If The Breakfast Club Were Parents Today

Don’t you…

Forget about me…

Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t…

If you grew up in the ’80s like I did, then you can finish the rest of that song. And you know exactly what movie it comes from: The Breakfast Club.

I was 14 when the movie came out and suffering from teen angst along with the rest of my peers. Yet, that was exactly why The Breakfast Club resonated with many of us in Generation X. It was, for the first time, a teen movie that treated us—and our angst—as real and genuine.

The 30th anniversary of The Breakfast Club’s release is happening now. The hulabaloo surrounding the anniversary got me thinking.

If those characters endured teen angst with me, then wouldn’t they have been right there with me in the trenches through the parenting years? Did Claire the Princess or John the Criminal look around in amazement the first time they cleaned up a diaper blow-out? Did Andy the Athlete wonder why his baby wouldn’t stop crying? Did Brian the Brain know how to complete Everyday Math homework? Did Allison the Basket Case worry when her child couldn’t make friends?

Indeed, what kind of parents would The Breakfast Club have become? Here are my best guesses:

The Brain: Brian is a local Scoutmaster and a Deacon at his church. Each year he enjoys “helping” his kids participate in the Science Fair. Last year he “helped” his eight-year-old daughter build a hover craft that won the local, regional, and state Science Fair titles for “Best in Show.”

The Athlete: Andy has 2 sons who play travel football, travel basketball, and travel baseball. Andy is the head coach or assistant coach on all the teams and spends his summers shuttling the boys to elite sports camps. He has some kind of desk job that allows him to leave early nearly every day for his kids’ sporting events.

The Basket Case: Allison dabbled in homeschooling, organic homesteading, and extreme couponing before she found her niche as a mommy blogger. She has nearly 80,000 fans on her blog’s Facebook page and has been published on Huffington Post and Scary Mommy. She is working on a book.

The Princess: Claire is a stay-at-home mom. She volunteers weekly in her children’s classrooms and recently finished a term as the secretary of the PTA. She enjoys tennis at the club and belongs to the Junior League.

The Criminal: John works hard for a living in the trades. A divorced father of one, John can be found at the local bar when he’s not watching his son play basketball. His son plays on the same travel basketball team as one of Andy’s sons. John still sees Claire around town.

How do you think the Breakfast Club would have turned out as parents?

Now you’ll have to excuse me. I’m off to look for my leg warmers, jellies, and Rubik’s Cube. I think I have a New Coke stashed somewhere around here, too.

Related post: 7 Childhood Movies That Motherhood Changed for Me