This Mom Refuses To Send Updates To Her In-Laws: “I’m Not His Kin-Keeper”
“I communicate with my side of the family. You communicate with your side of the family.”
In my house, I text and chat with my in-laws occasionally, but for the most part, that all lands on my husband. If we need help with our daughter or wonder what the plan is for someone’s birthday, he is in charge of letting them know what’s going on and communicating that information properly.
Apparently, this means that I am not my husband’s “kin-keeper,” as one TikTok mom puts it in her now-viral video.
“So I refuse to be the primary communicator with my husband’s side of the family, and I want to talk about this,” Morgan Strickell begins in her video.
She explains that while chatting with her mother-in-law, she noted that she was “hurt” that she keeps getting pregnancy updates from other family members who relay the news back after seeing news on social media.
“Now, this was kind of news to me because I thought my husband had been communicating with his mom and stepdad. I didn’t know he hadn’t been,” she admits. “So we were talking about an upcoming ultrasound last night, and I said, ‘Yeah, don’t forget to send that to your mom so that her feelings aren’t hurt.’ And he said, ‘Why don’t you just send it to my mom?’ And I said, ‘No, sir, not my responsibility. I communicate with my side of the family. You communicate with your side of the family.’”
The two talked about this disagreement and her husband said that he doesn’t see how informing his family about news or life updates should be one person’s responsibility over the other. He says it’s “not that much more responsibility” to reach out.
Side note: If that’s how he really feels, then why can’t he do it?!
After Strickell doubled down on her stance, she made her final three points about why she doesn’t want to be her husband’s kin-keeper.
“Number one, I’m not his kin-keeper. If he wants to maintain a relationship with people in his life and have them know information about our lives, that is 100% on him,” she said before launching into her second point, which is basically centered around sexism and unequal mental loads in a marriage.
“Number two, I think this tends to fall on women’s shoulders because it’s either assumed that they have a larger social battery or that they have more time. Neither of those things are true in our relationship. My husband has a much larger social battery than I do, and he also tends to have more free time just because I like to take on projects outside of work,” she said.
She also points out the complete double-standard that comes with women and men in marriages that is so true and honestly infuriating.
“But third and final, not a single person would look to my husband as it was his responsibility if my mom was left out of the loop. If my mom doesn’t know what’s going on, I’m a bad daughter. If his mom doesn’t know what’s going on, I’m a bad daughter-in-law.”
Ugh, damn the patriarchy!
Strickell continued, explaining how things work in her marriage, noting that the two are a team who each take on certain tasks and duties, including managing parent/grandparent relationships.
“We are a partnership. He has his responsibility. I have my responsibility. That’s how it’s always worked. He knew I was like this from day one,” she said matter-of-factly.
“So anyway, essentially I left it like this with him: Do you want your mom to have this information? And he said ‘Yes,’ and I said, ‘Then it’s your responsibility to make sure she gets it.’”
Strickell swears that she and her mother-in-law have a fine relationship, they chat and get along. She just doesn’t want to be the sole liaison for family news.
“I married a grown adult who had good communication with his mom before I met him. There’s no reason that that should be shifted onto my responsibility plate now that we’re together,” she concluded.
In a follow-up video, Strickell cleared up a few points that may have gotten lost in her original viral clip.
First, her husband does communicate with his family, which is why Strickell was so confused with her mother-in-law’s complaint about not knowing what’s happening with her soon-to-be grandchild. He also took responsibility once they discussed the issue and he agreed that he should be in charge of anything to do with his own parents. She also noted in the comments section that once their baby is born, her husband will actually be the “default parent” — green flags all around!
