioneer Place Mall Thursday evenings from now until December 14.

Sorry hipsters, you’ve jumped the shark.